Hate p*rn? I love p*rn!!!! It was my best friend for years. I spent more time with it than anything else in my life, got more instant pleasure than anywhere else, thought of nothing else all my waking moments.

What I hate is what it did to me and what I did to myself..... :-[ :-[ :-[

Mottel, thanks for the hug.

Me3, thanks for the refreshing positive spin.

We are dying a spiritual death. I am not scared that i will get caught. If i get caught I have porn to make me feel better. If i were scared of Hashem I would have stopped a long time ago. The only motivation to stop is to realize how miserable we really are. We just cover up that feeling with more porn until we are a underlying dead thing. We feel that we ate dead do we do more p*RN. PORN feels great but sometimes we wake up for a few seconds. After acting out I feel like killing myself. Many list addicts have killed themselves over this frustration. Let's try to remember that we are dying spiritually and we hate ourselves for it. This has nothing to do with Torah this is so simple that every human being that has freed himself knows this. We have to hold onto the corners of sanity in our being that also knows this.

Chaim, thanks for sharing that

i think its quite clear here, from all gye veterans, the message is:
love/hate p*rn, no difference! just stay away
we love it, but we hate the affects, we pay the toll, not the y"h

Listen buddies and veterans. The no one here knows how to "just stay away ". If we did we wouldn't be here. So the very least we can do is remind ourselves that we don't really want this and really want to be freed from this tyrant. One day Hashem will show each of us a way out if we really want to be freed.
I have been at this for almost a year and a half. The only motivation I have found to keep working is that i am not what I want to be. I want this poison out so I can start living. Each period of sobriety has been for me like a breath of our oxygen. When I am lying in the mud I don't know anything I am the foul smelling Bowery drunk. I need nothing not my wife my kids nothing matter except the image I am chasing. In this I will not find motivation. The motivation has to come from the part of me that hates this.

There is no such thing as rock bottom. One can always go further. Rock bottom is the place your heart that says enough is enough. Ben durdaya hit rock bottom in his heart and said enough is enough.

Amen

I wanted to share with you guys a secret. Po*n is the most amazing thing. Life is reaky crazy.You wake up in the morning and nothing I predictable. One day your wife thanks you. The very next day she screams at you for the same thing. The kids your boss etc. Life is impossible. Porn is so predictable. Even if I haven't visited the site for two years its still waiting for me. When I log in it says welcom chaim we missed you. The feeling it creats is just great. Ican always expect the same good feeling. Just like putting a needle in my arm. If there is no network I can always use my body part. I have the perfect technique diwn pat. P*rn is great. ITS LIFE ON TRAINING WHEELS!:-)

chaim

you are lieng to no one but yourself

chaimlustaddict wrote on 13 Sep 2011 21:14:

What a great turn around! My only correction would be that porn is life with your hands tied behind your back and you're riding face-down on a steep water slide.

great!
i heard once
its like a car rolling downhill on the highway at high speed, with broken brakes
you thrilled with the ride enjoyment, but nu nu, whats waiting for you when you reach bottom, oh vey

it's living a lie

that's what it is

it's not living life

it may be the flavor u enjoy most of your adult life

but don't fool yourself that u are living life

Reb Bards what did I say that was a lie?

Just saw the cover of my wife's binah magazine. It said how to deal with your spouse's Internet addiction. I started to think. What is my wife thinking when she is reading this. Is she going to realize somthing from the article? I started to read it and began thinking. When is she looking at me funny while I'm reading it? Does she think it's funny that a addict wants to read about himself? Imagine the freedom of not having all these thoughts crossing my head. These thoughts and worries are always in our heads together even without such a article. The article just brought them to forward in my head.
I WANT FREEDOM!