So i had a session with a therapist.  We discussed the past and how it manifests with the present.  A lot came out and I'm ready but confused.  I cant wait to start.  Mostly actually discussed making me more balanced in general, and wanted to hold off on hypersexuality.  Basically he saw my problem as not clinically problematic, but exagerated due to my standards.  I havent acted on, and really I cant afford to.  I'm now in NYC and theres so much around cutting me off from Hashem (school, concrete, business) that I cant afford to act out.  plus I dont want to. it never helps.  My emuna is low but my sobriety is high.  go figure...
hatzlacha to all!
SSBT

Cool! Hatzlocho rabo umuflogo!

strugglingandstrivngBT wrote on 01 Sep 2011 20:42:


Check out www.animaamin.org and click on products.

There is an amazing, underpublicized series of shiurim on the foundations of emunah available there.  It's actually targeted at older teenagers.  I have listened the the entire series (24 blissful hours) 3 times over the past year.  Very geshmak.  Even though I went to yeshiva and am solidly frum (and sober), this series gave me an impressive boost in my emunah, and my ability to answer questions about it, both from others and from within.

Hi Shavua Tov. I tried to view the link but it said website currently under construction could you possibly post another website where you can find the Shiurim. Thanks

This link should take you to the order form, below which is a more detailed description of the content.
jdzign.com/ani/Order%20form%20110804.pdf

as expected my acting out is easier to control out of my home and in yeshiva, but oddly enough (not really) the desire is still here.  moreover, the desire is worsened not knowing anyone or having anything to do the last few days.  It has got me a bit down and so my desire is up, showing that it is not as much the desire itself but a symptom of a problem deeper.  as much as i want that pretend feeling of intamcy that p- gives me, i am going to do my best to control myself.  i dont need that roadblock right now.  i do wish i had a bit more to do though.

It is awesome that you are checking in, and that you are making progress. This forum gives quite a bit of things to do if you are looking to kill time. There is a kosher isle on the main website with games and ideas to pass time, and there is a whole subforum here dedicated to that, with jokes etc. You can also read thru other people posts and try to offer chizuk and share your experience.
Outside of the forum, excercise is hailed as an excellent pastime and it gets you in shape. Perhaps biking or weight lifitng? When I was in yeshiva, we had a gym and a lot of guys would play ballgames after seder, too. But in the absence of an eqiiped gym, you can buy a couple of weights for under 20 bucks, I believe, or an elastic band for endurance training etc.
You can also ask some of your chaveirim to learn with you after seder some extracurricular subjects, or learn by heart some mishnayos or tanya. Anything but fantasizing; just keep yourself occupied, like you said.
Hatzlocho. Your positive report was the highlight of my day. Keep them coming.

Good advice from Reb O'Mottel.
Exercise can be very time consuming, and a good way to burn off energy in general.

While I know that stress can be a trigger for many, boredom was always my biggest downfall.  I have a long list of little things that need to be done that can fill different time slots, depending on how much time I have. (Koveah ittim l'Torah goes without saying)

Shteig on!
Alex

alexeliezer wrote on 06 Sep 2011 15:34:

There is a radio personality who I once heard say that if he got a nickel for each time he m*****ed out of boredom he wouldn't need this radio job  ;D
It is such a beheimishe thing to do, if you think about it (maybe that's why I can relate so well): just pressing the pleasure button till you pass out.
Keep posting, SSBT!

so im doing 90 day and last night I slipped.  I didnt fall I slipped.  I tried to find pics but my filter is good.  I saw some not tznius things but nothing too bad (anything is but it wasnt full fledged).  I also M... but not to completion.  I stopped myself right before.  I justified it then but Im not sure not.  should I mark as going strong or start over?

I'm not a 90-day posek, but I think it would be helpful and acceptable to keep your count intact.

NYC is a very very gashmiusdike place.  You are bombarded with eye candy.  I suspect that something you saw earlier in the day led to your slip.  Guard your eyes zealously on the street.  Don't look at magazines or newspapers.  Keep your eyes off the TV's that are everywhere.

If you can make it here, you'll make it anywhere.  It's up to you (NY  8) NY)

Good Shabbos,
Alex

Just like New Yorkers themselves, the trees in New York [city] work harder than any others in the world.
-- Andy Warhol

we can add that the Eye-Guards work harder as well

thanks guys!  have a great Shabbos!

you are a mighty warrior!
Gut shabbos!

if i put as much effort into my avodas Hashem as i did into cracking my filter wow. what a world it could be.  I fell.  Thank you 1.5 hrs on a nyc subway for triggering me enough to stimulate myself enough to lose control.  I really thought i had it.  i need better fences.  i was also trying what i did the other night and just went too far.  i didnt even mean to conciously.  ugh.  well time to pick up the pieces and go forward.  im upset but i know that if i watch myself i can do it. t hanks for the support, sorry i let you, myself and Hashem down.  ill try harder next time.