I have a question that is not directly related to the subject of this website but I don't know who to ask...

I am dating but I can't wrap my head around the concept of marriage?
There is something about marriages that I don't understand I know this sounds weird but:
Why do women get married? Are they attracted to men just as we are attracted to women? Somehow I just don't think this is the case so what pulls them to be in a relationship specifically with a man??

If my wife is reading this, please stop here.




















a need to be appreciated by someone as being the most important person in the world to that person.

their friends are getting married.

their mother makes them get married.

It's more of an emotional need than a desire.

They need a sense of security.

All this is part of H' 's plan obviously.

Read the book "what you said" I lost it along time ago, but it will help you understand that more

As shteeble said, they NEED a hsuband. תב למיתב תין דו מלמיתב ארמלו. They need the support, to be the sole focus of someones life, to know you are happy with them.

pretty much an emotional thing, which is why if a husband douesn't give his wife enough emotional suport, their marriage can crumble. because your emotional support is the oxygen she breaths.  Saying hello when you come into the house, is the nutrients for her whole day,  with absolutely no exaggeration.

Did you mean the book "What Did You Say?" by Rabbi Simcha Cohen?

It's a gem.

Not only that, but it has a whole section which is specifically for when you are dating.

they love sex too..... they just dont have the need as we have to keep on changing the mashine (macho), but they love sex tooo
the gemara says
רוצה אשה בקב ותפלות מתשעה קבין ופרישות
she prefers to be poor with sex, than reach without it.
they love sex, but they are atracted only if they love you first (in a healthy case....) thats why they can look from the ezrat nashim to us, but we cant look at them.... they are only atracted when they love you first....
but they deffnetly loooooooove sex
oh yea thank go.d
if not life would get double as complicated

Shteeble wrote on 22 Jul 2011 09:32:


That's it!!!

laagvokeles wrote on 22 Jul 2011 09:37:


Hmmmm.  try rephrasing that, they love the closeness and love that they get from 'physical relations'. Not so much the fun on it, as the feeling of closeness they get as a result of it, even after it's over.

dpends how many porn movies you saw and how good u do it  (ups)
but you are right its both.....
sex is stil a huge deal

p.s.
look the bartenura in that mishna he says תשמיש

thanks Shteeble and Old Friend for those well-put reminders about the a wife's need for emotional support and and understanding, this bumbling creature called a male (me) can use every reminder he can get

Laager you crack me up!  I'm actually with you on this one.  Women do love sex.  But they love it most in the context of a loving, committed relationship.

There's a cliche I heard quoted by Rabbi Pamensky that men give love to get sex, and women give sex to get love.

Hopefully we can do better than that.

About the original question:
Don't get caught up in analysis paralysis.  If you like her and want to be with her, grow with her, and make her the most important thing in your life, that's what she she wants and gets out of marriage.

I think the reason women want to get married is the same as men: to have a companion to share my life with, start and raise a family & love / sex. But I think for us, men, the last part is the most important & for frum men & women marriage is only way to get it (without burning in hell). In general society, there are fewer & fewer people getting married, since there is no problem of having sex before marriage.

When I first starting reading the forums, I was surprised that so many married men have problem with porn. Originally, once people get married things get better, but I guess it’s not the case. 

Good luck!