Hi Kadosh,
You ask a phenomenal and very fundamental question. I think though that in order to properly answer it we need to ask one question that precedes yours. That is: Why are we here? Why did Hashem put us in this world? Why did we need it? Why does He need it? Before we can look to see what our relationship with Hashem is, we first need to explore why that relationship even exists!
Now I am highly unqualified to properly answer that question. But I can relate to you some things I've learned through the years, and then maybe you will have more clarity on your issue.
Chazal teach us that we came to this world to do good, and earn the world to come. Great. But we know that if we were given all we needed on this world, and an easy road to success, how much reward do you think we would have earned? It is always "According to the work is the reward". So the only way to earn Olam Haba, is to overcome our challenges, and to succeed through the most difficult times. So in essence, if it is the difficulty itself which earns us Olam Haba, and the more the difficulty, the more the reward, and the whole purpose for our existence is to earn that reward, so now I ask you: Which is better - To have more challenges, or less? And to take it one step further: Who does Hashem love more - The one who He challenges more, therby enabling him to earn more Olam Haba, or the one who He challenges less?
Listen to this Mashal:
You are a new employee, it’s your first day on the job. Your new boss doesn’t stop pestering and annoying you – to no end. He sends you here and then there, basically everywhere and then you finally get to start your work, and he again takes you to task with outbursts, criticism, and irritation.
If we stop the story now, what do you think your attitude will be? Probably: "Why in heaven’s name did I take this job? What do I need this for? This is unbearable! This is no way to live every day!!"
Now let's change it slightly.
You are a new employee, it’s your first day on the job. Your new boss doesn’t stop pestering and annoying you – to no end. He sends you here and then there, basically everywhere and…you finally get to start your work and he then takes you to task again with outbursts, criticism, and irritation – But before this all starts a co-worker quietly comes over to you with the following warning:
"The position this company actually wants to fill is that of vice president. It’s the top position – one of the most pivotal, influential and high paying positions around. However, it carries with it enormous amounts of pressure. The owners are looking high and low for a person that has what it takes to handle the daily pressures, deadlines responsibilities and frustrations, involved. Today is your day. They will be looking into every move you make. They will look to see if you are able to remain cool calm and composed under these types of circumstances. Good luck kid!"
What do you think your attitude will then be? "Wow –a once in a lifetime opportunity just landed on “MY” lap. This is a one out of a million chance, I have to fulfill my dreams – “A Vice President”. I’m going to show these guys what I am made out of!!" What a difference!! And because of a little perspective.
This is Life. Life is full of frustrations, annoyances, and disturbances that interfere with “Our” plans. We see the challenges, obstacles, tests and trials as unwelcome nuisances, ruining our lives with no purpose. We think to ourselves that "if not for these hardships, I’d be able to at least enjoy myself a little in this world and maybe even do better."
We sometimes even think to ourselves "Hashem, WHY ME??!! What did I do to deserve this fate, or this lot in life?"
With such speech we miss the boat COMPLETELY. We forget what was our purpose in life. Hashem does not hurt us. He challenges us. It is up to us to take the challenge upon our own shoulders, and rise to the occasion. And so once again I repeat: The more challenges Hashem throws your way, the more opportunity He is giving you to reach your ultimate goal, and so it proves that He loves you more than you can ever know!!!
Welcome to this exclusive club!!
Hatzlocha!! I hope I helped a little.
PS - for another beautiful Machshava, please see the "Letter from the Yetzer Hara" in my signature on the bottom of this post.
