okay, so long story short, I had a non religious girlfriend for about six months. she was jewish, but we didn't really have any rules. all "fun and games"

for a while, i wanted to break up with her but i did not have the courage. finally, last week, i did it. its like i just saw the light for a few hours, andi just went through with it.

problem is, i miss her more than ever, and all the things i wanted to do seem imposible. i cant stop thinking about her, and everything we used to do. not only do i miss having her around, but i really want to go back to all the physical aspects. i thought by breaking up, I would be able to move forward, but now its seems like that would never happen.

i am beginning to regret my choice.pretty soon, i know that i might reach out to her and try to get things back. this may or may not work, but either way, its probably not the best idea. i can just totally see myself doing that


now what?

Welcome striving,

First of all, Kol haKavod for having done something that was -and is -very hard for you.

I would give you the standard welcome package, but from your post -it doesn't seem like you're suffering from an addiction or struggle with pornography and/or masturbation in any way, which makes most of the welcome package moot.

Unless there's more to your story...

Would you like to enlighten us?

E. ben Durdayah

PS Your signature line is incredible! Where is that from?

I think the answer is contained in your signature:

"Romantic Love is a huge fraud foisted on the western world by poets and novelists, but it has no place in reality, and it always ends in frustration. It is only when marriages are made with rational considerations, that the participants thereby are satisfied."

Is this the type of person you can build a Torah home with?  It sure doesn't sound like it, based on the recent violations of Halacha between the two of you.

I suggest that you only date girls where there is potential for marriage in the near term.  Not because Halacha forbids any other type of dating (which is true), but because, otherwise, you'll just make yourself miserable.  Most of popular music is based on the heartache of broken relationships.  Don't be a part of that culture - you're much better than that!

Hatzlacha!

I hear your dillema and know it must be very difficult and painful to be without her.  It sounds to me like you know it's not good for you yet something is drawing you back anyways.  Whenever we act in a way which we know is bad for us we have to ask ourselves, why am I doing this?  Why do I continue to hurt myself like this?  Hatzlocha.  I hope you find help here.

Daniel

Dear chaver,

What you describe is excruciating, but I have a nechoma for you. As much fun and games as you had, what awaits you in a kosher and honest marriage will make that look like dishwater in comparison.

This may sound silly, but marriage based on true love cannot be replaced by anything. Being able to look into the eyes of your other half and know that here is a real self-aware person who has her own life (not a lust toy) and yet is 100% devoted to one other person in the world: You....well, there is nothing like that in this life.

And it lasts a long, long time - at least till one of you leaves this world, which for you will be a very long time indeed (Amen).

Take it easy and keep sharing. Pain hurts, period.

Thank-G-d that I am not still a desperate wide-eyed wanderer chasing the girl who wants to use me to have her kicks any more. They get old and everything changes, anyhow...