I have been in this battle for the past 20 years, specifically with internet pornography for the last 7 years and it is killing me. More precisely it is destroying me and I need to do something about it.
I can spemd 4,5 and sometimes 8 hours a day locked in my office. It is only a matter of time before I get "caught" and my life will be ruined!!
My ruchnius is in shambles and I don't know where to turn to? I have lost count how many times I have sincerely done teshuva, only to find myself back to the same place. I am married with 4 kids and I am positive if my wife ever found out, I would be single again. I have to quit this destructive behaviour and am at my wits end. I have lost all productivity at work and end up spending my days either on the computer or seeking out alternative releases!
I have made a commitment to quit and yesterday was the first day I did not go on any sites. Today I almost did but went to a forum and by hashgacha found a link to this site. IY"H i can make it to Shabbos and then through the weekend without falling and gain chizuk from other people in my situation.
Any suggestions and help would be greatly appreciated!
Gut Shabbos
a Poshut Yid

dear poshut yid - you have come to the right place.we ALL were where you are, some even worse.first thing to do is call the healing hotline.you will speak to someone there who will listen to you and understand you.you can not do this alone.speak to him, he is willing to help you.cry your head off, he will listen.scream your brains out, just dont GIVE IN! the anxiety associated with breaking an addiction is murder - it hurts a lot - you need someone to talk to you cant do it alone.just dont give in, please, if your wife finds out...well you said it yourself.you dont want that! think of the consequences! some of us were lucky and were never found out.but some of us were found out and the consequences were enormous. pirke avos says the wise man is the one who sees what will be born from his actions. BE WISE!! you have already taken the first step by coming here.continue on the path to tshuva - it is a difficult path, but the right and proper thing to do - you know that.hatzlacha rabbah and dont lose sight of this site!  jack

Dear Jew, Welcome home.

This website and forum are a "Teivah" (ark) in the Mabul of internet "Taivah". On this site and forum you will find people going through exactly the same thing as you, making great progress and giving each other support. Just recently, "Jack" – who just answered you above, hit his first 90 days of sobriety. Jack was heavily addicted for 38 years and didn't have one clean day in as long. He struggled with a difficult childhood, and a host of other issues, such as low-self esteem, anxiety and depression. If jack can do it, we all can. Read Jack's inspiring time-line over here.

The reason your whole Yiddishkeit feels threatened is because Shmiras Habris is known in the Zohar as "Yesod". It is the foundation, the part that is underground, that no one sees. It is the real YOU. And if the foundation is weak, indeed the whole building is weak. That is why it is so important that you get control on this before the cracks in the foundation cause the building itself to start to crumble.

You are dealing with a strong sexual addiction, and as such, it needs to be dealt with in the right way. There are tried and proven methods for dealing with this addiction. The home-page of our website has a whole list of the tools on our network. Grab a hold of them and don't let go. Here are my initial suggestions.

1) A strong filter is a must. Having it all within hands reach will make it almost impossible to start healing. See here for all the options and info.

2) I added you to the daily Chizuk e-mail list. You will learn approaches and tips every day.

3) Join Elya's FREE weekly phone groups on Sunday 3/4 PM. (Ask me for the number and PIN). It's fully anonymous, no one knows you are even listening in (although we encourage everyone to talk. It helps the healing process). You need group support, you need to hear others who are going through the same thing, even worse off than you - and yet making wonderful progress.

4) Make a log of your struggle in our Forum, in the "Wall of Honor" section. Aim for 90 days and post each day or two how you feel. You will get tons of Chizuk from what you will quickly come to consider your "spiritual family". Since you are already 3 days clean, i can put you up on our chart. You have passed Level 1. The chart is here and the rules are here. Send me your info as detailed in the rules.

5) Read the stories of recovery on our site. You are not alone. People much worse off than you have done great feats of Teshuvah. Just a few days ago, someone posted his story of recovery on our forum. See here. This guy is not married and had no religious upbringing. If he can do it, you can too!

6) See a sex-addiction therapist. There are religious ones, but it doesn't have to be. See this pagefor a list. If you can't afford it, join the Tuesday night conference call for only $10 a session, with a frum sex-addiction therapist on the line. See here for more info.

7) Join a 12-Step group in your area. Work the 12 Steps. See here. Recently someone posted on the forum (a chassidish guy BTW): He writes: Nothing helped me until I was told that I am a "Sex-Addict" and that my only option is to work the 12 steps. Nothing, absolutely nothing in this world can keep me sober, but Hashem is working with me thru the power of the program. Listen my friend, if you are a addict like myself then be aware that it only gets worse, this addiction really kills. It kills us spiritually, mentally, and physically. If you are an addict, the only option is to work the twelve steps of recovery.

We are here for you dear Jew. Grab on to this website and forum, and don't let go. It's not just your life in this world which is falling apart, it's your ETERNITY we are talking about here. Post on the forum when you feel weak, you will get a lot of answers and chizuk! Don't get down about the past. Hashem gave you this struggle and waited so many years, only so that in the process of breaking free, you will learn how to give Hashem over your heart. For that, it was all worth it. Through this struggle you will grow tremendously. The fact you have found our site, just as you were making a new push to break free, is a proof that the time is ripe for you to begin the journey. Zeh Hayom Kivinu Lo. Hashem has been waiting for you, and finally led you here. Grab on, and don't let go, and we won't let go of you.

You have definitely come to the right place. And the fact that you came, and that means you have a Bikush for teshuva and Emes, is a great thing!

We are all here for you whenever you need us. Dont be bashful, we know EXACTLY what you are going through!

if you ever need to talk privately, many of us, including me, are available to help you through any tough situations.

Chazak V'Ematz!

I too have done "teshuva" many times before coming to this site. I finally feel (and hope) that this time it really is sincere - The chizuk that can be gained from this site is unbelievable. Welcome and Hatzlachah!

Hey all of you,

For me nothing helped, teshuva, davening, fasting, bounderies, etc..... the only thing that helped me and is helping me now for almost 1000 days.

If you keep on falling back mabey you are a sex addict like myself, upon which nothing in the world could have relived my sexaholisim untill I began reaching out to God by working the twelve step.

Hey Kookooreekoo,

You often mention that nothing worked for you other thatn the 12 steps. Quesion - Did you go through the 12 steps alone or with a group?

kookooreekoo did it with the SA groups. (Our "Links" section on GUE has some info on the groups).

Guys, there are SA & SLAA 12 step groups all over the country.  This is the way to get help and to heal.
All the excuses about women in the group. goyim, people you might know, are all just your addiction or the Y.H telling you, it won't work.  The resources for a new life of recovery, being honest with yourself, serenity and not living a double life are all here for the taking, on this forum, Guard UR eyes and the groups.

Elya

Yes, I agree with Elya, that website as well as many other "so called" frum websites  are more part of the problem than the solution. A website not governed by Daas Torah is not a place for any frum Yid to visit. In fact its worse to go to a site that portrays itself as frum, yet in reality causes beople to be nichshal, than it is to go to a site that you know straight out is a bad site.

Stick to sites on Guard's Kosher Isle and your Neshama will thank you!