Hello guyz,

Since a long time I denied my addiction, but now I am resolute to get "clean". I tried to avoid unkosher sites with filters. But my REAL problem is that I just can't help but look at other guys' bris in mikveh...  It is difficult because it is the place of taharah, so... I am afraid of myself even I am married and happy, even sexually with my wife.

Help me, please !

Well, perhaps you shouldn't be going to the Mikveh if that is the case.

That having been said,

Welcome to our community, you have finally come home!

We're all in the same boat here. Tzuras Rabim Chatzi Nechama   Once you've arrived, there's no turning back. Everyone here will just grab a hold of you and pull you up with them!

GYE Program in a Nutshell: (Right Click the link and press "Save Link/Target As" to save the PDF file to your computer).

'Guard Your Eyes' offers a unique approach to helping people by recognizing that there are many different levels in the struggle for "Shmiras Ainayim" and "Shmiras Habris". After studying the experience of hundreds of religious strugglers over the past few years, we put together the suggestions and recommendations that we feel are best for the various levels. We divided the tools, features and services that GYE offers into 8 different levels. This "GYE Program in a Nutshell can help people quickly identify at what level of the struggle they are at, and which tools and features would help them most at their particular level.

Here are some quick things you can do to help you jump straight into recovery:

1) Make sure to install a strong filter. It will be almost impossible to break free of this while having all the garbage within a mouse click away. See this page for one good filter option, along with instructions on how to install it best – and give away the password to our "filter Gabai"… See this page for another 20 (or so) filter ideas and information… We also highly advise installing "Reporting Software" such as webchaver.org to give you some accountability, because filters alone are usually not sufficient and they can often be bypassed.

2) Join the daily Chizuk e-mail lists to get fresh chizuk every day.

3) Scientific studies have shown that it takes 90 days to change a neural thought pattern that was ingrained in the brain through addictive behaviors. Did you join the 90 day chart on-line? Sign up over here.

4) Post away on this forum! You will get tons of daily Chizuk and support. This disease can't be beat alone. It works best when you get out of isolation!

5) GuardYourEyes also offers many free anonymous phone conferences where you can join a group of other frum Yidden, along with an experienced sponsor. See www.guardyoureyes.org > Tools > Phone Conferences for many different options. Our conferences are taking place every day, morning, noon and night… Joining a phone group would be a tremendous step in the right direction for you and help you learn freedom from this addiction. Not only will you learn the secret of the 12-Steps – which is known to be the world's most powerful program for beating addiction having helped millions world wide, but the daily call will be another way of GETTING OUT OF ISOLATION and connecting with others who are going through what you are.

6) If you need more general guidance, write to our e-mail helpline at gye.help@gmail.com or call our hotline at 646-600-8100.

7) Download and read the "Guard Your Eyes Handbook". This handbook outlines the GYE approach in detail, and makes our network much more effective and helpful for people. The handbook has two parts:

A) The first part, "Attitude & Perspective", details 30 basic principles to help us maintain the proper attitude and perspective on this struggle. Here are some examples: Understanding what we are up against, what it is that Hashem wants from us, how we can use this struggle for tremendous growth, how we can deal with bad thoughts, discovering how to redirect the power of our souls, understanding that every little bit counts, learning how to bounce back up after a fall, and so on and so forth…

The second part, "The 18 Tools", detail suggested tools and techniques, in progressive order, beginning with the most basic and fundamental approaches to dealing with this addiction, and continuing down through increasingly earnest and powerful methods. No matter what level our addiction may have advanced to, we will be able to find the right tools to break free in this handbook!

May Hashem be with you!

Elazar ben Durdayah

hi and welcome to the forum,

admitting the problem is the first step and it's great that you took that.
read around the forum, you are far from alone and others have similar issues.

if going to the mikvah presents a problem, then by all means, don't go. it's not worth it. it's יצא שכרו בהפסדו. it's not worth coming out of the mikva in a worse situation than when you entered. in my humble opinion, the RBSO will understand if you don't go because you want to stay away from getting into trouble and will treasure that more than the tevila in a mikva.

Sefarim (Degel Machaneh Ephraim end of parshas matos, and others) say that מקוה ישראל השם is meramez that just as a mikva is metaher, so too yidden are metaher, you can toivel in yidden, and you can toivel in Hashem (kevayachol).

wishing you success
zs

Sound advice.
Don't go to the mikvah while you have this problem.
Yotzeso Schoroi bhefseydoy

welcome good friend.
Tishah Kabin will work for you. but i understand that you cant face your reletives with the fact that you want to stop going to the mikvah right?

If you haven't seen GevuraShebiyesod's amazing personal introduction, I recommend you read it
www.guardyoureyes.org/forum/index.php?topic=4125.msg111583#msg111583

But, is it all really so simple?  Just stop going to the mikveh and all your lust issues are solved?

Welcome to the forum!
Alex

Welcome!

There are some links on this page that might be helpful to you:
www.guardureyes.com/GUE/FAQ/FAQ16.asp

11 days clean was nice, but you are in no way "healed"... The way you describe your long session of acting-out right after those 11 days is so typical of addiction.

You are in the right place. Make sure to read our "nut-shell", and ultimately the entire GYE handbook. There you will learn all you need to know about getting out of this rut.

May Hashem be with you.