Hello everyone,

I am extremely impressed with the GYE community and besides for helping to support it, and encouraging others, I finally decided to make an account actually become more active in the forum.

I would like to get some insights/thoughts/comments regarding something which really bugs me...
Why is it that when everything seems to be going well in my life, I have a greater tendency to be drawn towards shmiras eynayim type of challenges? What is that lacking type of a feeling that I feel? where does it come from? How can i figure it out? Its not just an urge like thirst... its like a lacking feeling that exists... Anyone know what i'm talking about?

Thanks!

Hi,

It's hard to tell, but it could be boredom. Sometimes when one faces challenges, it takes away their time to resolve them. While free time could lead to mind wondering to bad places

Working wrote on 25 Jul 2011 21:18:

i understand what your saying bec i have the same thing, the way i look at it is that its an easy way for the YH to get you fast. He gets you to look once you feel depressed and then he has you you look more then more then etc... Thats exactly why he gets you when things are going good. Bec life is meant to have challenges and if its going good he wants to give you a test and being that this is the nesoyin of our dor thats why he picks this one. If you over come this the reward will be great and remember never to get depressed bec thats what he wants. The fact that it bothers you so much is why he picks this.. bec it bothers you and can cause you to fall. Read the attitude handbook it will help you out. good luck.

Welocme Horov Working, here is the official welcome from GYE.

Welcome to our community, you have finally come home!

We're all in the same boat here. Tzuras Rabim Chatzi Nechama   Once you've arrived, there's no turning back. Everyone here will just grab a hold of you and pull you up with them!

GYE Program in a Nutshell: (Right Click the link and press "Save Link/Target As" to save the PDF file to your computer).

'Guard Your Eyes' offers a unique approach to helping people by recognizing that there are many different levels in the struggle for "Shmiras Ainayim" and "Shmiras Habris". After studying the experience of hundreds of religious strugglers over the past few years, we put together the suggestions and recommendations that we feel are best for the various levels. We divided the tools, features and services that GYE offers into 8 different levels. This "GYE Program in a Nutshell can help people quickly identify at what level of the struggle they are at, and which tools and features would help them most at their particular level.

Here are some quick things you can do to help you jump straight into recovery:

1) Make sure to install a strong filter. It will be almost impossible to break free of this while having all the garbage within a mouse click away. See this page for one good filter option, along with instructions on how to install it best – and give away the password to our "filter Gabai"… See this page for another 20 (or so) filter ideas and information… We also highly advise installing "Reporting Software" such as webchaver.org to give you some accountability, because filters alone are usually not sufficient and they can often be bypassed.

2) Join the daily Chizuk e-mail lists to get fresh chizuk every day.

3) Scientific studies have shown that it takes 90 days to change a neural thought pattern that was ingrained in the brain through addictive behaviors. Did you join the 90 day chart on-line? Sign up over here.

4) Post away on this forum! You will get tons of daily Chizuk and support. This disease can't be beat alone. It works best when you get out of isolation!

5) GuardYourEyes also offers many free anonymous phone conferences where you can join a group of other frum Yidden, along with an experienced sponsor. See www.guardyoureyes.org > Tools > Phone Conferences for many different options. Our conferences are taking place every day, morning, noon and night… Joining a phone group would be a tremendous step in the right direction for you and help you learn freedom from this addiction. Not only will you learn the secret of the 12-Steps – which is known to be the world's most powerful program for beating addiction having helped millions world wide, but the daily call will be another way of GETTING OUT OF ISOLATION and connecting with others who are going through what you are.

6) If you need more general guidance, write to our e-mail helpline at gye.help@gmail.com or call our hotline at 646-600-8100.

