I just listened in on my first call. I didnt even let my presence known, as i didnt know what to say. I'm not sure what to think. It resonated with me. I have or had qualities of the addict. The only difference (or maybe not) is I am not acting out right now to hide feelings, I am just overwhelmed with desire. But I used to. Then I was clean and now I am in an environment that I am back to my old ways. I am relapsing, which was what the call was about. the other thing is i never really did a recovery method, i just sort of did my own teshuva. I sent an email to a therapist in the area of my new school. I hopefully can start that and work on some program. until then I just need to get some control. There are for sure two things wrong: the acting out and the underlying reasons. More imperative for me is the acting out. then with time the reasons need to be addressed as well. with Hashem's help. I just need to accept that...
