b'h

hello 

i'm very happy to say that being part of the email list has really helped me for the last week, giving me chizuk and helping me work on my ahavas yisrael reading the different stories of the people here and just being happy with where i'm standing, being clean and knowing that hashem loves me amongst all the jews  ;D

just one thing is on my mind a bit. nowadays we don't get married as early as before, i'm 19, but realistically in my circle wont marry for at least 2-3 years---how can i deal with this until then? the same way as dealing with an addiction? 12 steps?

thank u

Hey newstart,

yeah, you definitely want to conquer lust and acting out BEFORE you get married. Marriage will not solve the problem. The proof of this is all over this site; There are tons of married people here, struggling just like you and me.
This is because, sadly, they never conquered their lust before they got married. You and I are very lucky that we're working on this stuff now. Don't think to yourself "if only I were married, I wouldn't have this problem". Wrong attitude. It's true that being married is an outlet for this and it will help you, but only if you take care of things now and make sure you go into it healthy...

And yes, 12 steps is the cornerstone, but you should use any and all tools that help.

NewStart,
Welcome!
Are you asking "how am I going to deal with 2-3 years without being MZL after doing it for so many years?"
It's not a physical need, unless you're getting charged up looking and thinking lustful thoughts during the day.

So yes, 12 steps will help.  Especially the part about turning your lust over to Hashem whenever the thoughts come.

And guard your eyes zealously.

Then you can go into dating with a clear mind.  And marriage will be just great!

Shteig on!
Alex

one thing we learn here is
MY TRUCK DOESN'T HAVE REVERSE
and neither do we look forward
one day at a time