7) Download and read the "Guard Your Eyes Handbook". This handbook outlines the GYE approach in detail, and makes our network much more effective and helpful for people. The handbook has two parts:

A) The first part, "Attitude & Perspective", details 30 basic principles to help us maintain the proper attitude and perspective on this struggle. Here are some examples: Understanding what we are up against, what it is that Hashem wants from us, how we can use this struggle for tremendous growth, how we can deal with bad thoughts, discovering how to redirect the power of our souls, understanding that every little bit counts, learning how to bounce back up after a fall, and so on and so forth…

The second part, "The 18 Tools", detail suggested tools and techniques, in progressive order, beginning with the most basic and fundamental approaches to dealing with this addiction, and continuing down through increasingly earnest and powerful methods. No matter what level our addiction may have advanced to, we will be able to find the right tools to break free in this handbook!

May Hashem be with you!

Hi Working -

It is actually interesting what you wrote. While I feel it sometimes when things are going well; what confuses me most is the deal God has with me. Its unspoken and I never confirmed it with HIM but it always always works.

When I start my day off right and I daven, am good between me and HIM, He gives me a good day at the office. Whether it is getting more new clients or anything else it really helps works.

For example. If I start off the day and dont put on tefillin or I fall (so far clean 37 days) I may as well kiss the possibility of getting a new client good bye. It is not happeneing.

Anyhow until later

take care of yourself

ninety

Truth is, as an addict any trigger will do.  Stress, boredom.  The addiction wants to be triggered.  What's important is to recognize your triggers and have an action plan for when they present themselves.
Welcome to the forum. You sound like a thinker.
Alex

Thank you for the nice welcome

Depression is definately an issues at times... You know those days when your down, whether its because your wife is in a weird mood, or your in a weird mood, but lmaase, you feel down... Those days, the YH tries to "make you feel better" by encouraging certain negative behaviors which may feel good for a moment. I want to know the psychology behind that... Why is it this area that one goes to get a "high"? Why doesn't the YH tell me to go learn something really cool on the parsha? or even get a chocolate bar? It seems that those things dont fill the void... where is that void coming from... I hate that void... I think that is what it is, a void. I dont know why I have that void, where its from, or how to fill it in other ways? Is ignoring the void the only way?

Sorry for the rambling...

Helpfyi, thanks for the chizuk

Alex, your right... it seems like any negative emotion and sometimes even positive emotions trigger the desire or the "void" described above.

I'll tell you that I have been using webchaver on all of my computers for at least a year now and recommend it to everyone...  It has changed my life... It is one of the best things out there for shmiras eynaim for computers and the people at covenant eyes are going to have a serious Chelek in the next world... I wish there was something just as good for android phones. I am now trying to alpha test their android solutions... it still has room to improve, but at least its great that they are trying...

I just came across Eye.nonymous's post in another thread ( www.guardyoureyes.org/forum/index.php?topic=4076.msg111513#msg111513 ) and I think this may shed some light on the "void" that I am talking about. Could be that the void is the RID caused by things at home, work, disappointments. I just dont know what I am supposed to do, should I just say I don't care to everything and continue as if everything is dandy? What am I supposed to feel when I feel that I am not accomplishing at work and space out or in learning... I get down on myself

I found the interview linked below very interesting and informative.  It's about the neurochemistry of addiction in layman's terms.  He talks about triggers, and even mentions our addiction.  Next time you're bored....

www.npr.org/player/v2/mediaPlayer.html?action=1&t=1&islist=false&id=137348338&m=137371579

Alex

Thanks Alex! Will take a look...

Working wrote on 26 Jul 2011 16:56:

The reason the you AND the rest of us have this void is just as you said, bec you hate it! the YH knows how to test you thats his job. you cant ignore the void its there but you can channel the void for avodas hashem, as the GYE handbook quotes R Tzdadok that says that if you have a overdrive for these things that means you have a spcial drive to get close to hashem, you can channel it to learn and daven and develop a close relationship with hashem. That takes work but your nisamah has a special drive and you have to channel it right. The YH wont want you to get a chocolate bar bec what will he gain out of that? the Yh is a way to grow its not some out side evil being, its all from hashem ' hashem eched" even the YH is from hashem, to help you grow but we must fight it and channel it right.