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Do we need to fight forever?
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A platform of recovery for Jews who find themselves struggling with addictions to pornography, masturbation or other sexual problems. Post anonymously about your struggles without fear of anyone finding out who you are. Ask questions, post answers and be inspired! Get tips and guidance from the experts who moderate this forum, as well as from fellow strugglers.
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TOPIC: Do we need to fight forever? 1193 Views

Do we need to fight forever? 09 Aug 2009 22:16 #11331

  • Eye.nonymous
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I originally posted this as a response in a thread started by MOMO, but decided to move it to an independent post:

I just had this feeling recently.  I just realized that I have been struggling with this issue, sometimes more and sometimes less, since I was thirteen--for twenty-two years.  Do we spend our whole lives fighting?  I was really feeling sick of this; why not just give in. 

Even if the goal is not to fight head-on, but to use evasive maneuvers, it's still a fight and I still have this feeling like I'm getting sick of it.

Rationally, I know this is stupid and the alternative is worse.  But it's hard to be rational all the time.

Is there something else that's not head-on fighting and is not even evasive maneuvers?
Last Edit: by EinDavarHaholeichLifneiHaratzon.

Re: Do we need to fight forever? 09 Aug 2009 22:40 #11335

  • the.guard
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Is there something else that's not head-on fighting and is not even evasive maneuvers?


Bingo! You just hit on the entire GuardYourEyes philosophy. The only way to success in this area is NOT to fight the lust. Instead we learn how to "let go of it". Please read the GuardYourEyes handbook to learn how to AVOID the lust instead of fighting it.

Also, instead of living in the problem, we learn how to live in the SOLUTION. See today's Chizuk e-mail (#551) for more on the secret to this strategy. And see Dov's amazing posts to Uri on this page as well. These, my friend, are the secrets to long-term success, instead of the weary never ending "battle" with something far more powerful than us...
Webmaster of www.guardyoureyes.org - Maintaining Moral Purity in Today's World. We’re here on a quest ; it’s really all a test. Just do your best and G-d will do the rest.
Last Edit: 09 Aug 2009 22:46 by Charlieholyeyes.

Re: Do we need to fight forever? 10 Aug 2009 14:57 #11402

  • kutan
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Its true. I can be mayid.
I too have been 'fighting' for 20+ years. My whole life was fine, but this area I could not get under control.
But I've
1) learned to recognize how disgusting it is to lust.
Really come to the realization that this is disgusting.

2) learned to humbly give it up to Hashem. and ask him to remove the tavah.

The result is that this area now is a source of GOOD feelings.

The only thing that requires work is to reinforce the principles, by keeping on the forum and reading the handbook, and the OCCASIONAL times when things feel overwhelming, due to unusual circumstances. But the every day nisyanos are, I don't know if its smart to say it, almost FUN.

kutan
Rashi, Breishis (10:25)
Last Edit: by TWSpouses.

Re: Do we need to fight forever? 10 Aug 2009 20:24 #11461

  • bardichev
The only thing that requires work is to reinforce the principles, by keeping on the forum and reading the handbook, and the OCCASIONAL times when things feel overwhelming, due to unusual circumstances. But the every day nisyanos are, I don't know if its smart to say it, almost FUN.


I understand you

yess it is a daily battle

you WILL get bogged down if you have fantasy of being lust-free

AINT NO SUCH THING

you can be in control or controlled many eitzos on this topic

dont get bogged down is the best eitzah

I magine a fellow drowning
he starts ti wonder hmmmm how does this drowning thing work hmmmm

or he starts to cry why why am I drowning

or why did hashem make the world that objects drown


HEY!! BUDDY !! THIS IS YOUR LIFE GUARD BARDICHEV HERE ON THE MEGAPHONE

GRAB THE TUBE!!!

HOLD ON !!!

I WILL NOT EXPLAIN HOW THIS WORKS

TUBES HELP YOU FLOAT

OK!!!

FLOAT!

b
Last Edit: 11 Aug 2009 14:29 by .

