Baruch HaShem I was doing great for my longest strecth in years- completely confident that I was on a really good and strong healthy derech- and then all of a sudden I was just overcome by the compulsons again and I fell. It is so frustrating- it just comes from nowhere and overtakes you and now I'm just back to square one feeling like the lowest shmatta. Any chizuk or eitzas would be appreciated.

well first off. you have to tell yourself "fell shmell!!" who cares if you had a fall, it already happened there is nothing i can do about it. the only thing i CAN do is worry about the NOW.  when we have a fall we tell ourselves to just keep on trucking along.

also, we can never get overconfident and tell ourselves "im free for life!" we dont get free, we always have to remember that if we let our guard down..........we know what happens

very wise words you got from the Soldier there

the Yetzer (or our addiction) would just love it if you throw in the towel and gave up. you would be free to indulge without a care if you gave up. at least that's how he paints the picture for you. in truth you will regret it and feel like a rotten banana if you do so.

someone very smart said: winning means staying in the game

we've been through what you are experiencing. it is painful frustrating and disillusioning. but the last thing you should do is stop trying.

pour yourself a cuppa joe and get back into life

YSB wrote on 25 Jul 2011 15:01:


Depends on what the issues are.  Are you an occasional luster, or an addict?

If it's the former, be mechazek yourself very much in shmiras eynayim, block out lustful thoughts, throw you head into learning, job, family, hobby, exercise, and you should be fine.

If it's the latter, then still do all of the above, but it probably won't be enough.  You'll have to avail yourself of some form of recovery program as you will learn on this site (I'm referring to The Steps).

Either way, hatzlacha! It's good to have you here.

Alex

alexeliezer wrote on 25 Jul 2011 19:31:


Nu?

Dear YSB,

Here you are, coming clean by posting that you have a problem and are really hurting, frustrated, and fearful of endless failure. You ask how you will ever be able to change a habit that guided you for years - very good and honest question that many never bother to ask themselves. So many people see a recognition that our 'enemy' is bigger than we are, as being close to apikorsus: "What? Where's your bitachon, man?!"

But while you ask a good question, what work are you doing to find the answer? Just asking? The clean time you had between July 25th was great - but what work were you doing since then?

I am not asking you to complain to you or to insult you. Just to learn whether your behavior shows you that you really believe you should be able to coast - or not. It's for you to know, not me.

Perhaps you have been doing real work of some kind all along - I have no idea, all I see are your three or four short and detail-free posts. I cannot recover that way, so I am asking you coss tutsach and what do you really want. We are all 'playing for keeps', here, right?