So here is the issue. I am in the programme because I have issues with acting out (massage parlours - paying women to m* me, never anything more). Yesterday I went to a place that I thought was a regular RMT place, but in fact, they were not RMT's and the massage, although nothing happened, was a bit inappropriate. I went because I am in muscular pain. I had a feeling/hope the place would be a parlour, but wasn't sure, I called before and they said an RMT receipt would be issued in the future, so I had what to rely on.
Anyhow, I'm not sure if this is considered a slip or not. To be honest, I have been reactivated a bit and I want to go back to the more 'aggressive' massages, but I'm really holding back this time, fighting the powerful urges. I think back what I felt like when I left, the money I had wasted, the time, literally hours/days of work, moreover, the seed and the depression about the Zohar etc, and how distant it pushed me from the true Source of everything. But it is a true craziness. I'm thinking of the morning calls I dial into, how I am now at a new level and if I act out it will be real depths of depravity. Plus if the community finds out what I do, I'd be the laughing stock and shame of everything. Would people even eat my food, would they trust me with their kids. Gcd should help and protect us all from the Evil One.