Re: Do we need to fight forever? 10 Aug 2009 21:12 #11477

  • kutan
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Thank you Bardichev, that was my first GOOD laugh for the day.
Very therapeutic you know... maybe change it to Dr. B
Anyway, I'm sure our new friend Reb Eye.N would appreciate knowing what the life tube is, so that he doesn't loose out in using it.
Could you elaborate?
Kutan

PS: over shabbos, if I needed a laugh, I just though of your icon. it is TOO funny!
Rashi, Breishis (10:25)
Last Edit: by bailabee.

Re: Do we need to fight forever? 10 Aug 2009 21:13 #11480

  • the.guard
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Mr.B does it again! :D
Webmaster of www.guardyoureyes.org - Maintaining Moral Purity in Today's World. We’re here on a quest ; it’s really all a test. Just do your best and G-d will do the rest.
Last Edit: by moishi.

Re: Do we need to fight forever? 10 Aug 2009 21:49 #11488

  • tester613
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over shabbos, if I needed a laugh, I just though of your icon. it is TOO funny!

Me too.  I just crack up each time I see it.

The amazing thing about Dr. B is that he is sooooo funny but at the same time he is able to penetrate very yesodosdic inyanim.
Last Edit: by Mikimi Maafar Dal.

Re: Do we need to fight forever? 10 Aug 2009 22:06 #11491

  • bardichev
ok ok ok
ill tell you all the EMES

I crack up laughing everytime I see my pic.

all aniva aside

I think I hit the nail here

fighting is like swimming or maybe even more basic "BREATHING"

DID ANYONE SAY I AM TOO LAZY OR SHVACH OR NOT IN THE MOOD

NO WAY!

as was posted here in different styles

the venner of "CHET" is only before the "CHET" the after affects are bitter and horrible

if one will feel that sinking feeling all the time we would never sin

so the YH gives you the feeling that you "NEED" him and you are
trapped yes he makes you "FEEL"
trapped .It is his game.
Here on GUE we have the collective experience to see thru the veneer .

as an aside
I feel that laughter YES LAUGHTER

AT YOU YH .NO NOT PROVOCATION JUST TO "GET HIS DRIFT" AND LAUGH IN HIS ROTTEN
FACE!!

Last Edit: by yourbestchoice.

Re: Do we need to fight forever? 11 Aug 2009 07:38 #11538

  • Eye.nonymous
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Thanks Mr. B.
Last Edit: by helf mir.

Re: Do we need to fight forever? 11 Aug 2009 11:53 #11566

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Chazaras Hashiur:

This YH is a fake, a mirage. As soon as you bite, it disappears and you feel empty.
But, OY YOY YOY does the mirage feel real (before hand) :o .
We even feel trapped, like: Hey, there is no other way.... :'(

The solution is by keeping at the forum... it keeps our heads on straight. Then, we can meet the YH and laugh... you want me to fall for THAT??!??   :   ;D ;D ;D

So,  the answer is NO, we do not have to FIGHT forever. Fighting is only when the mirage seems real. THEN it is a real fight. But why bother? Learn its only a mirage, and the fight is over.
So, the work becomes the 'learning' part, not the fighting part. And THAT work is much more pleasant, especially with all the jokes and one liners that show up on the forum daily  :D :D :D

Wait... one more thing. Emergency situations will still show up, where you'll be tired / stressed / put-in-a-situation-where-old-habit-patterns-will-come-out, and then even will your new perspective, the mirage will seem real again. For that, you need to learn to "give up and give it over to Hashem", which you will find out about all over the forum (go through Dov's posts, for example). This is an AMAZING tool, it really works (if you are DETERMINED to be clean, and are capable of feeling HUMBLE), and will pull you through these tests. And even then, it will not be 'fighting', although the test itself is of course not pleasant.
Over time, these tests will become fewer and more far between.

kutan
Rashi, Breishis (10:25)
Last Edit: 11 Aug 2009 12:17 by .

