Let us all say a prayer to hashem that he remove this porn issue from this world that way his glory will shine clearer and it will e easier for us humans to emulate his ways and live in awe of him.

Wow, this guy sounds very very desperate. To look at porn at the public place while dress like bachur takes a lot of guts. Maybe he is desperate for help that why he being so brazen.  If I were in your place,  I (hope) would try to say something, even if does not stop him, what he is doing is clearly hillul Hashem & I  think I need to make it a statement that it is not acceptable. 

Struggler: I'm very surprised by your lashing out at this man. Are you an addict? I mean to say that we addicts are so irrational that these considerations of chillul Hashem etc...are not thought of...........

In my previous post I was not lashing out at the young man. But now I am. I am an addict, but there should some boundaries. If he cannot stop himself, he should do it in private or put on baseball cap / normal clothing. Of course this is not ideal, but it would minimize the damage. I am sorry to say, just because someone is addicted does not mean that he should not use his brain a little bit. 

Unfortunately, many people do not look for help until they hit rock bottom, or come close (discovery, embarrassment, etc. )  .  Speaking to him before he is "ready " may push him away.  I like the chain mail idea, or some more anonomouos/innocuos way of contacting or informing him. ...even if he does not respond right away, a seed is planted. One never knows when a planted seed will sprout.  I heard of GYE months before I joined in, even visited and said, "I don't need this"  But after a while, when I realized what I was really doing to myself, I understood that  I did need it.

The problem is not whether to plant the seed, but how to do it.  Also, like planted seeds, sometimes you have to plant them and just stand back. Too much interference can prevent the seed from sprouting or damage it, once it has sprouted.

I don't know all the ways that  GYE is advertised, but some posters in shuls, community magazines, etc.  might just make some people more aware.  Nothing judgemental just "Hey! here we are.  Take a look..."  I think I saw it in a community publication.  I was originally reluctant, but the seed took, over time.

But awareness will not help unless someone is able to admit they have a problem.  That is perhaps the most crucial part part of the 12 steps...and teshuva.  (Which, in my opinion is whatthe 12 steps is really about)

I agree that if he is doing it publicly it means something.  It may also be a cry for help.  How about a GYE business card that you can walk by, pretend to pick up and say, "I think you dropped this."' Then justy walk away.  The embarassment ("Did he see? Does he know? Oy! what have I done to myself?" ) - without you saying a word or even looking at his screen might be the push he needs. You can help him without talking to him.  If he wants to talk, he may seek you out.

Hazlachah rabbah!

Struggler: I hear what you are saying, but remember, he has a problem.    To the degree that he is acting it is a serious problem.  How private is ANYTHING we do on the internet, after all?  A complete scan of a "porn visitor's" computer is probably full of little hints about what he is doing, and Google is not a private as we all think...

I have asked before: is what he is doing any more problematic than a "frum" businessman about whom it becomes public knowledge that he is a crook? Or a restaurant owner who, it turns out is saving money by smuggling nonkosher chickens in? No, I  think not.  There is, however a "taint" of sexuality gone wrong, of kedusha ovewr turned, of things tyoo embarrasing to talk about.  But I will pose this; would his children be any more embarrased than the children of an exposed crook?  Kashrus fraud? etc? I am not sure...

Haveing been stolen from by "frum " people who then have enough money to buy a BIG plaque at the local shul, I have more compassion for this poor young man.  Yes, he is messing up, and PUBLICLY, but tochechah from ahavah is much more appropriate and more likely to worjk than tochechah form, "hey, kid, you are embarassing us all."

What did Hillel say just before he said "the rest is commentary?"  Important words, important message...

I REALLY need to learn how to type.  Is there spellcheck at GYE?

Reb Longbeach,

I love the business card idea. I would definitely hand out GYE business cards to the oilam.

Just got to find a subtle, but neshama opening way to do it...b'ahavah...

longbeach wrote on 31 Aug 2011 01:34:


      The cases that you brought up about fraud & kashruth are a little bit different, since it involved hurting other people. If the guy was doing it in private & he was caught during / after the fact by a stranger, there is a strong argument can be made that a stranger should not to get involved, this issue is essentially between him  & G-d. ( If he was married, then it would be between him, his wife & God. But honestly I do not think that watching “pre-package porno” should be considered cheating, but obviously is wrong).  But by doing it in public, this guy is essentially making it everyone else’s problem. Of course doing it in private is bad, but if he has not fear of heaven at least he should show some fear of other people. Now that Elul is up on us , as far as I know, doing a tshuva for sins done in private is significantly easier than doing for sins done in public. Of course I can not be 100% sure that I would say something in that case, I just hope that I would. I am also not talking about cursing the kid out, I am would strike a conversation & hand out a piece paper w/this site.  The change that this would help is limited, but I (hope) I would do it for selfish, for me. 

Write www.guardyoureyes.org on a piece of paper, place it on his desk, and walk out.

Maybe put your GYE email address on it with a note that you've been where he is and he can write if he wants.