hhhmmm.... it seems I only crawl back here when I am hurt and feel broken....
Im not so into the "talk about my private life" thing on the forum....i know its anonymous but still ...I feel i should know who is giving me advice.

Well, as some of you may recall, im the annoying poster who lives in a basement apartment with another guy who is never around, and after much pain I installed a filter.

Works miracles! I was so happy it felt like a burden had been lifted.
I DID NOT SEE EVIL FOR 2 MONTHS! I cannot express the feeling you get when your free of this garbage.

unfortunatley.....i flunked.....badly....I was so carefree and stopped working on myself because...well there was the filter... so why push myself to hard? relax.....

relaxed and found myself one day trying to overcome the filter out of boredom. it didn't work the first day but as a computer guy, if I play around too long....
well its not easy and it wont be easy again, but I got around the filter....I feel......broken...
2 months!! weirdly i think its 2 months to the day... exactly 2 months... maybe a day off...


but i feel so terrible....i screwed up big time!
...i feel lower than manure...like I don't deserve anything and manure would probably do a better job at this life than me
im so hurt and worse is that i spent so much time trying to break the filter....
partly for fun but mostly for what was on the other side....

im going to sleep.... sad and upset..

i emailed k9 to tell them that i found a slight glitch in there system....
but i guess vie learned i cant just rely on the filter...i have to actually push.
but sometimes..it just comes over me...im not ready for it...

good night...and i hope Gd lets me wake up tomorrow...

If I were you I would be happy about the fact that you found a way around the filter. You should be happy that Hashem is telling you that no filter and no accountability system is gonna ever stop you. GUYS we need to realize it's not the computers fault, it is OUR faults. We need to change ourselves, that is what the 12 steps are all about. It's about changing our attitude and perspective on life. Therefore, s4nh, you should be happy now that you realize no filter is gonna change you. YOU are gonna have to change YOU. It's ALL about working on ourselves.

I know for a fact that in soon time you will look back at this fall and thank Hashem it. When are egos are telling us that we are invincable, it sometimes takes a sledge hammer to teach us that were not. So glue back those shattered pieces and move ahead!

With much love,
Miracles

i woke up today and im not feeling any better.

i feel like I "cheated"on God and he's very upset with me. How can i go through my day with God angry at me?
How can i accomplish anything without God?

its hard to see what happened yesterday as a good thing..But I guess I can learn from it.

Ki rega B'Apo - Hashem is only angry for  a moment.  So you should go back to living Chaim Birtzono.

Palti ben Layish placed a sword between his bed and that of Michal bas Shaul, as a reminder that, although he was being forced to "marry" her, she was not permitted to him, as she was still married to Dovid (contrary to Shaul's erroneous ruling).

What did the sword accomplish?  Couldn't Palti walk around it?  Or take it down?

Answer: The sword was only a Heker - a reminder.  He might feel weak one day.  He might start rationalizing that the Halacha was in accordance with Shaul (who, after all, was a towering scholar, in more ways than one), and that Michal was, therefore, permitted to him.

Filters are very important.  But, they are only a Heker - a reminder, that can help us in a moment of weakness.  But, as Palti ben Layish teaches us, we need to want to be reminded.

Hatzlacha!

Hi!!
Welcome back!!
Your feelings, while completely understandable, are also not fair, and are coming from the YH. He wants us to feel like Hashem is angry and doesn't want to hear us. But like Me3 said, it's only for a minute!! An Olympian who is training for the 500 meter dash, doesn't expect to be able to win it, or even finish in the top 5, his first time out. It's a training process. And what if we are dealing with a really bad habit? Or could we use the word "Addiction"? How do you expect to be perfectly fine and able to completely reverse years of bad behavior, in a few short months? You've done great, you slipped and fell, you're on your way up, now just get back up and move on!!!
If you have not yet listened to this Shiur from Rabbi Yiroel Reisman yet, I urge you to do so. He discusses addictions and what Hashem expects from us. He also talks about the feelings of guilt and Yiush that we all experience. Give it a try, and keep your chin up!! You're on our team now!!!
Here's a link to the Shiur - www.guardureyes.com/GUE/Music/mus/ShiurYesodos.mp3

Hatzlocha Raba!!!

miracles wrote on 30 Mar 2011 04:28:


Couldn't have said it better myself. Filters are useless. Doesnt mean that you should install as many as posible, but dont ever think that filters will remove your yetzer horah. At best, it removes your COMPUTERS yetzer hora!  :D

Probably a must for everyone. Just don't actually rely on it!