Re: Do we need to fight forever? 11 Aug 2009 13:31 #11590

  • battleworn
I just had this feeling recently.  I just realized that I have been struggling with this issue, sometimes more and sometimes less, since I was thirteen--for twenty-two years.  Do we spend our whole lives fighting?  I was really feeling sick of this; why not just give in. 

Even if the goal is not to fight head-on, but to use evasive maneuvers, it's still a fight and I still have this feeling like I'm getting sick of it.

Rationally, I know this is stupid and the alternative is worse.  But it's hard to be rational all the time.

Is there something else that's not head-on fighting and is not even evasive maneuvers?


Reb Eye, I think that this is a very common sentiment (at least nowadays), not just when it comes to fighting addiction. In previous generations people would daven for something on and on without getting tired of it. These days, if we ask Hashem for something and don't get it right away, we often feel frustrated and we want to give up.

Our reasoning is very simple: If I ask nicely why shouldn't Hashem give it to me? Especially if it's something that I know is good in Hashem's eyes. Why do I have to cry on and on, if Hashem is the All-Merciful -the Source of all kindness, love and mercy. It really doesn't make sense to us.

BUT THE ANSWER IS THAT THESE TEFILOS AND TEARS ARE THE PERFECT -AND ONLY- PRESCRIPTION FOR OUR TIKUN. AND ALTHOUGH IT'S HARD FOR US TO GRASP IT; THE FACT IS THAT IT'S WORTH SUFFERING ALMOST ENDLESSLY, IN ORDER TO GET TO THAT TIKUN. IF WE WOULD HAVE THE SLIGHTEST IDEA OF WHAT להתענג על ד' ולהנות מזיו שכינתו  MEANS, LIFE WOULD BE A BREEZE.

SO HASHEM SENDS US WHAT HE DOES, IN ORDER TO GET US TO DAVEN AND TO CRY TO HIM, BECAUSE HIS KINDNESS IS UNLIMITED AND IN HIS KINDNESS HE IS BRINGING US TO WHERE WE NEED TO GET!

The exact same thing is true in milchemes hayetzer. We sometimes get very very tired of it. Because we look at it as a nuisance that's interfering with our life. So we ask: Isn't it ENOUGH already? Can't this miserable pain just get out of my life already? I want to get on with life!

BUT THE ANSWER IS THAT THIS IS LIFE. THIS IS THE VERY PURPOSE OF CREATION. THIS IS THE GREATEST GIFT IMAGINABLE - THE TICKET TO THE ETERNAL BLISS WHICH WE CAN'T FATHOM AT ALL! AND WHEN WE REALIZE THAT, THEN IT'S NOT TIRING AT ALL. LIKE WHEN YAAKOV AVINU WORKED FOR LAVAN ויהיו בעיניו כימים אחדים

And we don't have to wait to to get to Olam Haba to see the results. Once we get to the point that we except the fact that we have to make fundamental changes in our life and in the way we think - once we catch on to the GYE spirit, we soon see how much we grow from the struggle. None of us would ever trade our new self for our old -pre addiction- self.
Last Edit: by Mr A Sample.

Re: Do we need to fight forever? 11 Aug 2009 19:35 #11635

  • Eye.nonymous
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A mashal came to mind, which everyone probably already knows, about that king who has a tower with a thousand flights of stairs, and he promises that the first one who reaches the top can marry his daughter and will become the heir to the throne.

Nobody tries, because it's impossible to climb all those stairs.  One person, however, figures he'll do his best.  He climbs up and up, and at the hundreth flight of stairs he can't do anymore.  But then he finds an elevator on the hundreth floor that takes him all the way to the top.

If I understand correctly, regarding this lust addiction, we're supposed to hop on the elevator on the first floor?




Last Edit: by .

Re: Do we need to fight forever? 11 Aug 2009 20:46 #11649

  • kutan
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Yes.
But you need to learn which buttons to push to get the elevator to go for you.
explore the site or read the PDF handbooks.
Rashi, Breishis (10:25)
Last Edit: by OhevHashem613.
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