The advantage of socks is that the ketchup can soak in. For help with the texture, I recommend using a sandwich maker (bu don't leave it in for too long, or it'll burn, and the smell of that is NOT pleasant.

eyes were better today only forgot a few times then reminded myself. today will be better.
another no listening day .yay! thats 2 days.
day dreaming is tough though . still working on what to get in me brain instead, to pull me out of it.
 
worked on realizing that even if i have no costumers all day my parnasa is from H' and i trust him to take care of me. i sat on that  for a whilep and it was good .
H' gives me everything i need in every area . don't need other peoples stuff or food or wives ........ i have everything i need .  is that what the Gra means ? 

I love the inspiration.  Keep it up. 
Oh and by the way, why don't you wear your shoes anymore?

i'm going to start working really HARD on my eyes these days . it was very good yesterday i'm getting better at remembering .
    but i had a very sad and embarrassing event yesterday . my wife confided in me that she noticed me staring at a pretty woman on an outing together . that was the outing i went on that started my campaign for  clean eyes . she said  she was embarrassed by it . i realized if she noticed  probably others did too . maybe the poor lady herself  :-[ :-[ :-[. how degrading . i don't know why i think that nobody notices that i'm following women around with my eyes . oy! what a chillul H' ! :( . i apologized to my wife and told her that i started a specific avoida  to work on that point . that in general i'm ok but there are certain public place made for looking around (zoos , museums , galleries) that make clean eyes almost impossible . maybe i just can't go to  these places  until i can learn what to look at and what not .  i just want to say that i have a great wife . she's really awesome . and i feel like a big jerk . she really cares about me and i hurt her and really didnt' mean it .  :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( . but she forgives me .she believes in me  . H' help me to be strong .
i worked on trusting in H' that he gives me the wife i need and the job i need . and they are good things that are good for me . i don't know  if it would have worked out that well if i didn't have such a great wife. thanx H'         

What could be a better hug than having such a wonderful wife!!! Its a life lasting hug IYH.




Btw are you coiming this time?

You're incredible, 36. Yes, your wife is incredible, too, but the fact that you're aware of her specialness says a lot about you, too.

i have to say this . not b/c i want to ,but b/c  i need to know i'm on the spot , and people are watching my progress . G-d help me stay clean .
my wife and i have embarked on a journey together . with her permission i started friday to go completely clean from all sexual pleasure  for 90 days (at least) . it will be the first time in my life since puberty . this is a totally different journey for me now . i put myself on the chart again. 
on to the avoidah .
1) eyes doing well . no long stares (more than 2 seconds about) and only 2 double takes . but no ogling and no fantasizing about women in the street (or in my head ). i focus on the good wife i have .  helpful , caring , supportive ,truly appreciates me ,understands me,was there for me in my hard times recently . it would be a shame to throw away  all this invested relationship and with a real person just for someone whos gorgeous . it's the first time in my life i fealt that way . i don't think i really saw the good points about my wife to match her up against  the beauties of porn. but yesterday i fealt a real pang of terror to lose such a great woman over something so stupid as (only)perfect looks . (just bytheway the woman i was staring at was really stupid not even close to my wife. )
2) no listening fantasies either BH' .
3)worked today on trusting in H' that the day he gives me with other peoples attitudes is not under my control  i'm still a child of H' no matter what . i have a job to do in this world even if my set up is less than what i call perfect. .so i controlle dmy attitude ,the only thing i can . worked very well till shabbos aft. when i started gettin a little frazzled and tired . but wee keep on truckin. tonite i work on trusting h' that the shortcomings he gives me are for my best . not easy.
4) started writing all the GOOD things i do on a regular basis.  i'm a pretty good guy.  :-*













   

KUTHGW!!!  Staying positive always helps!!!

Wow. And whoa. I am impressed. I hope this brings you closer to the freedom you're working towards!

YOU ARE SOMEBODY SPECIAL!!!

Wow, this is the first time someone married, on this forum, took upon themselves 90 days without any sexual pleasure at all. That's a huge challenge.

In SA they do this sometimes to "dry out"...

To quote the whitebook:

Healing in my marriage and in the family is one of the most blessed areas of this new life, even though things aren't always a bed of roses.  I've found something better than lust—reality But I have to be willing to give up any thought of changing partners, either actually or in fantasy, even if it means not having sex at all.  Each time, I have to surrender my right to sex and depend on the grace of God.  What else can you call it? And there are times my wife and I have gone without sex for extended periods.  But it's all right; sex is optional now.  I have a choice.  And mutually voluntary periods of abstinence for a year or so have proven to be the most constructive—and happy—times of our entire marriage.  For me the key was finally giving up all expectation of either sex or affection, and working on myself and my defective relations with others.

It has been a totally new beginning for us.  I'm just starting to get acquainted with my wife of seventeen years.  I discover to my delight she's a person: unique, independent, an individual, a whole universe of personality I was blind to before.  And the more I die to any thought of resorting to someone else and commit myself to this one union, the more pleasure and love and freedom I find.

I can't believe that the person I'm writing about today is the same one who used to think and do the things I've been describing.  Actually, that other person was a slave; he was living in a world of fantasy and illusion, only for himself, and always alone.  He had never matured through emotional adolescence and was spiritually dead.  He could not cope either with his own emotions or with life in the big world out there, and was constantly running.  Running to satisfy demands and lusts that could never be satisfied.  Running from who he really was; running from others; running from life; running from God, the source of his life.

The running is over.  I've found what I was really looking for.

Kol hakavod to you LV. May you be zoche to reach all your goals. Wishing the best. What your doing really takes alot of determination and willpower.

Bh' feeling great.
1) in the eye category . had a slip yesterday . took a long look  at a pretty co-worker .we traded smiles  . wasn't good . watching my eyes at work is very hard b/c i know the people  and want to be civil . but this is more important. today will BeH' be better . but i got control of myself(after a while ) and kept my mind(with much time and effort ) off of the fantasies . one thing i learned, a look is very powerful .
2) BH' no listening is going great . had a cuople of pulls to listen but i again put my mind elsewhere.   
3) OK trusted in H' that  he takes care of my food . and what ever i get after the fast is what he wants me to have . i got cold food and ate it in the 5 minutes i had . but i was OK. (later i lost my temper  at my wife after the long day was over about a diff. thing .but it was a long fast and i was tired . i apologized and she forgave me))
3#

the  key seems to be as they are saying not to fight but to turn the the attention and focus away from the yetzer .so there is no fight . in other words it takes two to tango . if you don't fight theres  no second party.

lamed vavnik wrote on 28 Dec 2009 06:39:


NAIL ON THE HEAD!