I kept clean for 7 whole days. Firstly, this was the first time i took of the ground with such a score of clean days. In the past two years I have not been able to keep clean for 7 days. I must say, these were the hardest and most mentally treacherous 7 days of my life. Never did i really battle and fight azoi in my heart. I predicted every step of the way, kept aware of myself and checked in with this forum.
I started to heal physically a bit. I kept on trucking in my long ride to sucsess. I even stopped thinking about women as i did previously. I became happier. But, as paradoxical as this sounds, on shabbos, my body was out of control ( my body was ready trigger). I was of course in control of my mind (Note: I am an 18 year old hot blooded guy.) Not allowing my fantasies to explode. I thought I was about to fail and fall down the cliff. And afterwards, i used my relax technique and one minute later, as i was walking down the street to shul, i felt like an accomplished warrior trcuking on my 7th day. i had not reached this madraigah in years!!! And as i was in shul, i was bored, left to see my friends, and all three of them were sleeping (My friends are all married and in there late twenties.) Well, what could i do. Went back to shul and tried to learn, but again, mildly getting out of control, Sorry for the graphics, i needed to discharge. There, i was in a mentally worn out state and physically drained out state. I fell doen the cliff. But as i walked away, i told myself, buddy, at least u didnt watch p***. More so, this whole week u have fought the yh and stayed in kedusha. I was feeling two feelings at this time. I feel that i must get to yeshiva as soon as possible, for my heart yearns torah, and with out it, i dont think i can succeed this battle. But what seems to me was the problem, was that i did not have acsess to all of you guys, and i couldnt get a word of brotherly chizuk and help. more so, i was bored (had i been in better shape spiritually, i would've preocuppied myself in learning.) Thanks for hearing my words and wanted to tell all of you guys that i realized how much all of you mean to me in a time of emergency and despair. Shavuat tov.

Btw, my average clean streak was 2 days.

make a sheur in something that you enjoy learning, with a goal to finish a particular subject, also, by the way, 7 day clean on its own is a great achievment it never gets lost, now carry on from where you are, dont just start again, just push thru that challange of not letting your body overtake your mind, you will get there it sounds hard but with a little bit of carfullness you can make it, and you should know that your BEST years of life are the next 2-3 years so use it with a sensable way to build your own future yidishe home with a solid foundation of torah and kedushe & missur, chazak! hashem is with you

I am listening keep on sharing get all the thoughts out there great work.

i am amazed at your rotzin to do better, and hashem also knows. keep strong and next shabbos you will feel even better. i would find a nice torah book to keep your self busy, try the book "The 6 constant mizvoes" from R Berkioitz they sell it in every store and its cheap, its a great book to start building a relationship with hashem.

hazlocha and as they say-

KEEP ON TRUCKING!!

Awesome! will do!

hi in my experiance and also following the 12 steps you just have to give up and say this thing is stronger then me.
I found it impossable to fight. the only way I stopped (I"m 14 months clean) was giving up and speaking to someone (12 step group, sponser)