Since about 4 hours ago, I've been fighting hard. The urge decided that now was the time to make his move, and he's moving fast. Physical urges, mental urges, wife out of the house, everything set up for my demise. I fought with guerilla tactics, and distracted myself. It's working for the most part, but now it's midnight, I'm going on 3.5 hours of sleep, i'm physically and emotionally tired, and my willpower is running on fumes. I'm confident I can get through the night, and be OK tomorrow, but this is draining. I'm taking it one day at a time, like I should, but there's a huge obstacle coming up in a few weeks, and I can't help thinking about it> My wife and chile are going away for 1.5 weeks, and I'll be here by myself for a long time. That's probably the worst setup imaginable, and after tonight's fight, I'm not feeling very good about it.

I know the answer. The answer is one of the 12 steps: Give my lust to H', admit that I'm powerless to stop it on my own, and help will come. This has worked when I'm generally busy and focused on life, but when I'm left alone..... I'm really just scared. Today will be my first clean week, and that's a huge deal, but if every day is going to be like this, I don't know how long I can last.

Anyone got some chizuk? (I know you do)

It really does get easier.  Do you have someone you can call, or to whom you will make yourself accountable?

And getting through tonight and tomorrow is enough for now - worry about the next day tomorrow, and post again

It's morning here by now. How are you doing ?

imagine the elation you will have if you even get through one day out of the 1.5 weeks. try to imagine yourself and the future you feeling what it will feel.

also when the wife is not home make plans.

go out to eat with friends.
set up a chavrusa with somebody. or just sit and say tehillim.

if you dont plan, you wont win.

to echo some of whats been said, to go for a stretch of time like that you would need a few things

tefila, before during and after
friends you can connect with, preferably in person or on the phone, virtual people can help too
a plan of activity, exercise, hobbies, chavrusas, band practice, whatever
sleep well and eat well
and last but not least, break down the time, don't think of conquering 1.5 weeks, rather focus on the present day and worry about the next one when it arrives

wishing you the best
please keep connected here and let us know how things go, it can benefit you and us

I won

GYE helped me through that one. I ended posting some hashkafa on someone's thread, and I eventually just went to bed. Went to bed wayyyy too late though, and I missed learning/shacharis this morning battle-weary, I guess. Barely made it to work on time.

Glad you won! Success breeds success.

After a spat with my wife this morning I was tempted to just check one woman out, or come to work and chat too long with forbidded fruit just for the thrill.  The thought didn't last long because my sobriety isn't about her, and I know medicating myself will only end in misery and break my streak.  There's nothing harder than the beginning, and I've done it, and I'm not going back.

Don't dwell too much on the upcoming 1.5 weeks.  Getting there in top shape will be your best defense.  In the beginning I was very fearful of falling whenever my wife would go out of town.  It gets easier, but I do keep busy, and stay off the computer at home when she's gone.  If you must get on to do work, do the work but don't linger, don't surf.  Get off when you're done.

I think I saw this idea on the forum somewhere, and I know it's central to SA:

What's that pasuk we say in hallel...Machar hayom asah hashem? Nope! ZEH HAYOM...vnismcha VO!!! Tommorow, incidentally, will also be a day that Hashem gives us, but I'll never let my fears/fantasies/desires for tomorrow prevent me from taking advantage of my opportunities today.

ONE DAY AT A TIME!!!!!

MUSICMAN IS IN THE HOUSE!!

Thanks, guys.

I'm not facing the same battle tonight. YH is retreating and regrouping it seems. Feels good to win the battle, even if the war has only begun.

shkoyach!