I realised something recently that my problem with internet porn actually has nothing to do with gaining sexual relief (BH I avoided coming to motzai zera). What my need to look at internet porn was actually about was reproducing in my body and in my head the feeling that looking at porn gave me. It wasn't about any sexual response or desire per se rather about simulating a feeling within me (which was never ever satisfying). I guess that this feeling this medication for my brain which never ever served to satisfy me is exactly the same feeling that drug addicts, alcoholics etc have. And the reason why when I'm in the moment and there is a little voice saying "no. no. dont do this" and I manage to ignore that voice is because my brain, my body and my emotions are all telling me "yes, yes, I know, but I need this".

And this is exactly why marriage never solves the problem, and sometimes even makes it worse.

A great point and something every addict should be reminded of.

Dopamine - look it up.

musicman wrote on 02 Jun 2011 14:03:

Thats right cos - strange as it may sound, for me at least this is not exactly a sexual problem and therefore cant always be solves with sex. Actually I have a beautiful wife and a great sex life and we love each other v much (she has been amazing through out this problem) but this problem is an emotional/mental problem.

I am envious of the bochurs who have discussed this with their wives!! If my wife found out about this, it very well might be the straw to break the camel's back.  If you get my point.

ontheedgeman wrote on 02 Jun 2011 17:13:


I do get your point, I think there were times when I could never have imagined telling my wife and then one day it all sort of came out. BH we have good Shlom Bayis and she said she knew anyway and she has helped me a lot. There are definately yeish deyos as to whether you should tell your wife or not and I wouldnt tell you what to do, but whatever you do you just have to keep on communicating, whether to people here on the forum, or to your Rebbe or friends, just keep on talking - as Eliahu Hanavi says "I will talk so that I may find relief".
Kol Tov and keep fighting brother.

CF

Where is that Eliyahu hanavi quote? I love it.

It's actually Elihu Ben Barachel (also a Navi) abd its in Iyov 32:20

Shavua Tov