Ok .i dont want to lose this growth just yet . i was doing fine and io got such a curve ball in my life you have no idea.
1 eyes - OK.
2- ears gave in last niter and listened compulsively .for a minute . heard nothing and did nothing . BH' . stopped and went to sleep . i hope for better tomorrow . 
3- havernt learned in a few days . no ,only yesterday . hope for better today .
4-i didnt trust in H' for anything yesterday . hope today for better.
OK today is a new day . H' please take me close to you and hold on to me .

Reb 36, I'm constantly amazed and impressed by you - at how quickly you're moving forward, and the fact that you constantly do this cheshbon hanefesh. Fantastic, and it makes me certain that you're growing at an incredible rate!

how incredible i don't know , but growing i think i can say yes. BH' . i'm working on this , but even my falls are not nearly what they were .  or are they?  i have to think  about that.  

I'm reading your post...it seems pretty incredible to me

KOT!!

lamed vavnik wrote on 13 Jan 2010 17:02:


You can't be the one to judge that you are biased....

lamed vavnik wrote on 13 Jan 2010 17:02:


...Unless you are CORRECT!

Keep up the good work 36nik!

-Yiddle

i have a confession to make . all this time i haven't had a pic , b/c i thought my filter didn't allow it . the url had been put in wrong.  :-[ . just needed to say that, thank you for listening. 

We're all glad to see what you look like!  :D

ich bin a nar in gloib .

Bh' been really busy but still clean .
1- eyes  have been Ok. no doublo takes .no long stares .
2- had a few rough spots. listened friday nite. as usual heard nothing fealt stupid went to sleep. hope next time to feel stupid b/f.
3- no time for mussar but started working very hard on talking openly to H' regularly . to feel comfortable speaking to him and  ASKING  for things .
4- trusted in H' today that even tho' my day was not what i wanted, it was  what He wanted.

lamed vavnik wrote on 17 Jan 2010 19:21:


Just plain beautifull Lamed Vavnik. The last two are what really uproot our addiction. I am not really sure what you mean by number 2??

-Yiddle

.Just plain beautifull Lamed Vavnik. The last two are what really uproot our addiction. I am  not really sure what you mean by number 2??


i have an obsession with listening for sounds of s*x. like some people have  problems w/ voyerism (?)  . for me it's listeningism . i am working on letting the bumps and scratches i hear, go  uninvestigated  . so as not to be drawn in. tho,  i think can say in all my 20 years of listening i can count on one hand the amount of times i've been right . but the YH' is not logical -

lamed vavnik wrote on 17 Jan 2010 21:06:


Well I hope you get over this like the rest of us. We all have our own Nisyonos. Focus on the task at hand.

I think it's great that you're aware of feeling stupid, and you're planning remembering that for next time - that's a great approach!

May we all learn from you!

OK . i'm  in trouble . i never got up from the last fall four days ago . i am acting out without wanting to and without  caring . just to do it . i feel dead inside .i think i'm depressed(though i don't feel depressed is that possible?). the situation in my life right now is totally taking me over and not giving me time to get a hold of myself at all. it will be over soon. i think i have to wait it out . until things get back to normal . if you knew what i was going through you would understand. i wish i could get into detail for more help. i may need to take a break from posting now b/c i can't do any avoidah and i'm just depressing myself writing "did  nothing today again." 

silentbattle wrote on 18 Jan 2010 01:52:
yeah great approach . feeling stupid again . don't learn from me .