Thank you everyone for your comments. I really really appreciate it.
I would like to write more, but I have to go off to Yeshiva for Shabbos.

M'S' I'll be sure to post so more info.
Thanks again for all the advice.
Hashem should guide all of us to a closer connection with Him, and help us overcome our struggles.

Here's an update for today.
Last week after this certain situation happened I said to myself that I had to do something about it. The next night  I started this thread.
Today I met with my Rav and spoke about my problem. (Woo Hoo!!)
I have to say it felt really good getting my problems off my chest to a real person. (as opposed to the forum, no offense to you guys
We spoke for a while.
2 things he told me to put effort into
1. Shmira- If I don't put myself into a position to sin, I won't be able to sin. I thought of the different ways I could prevent another sin like this. Figuring out at what time I "lose control of myself" really helped. All I have to do is keep myself out of the situation right before I lose myslef.
2. Daven- NOTHING, I repeat, nothing can be done without Hashem's help. I have to be Michazek in my davening and my Kavanah. Hopefully this will bring me to a greater level of Siyata D'shmaya, and I can overcome this challenge.
My Rav said he would set me up with a counselor for some therapy sessions.
Until then I'm davening hard and hoping I won't have to deal with this problem any more.

After this experience I would give a tip to anyone having really any problems: Speak to a real person face to face, be it your rebbi, rav, physiologist, counselor. It really helps to speak to a real person.

Oh well.
I always thought I was real.  ???
I guess you learn new things each day on GYE!  :-\

Yehuda0612 wrote on 16 May 2011 03:08:


Excellent move, and his answers are spot-on (not that it needs my approval).  There is no substitute for a tangible person, as long as that person is reasonable (and unfortunately some people have had bad experiences approaching a Rov without the correct tools to deal with these situations).



One more thing, if I may.  I find keeping myself from the sin is imperative, but also keeping the sin from myself (especially in my mind).  This is especially pertinent since you claim to exhibit other signs of sexually questionable behavior.  I wish that for you, one will follow the other.

Of course (to put it bluntly) preventing a homosexual act is significantly more imperative than retraining your thoughts and fantasies; however don't let one eclipse the other totally.

As I mentioned previously, I was able to stop similar actions from occurring, but my behavior deteriorated in other sexual areas.  Initial thoughts (of my parents/Rov) were "Boruch Hashem it's with girls, now".  It's not really so clear-cut.  It was not the "past homosexual activities" that wreaked havoc on my marriage, at all, but rather other more present dangers.  So, if you do want to enjoy a good, Torah-based and meaningful marriage eventually, remember that a horrible past is preferable to an unhealthy, if less sinister, present.

Hatzlocho, Yehuda.  I wish that you move on from this with strength, and avoid the dangers that will challenge you (as they challenge all of us) ahead.

yehuda just  saw your thread, and i red ( קראתי) halve of your first post, i just wanna say one thing, i hope its gonna help you.

a bachur that kisses and touches other bachurim, it dosnt mean he is homosexual, its just that there is no "variety" (woman) in yeshiva, and some how you gotta take out the steam.... but if there would be a lady, everething would be diffrent.

(in case that there is real משכב זכר  it  depends on many things to be able do decide if there is a real tendency for זכרים, any way the point is that bachurim in yeshiva are in certain way like prisioners in the prison.... not because they do it between them dos it make them homosexuals.... its just what there is...)

עלה והצלח
soon you gonna get married and u gonna laugh about all this

I am sorry, ask a proffesional, it is more than just being locked in with other males.
Why do some people have more tendencies than others? It is a different Yetzer Hora (completely different)!!
And no it will not always go away when you are married.
I have a friend who is married and has 2 kids, I am his webchaver. He struggles with this every day!!
Yehuda you are doing the right thing. Work on this with your Rov as much as possible and if it is practically possible see a frum proffesional. Better now than later.
Hatzlocha and have a good Zeman.

willnevergiveup wrote on 17 May 2011 22:24:


I agree.  Some Rabbis are extremely and beyond professional, others are not.




But this specific manifestation of the issue can indeed go away pretty much completely, especially if dealt with at a younger age.  I thank Hashem regularly that I can enjoy a healthy heterosexual life nowadays, many many years on.  All people are different, but it is possible.

TheJester wrote on 17 May 2011 23:38:


But this specific manifestation of the issue can indeed go away pretty much completely, especially if dealt with at a younger age.  I thank Hashem regularly that I can enjoy a healthy heterosexual life nowadays, many many years on.  All people are different, but it is possible.
[/quote]

עד כאן the jester

the first thought for ppl who dont see yehuda has to bee, that yehuda is healthy with the right tendency meaning he likes woman, and the reason why hes now "playing" with man is מחוסר ברירה

this subject is very delicated i am not sure its very smart to say that maybe he is  a real homosexual  such thing should only be said by a analist who actually sees him והמבין יבין

ד' ירחם על עמו ישראל

laagvokeles wrote on 18 May 2011 19:22:


I completely and utterly agree.  It is a matter of one can access.

But if he is like I was (I always liked females, and didn't ever want an emotional connection with a male), he would "get the fix any way he could".  So I don't know about healthy.  I think perhaps addicted, or compelled.  Or maybe healthy.  I agree that if he is getting professional (including the right type of Rabbi) help, then we can add little of value, other than support, and hope that things can indeed get better.

Hi Yehuda.

Welcome to the forum! I am chiming in because I have dealt with some similar issues in my life. I see that you have gotten some very good comments and a whole discussion has ensued. Please feel free to send me a private message or contact me through my email.

your loving brother,

Sturggle