IT MAY BE ONLY ME BUT AS I SIT AND LOOK THROUGH THE FORUM ON THIS SITE I FEEL SLIGHTLY TRIGGERED. THROUGH THE DESCRIPTIONS OF OTHER PEOLPLE STRUGGLES I FIND THAT I AM LEARNING NEW IDEAS WHICH I DID NOT KNOW BEFORE, AS AN ADDICT THIS SENDS MY MIND WONDERING WHAT ELSE IS THERE OUT THERE WHICH I NEED TO TASTE ETC. SO WHAT SHOULD I DO, MAYBE WE NEED SOME SHEMIRAS ENAYIM GUIDELINES EVEN WHILST BEING ON THE GYE SITE? HOW DO WE DEAL WITH DANGER OF "KOSHER ACTING OUT"?  TO HEAR AND KNOW WHAT OTHER PEOPLE ARE STRUGGLING WITH CAN BE A FORM OF ACTING OUT! WHAT HAPPENED TO THE ISSUR OF NIVUL PEH?

I sometimes feel the same at which time I try to keep away and just concentrate on other things in life. But at times when I feel that I need a little chizuk in these areas this site is really helpfull

I never found a trigger here (except one time, when sonone described some details of a realtionship with a diffrent boy, but, it was not that i wanted to do the same, it was just arousing me).

The reason why i'm not triggrerred coud be. Maybe;
1) i'm worse then you and need, stronger thing to trigger me.
2) i'm so focued on my recovery, while i'm here, that my mind will not even try to take me into problems

why would somone even try to call this nival pah ? is the shierim a chusen gets before th chosina nivel pah ? discussing these issues for a tochlis is dibiry kodesh.

There's plenty of very helpful material on this website outside of the forum.

(I personally stopped reading the forum and even the emails for 2 years, after reading for a couple of months.  I felt I wanted to "move on" and these materials were reminding me too much of my addiction.  After two straight years of sobriety, I felt strong enough to participate.  Not advising, just sharing.)

shteighecher wrote on 14 Jul 2011 17:39:


I agree with you these are people discussing their struggles for the purpose of getting out of it. Discussing  your struggles with a friend in order to free yourself is something already written by many great people of previous generations (ie. reb elimelech of lizhensk, of course he's talking confessing toa  live safe person)

taharah wrote on 14 Jul 2011 16:51:


the only thing that it will trigger is to get better!!!
First read the GYE handbook and all other things, when you start to recover and need help you know where to turn!

i am sometimes also triggered by certain lurid details of stories on GYE. this concern has been addressed a few times on the forum and it is a valid concern. there is a link under every post to report to moderator if something is violating the guidelines of the forum. Guard has indicated that eventually there will be two sections of GYE, one for those who need 'prevention' and one for those who need 'recovery'.

that being said, ultimately you are your own policeman, and if you are being triggered then your best bet is to move on. (you can check out the cholint thread, lemonade thread, joke thread or the illustrated guide to sailing against the wind in an inner tube thread)

another point is that anything you see on GYE is available unfortunately in exponentially worse proportions on the rest of the internet.

as always, keep on trucking, with a smile

Before I learn about this site, I thought that I am one of few frum men who struggle with this issues & I felt very bad about it. When I found this site, I found out that many men struggle with these issues and I did so badly about my addiction & I began to acting out much more often. But this site/emails from this site have wealth of information about building up self esteem and strategies with dealing with urges, so after while, I learn more about them, I feel less depress and doing much better with my addiction, but I have long ways to go to be 100% clean. 

taharah wrote on 14 Jul 2011 16:51:


Brilliant observation.

The question is...  Is this site right for you?  this site is completely and utterly wrong for many people - a 13 y.o. bochur (or girl) who has never struggled with these issues shouldn't be here.

But what relevance would this site have to people if the discussions didn't affect them in some way, or help and address some specific needs.  This place is like a sewer - together, we can try to break out, and working together, rather than alone, is a good thing.  But someone who is used to fresh air and cleanliness will just get dirty.  But nu - if someone lost in the sewer discovers this bunch of people trying to get out together, should he walk away because we all have different dirt, and he doesn't want to get dirty?

The discussion around an adult dinner table will necessarily be different when there are children around - some topics are just too raw.  Death, divorce, horrible diseases, abductions, etc.  But there can be good reasons for discussing these concepts - prevention, assistance or cure, more often than not.

The issue, to my mind, is not what is discussed, but the breadth of the audience.  Quite unfortunately, I am one of those people who would hardly feel dirty if dived into the deepest part of a sewer.  Many of the "triggers" that some would see are things I once would have found "normal" or acceptable.  Or at least cool and fun.  But then, some people trigger easily - I mean, should we ban shoes, or hanging undergarments on a line lest someone steal it?  There is a balance to be maintained, and on the whole, this site does a magnificent job.  If there are prurient souls out there who enjoy the discussion in odd little ways - there are far worse things that they would probably be doing with their internet connection, if not getting off on the discussions here.  There most certainly is an issue with "Tahor" people coming here, by accident, although I would be surprised if someone really tahor would linger, to the point of a problem (although I acknowledge that it is possible).

TL;DR:  Is it right for you?  Will you become better or worse as a result?  Are you lost in the sewer, or coming in from the fresh air?

thanks for replying I can see one thing that we are all trying our best to be free of lust and we are dealing here with sensible people
maybe the GYE site should have a little reminder to people browsing their site that they should check their true motive and if they suspect that they are wondering away from the purpose the site was set up they should be strong and admit it to themselves and act accordingly.

taharah wrote on 15 Jul 2011 14:21:


A sensible person would not be here...  Those of us who are here are, by definition, not seeing sense!




You think too much, and make my head hurt!

Simpler to say: Is being on this site good for you, or bad for you - be honest.  And then act accordingly.  If you cannot act accordingly, then it might just be good for you, in disguise

But you're touching on another great point - people acting frivolously on GYE.  Check out post 2 here, which addresses this somewhat.  Post 3 explains the relative boundaries found here as opposed to, say, a SA group.

There will always be troublemakers, oddballs, and people who post all in capitals.  You just cannot get away from that on an open forum.  However, trouble is often more in ourselves than what is around us.  If we see trouble and triggers (instead of just think "that's weird", or "that's revolting") - if we are (a) on here already, and (b) getting triggered, then unless someone has posted something wildly inappropriate, it is an opportunity for us to consider where we truly stand, rather than blame the shiksa with the low neckline.

The day that we can browse all of GYE and recognize and walk away from potential triggers, because they are "not for us" is probably the day we can walk away from GYE forever.  Or turn to giving, rather than taking, from the site.