This is a wife who deserves to have eishes chayel sung to her daily.
With kavana!
What an eizer kanegdo - wow!

lamed vavnik wrote on 28 Dec 2009 06:39:
Hey LV whats up. And yes this is something ive been working on now. Just putting all my focus on other things. Like life in general. and yes a looksie can be so powerful.

7Up wrote on 28 Dec 2009 13:16:

yes i completely agree . she wants me back, only for her ,(with no visiters- even mental ones ) and shes willing to sacrifice  to get it . i appreciate that a lot .

back to work .
1) eyes doing well(no slips ! :D)  . 2) ears Ok.(forgot checking to listen -thats awesome)  3)working on bitochon  .
4)trusted in H' yesterday that he would help me out in a certain situation as he saw fit ,and he did . i saw no hope at all in this point  and i said H' please  put the words he needs to hear in to my mouth b/c i don't know what they are . and i said what ever happens is in H's hands . i had a sayatah dishmayah i didn't expect at all  . thanx H' for his sake .   

Now that is a real bear hug. keep on truckin LV. It gives me chizuk , all the things your doing.

You are amazing - boruch hashem, He's letting you know that He thinks so, too!

I'm rooting for you too Lamed Vav! keep going!

OK guys .  ;D i'm OK .BH" .but my big talk of 90 'completely clean' will have to be postponed a little longer .  but i must tell you this . my family is going through an extemely hard time now in general , and also my wife was basicly feeling still hurt and sad from my episode  where she saw me ogling someone . she still fealt scared unloved, and worried i would run off . she needed emotional reassurance . so , you understand i couldn't be frum on her cheshbon . so even tho ' i aint' MR. Clean    ,it's probably the first time i did something with my wife totally for her when i would rather have not . just b/c she needed it . i think thats a pretty nice accomplishment in itself ! i'll be sure to post when we  do start the total 90 project. i haven't given up yet ! ONWARD!

back to work ,
1 eyes did well yesterday , one slip at the bus stop but i caught myself and sang myself a song and pulled out my mussar sefer .
2 listening is going fanastic ! i always hated it . it was the thing that made me feel the most crazy . these days are the hardest tho' i'll be sure to post fri. and moztoi shabbos .
3 working on the bitachon .learned yesterday(in chovos halevavos) that bitchaon is the key to freedom from taivah ,like the gra said , b/c it calms you and puts you at peace . everything you have is what you need . evrey thing you need he will give you . no need to want what isn't yours- women , money , women ,women , women , (some of us only want one thing. ) 
4 i trusted in H' yesterday that he is the one who gets me to work on time or late . i do what i can .but i was late and i was kvetching for a hitch . but then i said listen H' i would like a ride but i am going to accept what you give me b' simcha whether i have to walk or not . either way its from you ..............
and you know what ? i walked !  :D :D and it was fine . i came late, but smiling . and you know what ? the world didn't collapse and nobody yelled at me .

I think that in it's own way, your decision to NOT do the 90 days may have helped you grow even more!

Remember, it's all about getting out of our own heads, and doing for others!

So, in case we weren't sure before (and we were) - you ROCK!!

lamed vavnik wrote on 31 Dec 2009 06:40:
This is more precious than your 90 days "completely clean". Giving fully for the other?? what can be better than this??

it was totally different than anything i've done b/f.

Im sure it was. Hey your becoming a new person. And new people do different things. :D

avoidah .
1 eyes, very good no intentional ogling . no second looks.  
2 no listening .though i did hear  shuffling . BH' didn't get pulled in .
3 worked on bitochon . thought about my parnasah which is a big issue for me . i focused on trusting H' to guide me in it  where i need to go .(b/c i sure don't know!)
4 i took upon myself to trust H' in a certain situation i'm in , where people owe me $ . the CH'hLV says true bitachon helps even for people who won't pay you back . that $ you're supposed to have will come to you and even he can't keep it from you . you don't have to worry .  if its your $ you'll get it, and if its not , you don't want it . (this doesn't erase trying to getting it back , just worrying about it and letting it eat you up , and over trying )  .            

Wow. I hope you keep having such success, and keep growing - and I'm sure you will!

Thank you for giving me so much to learn from!