My writing may not be coherent, but the emotion is to great inside of me... My wife went to work today, I stay alone at home WITHOUT any filter. We talked yesterday to install K9, but then my wife forgot and I was free to spend time on the Internet...

For more than 5 hours (!!), I've surfed on improper sites... I've skipped everything : minyan, breakfast even going to the toilets was depraving me from such a "precious" time... I was like stuck in an iron storm, to find always more and more and more.... As usual I' ve turned to g** p*rn, once a gain... But soon it was not ENOUGH... So I tried to google to find other sites, I spend time collecting pics and pics.... The YH was so strong, I also looked to pictures [details removed by mods], but NO child pornography, I think & hope.
What I feel now is : 1) disgust & hate for myself, what I've done and what I've looked at. 2) Fear to see the police come to my house soon or later because of what I've looked at 3) SADNESS and DESPAIR because I broke everything ( I was clean for 11 days beforehand)

And tonight, how will I face my wife, and pretend everything's OK as I had such a disgusting behavior ??

Sorry if it was a little graphic or trash, but I think you deserve all honesty and I NEED HELP, PLEASE !

first of all to feel low and "hate" yourself is wrong. if you hated your self why would you care so much? you care bec you DONT hate yourself but rather like yourself and there for want to fix your issue. dont look back fix the problem asap! you got to get a filter, before that there is no way you can stop your not a malach. we have to put the fence w/o that there is no way to fight it head on. so as soon as she comes home get the filter that is the top thing in your life now yes even before mincha or marrev or anything! then we can work together on staying clean.

Hazloch, we love you, hashem loves you, and you love you!!!!

Thank you for your support, that's what we'll do iy''H tonight... The YH come in so many ways... I never imagine I could go to look for more and more i;proper sites, as far as to be "borderline"... Its NOW or never : The fight just begin.... NOW !!

Thanks for support

We call it fell-shmell. This was in the past, now focus on the future, filter is a must. I hope by the time you read this post, the K9 is already installed, with only your wife holding the password. Let her also know, that with password, she can monitor your usage and she should checkit dail to see if you even tested the system.

Keep on trucking. One day at a time.

KosherYid,
A filter is an important first step.  But as Reb Guard said in your previous thread, it sounds like you are a lust addict.  Welcome to the club!

Fortunately we have a way out. It's called recovery. The filter will work on your computer.  Recovery works on you.  Read read read!

Hatzlacha,
Alex