Walking to Shul last Shabbos I suddenly realised that I had spent almost half my life fighting against lust addiction and that scared me. I realised that it was obvioulsy a bigger issue than I had fooled myself into believing, and so am starting my journey to ridding myself of this damaging addiction.

I know it will be a long and difficult process. I have never been more than a week clean for the past 17 years. I will try each day to record my battle. This morning I acted out and I hope that it will be the last time for a while. I have spent a lot of time today reading about the resources on GYE and hope to put some of them into practise.

I know I need to take it slowly and really just from moment to moment

Cheshbon,

i am quite excited to greet you, and of course there's too much to say

for starts, please post often-this is how we exchange and recieve the incredible wisdom passed around here that does brain surgery to us so effectively

and of course, read the incredible handbooks

and be honest, without triggering information please,

you already know to be patient, which will save you six months of anxiety


here, learn the tools of how to live a better and healthier life

and to identify WHY you are running to this shmutz to feel better

trade wisdom, share experiences or words of dispair

learn the term KOT (keep on trucking)

you do not even know what good you have found, my friend
whats going on exactly.?..
LET THE EPIC BEGIN!

Chesbon, welcome.  You've come to the right place.  Yes, it is a long and difficult process, but as long as we are engaged in the "process" we are doing what we are supposed to and Hashem will help us along.  Hatzlacha

Cheshbon,

Welcome to our community, you have finally come home!

We're all in the same boat here. Tzuras Rabim Chatzi Nechama   Once you've arrived, there's no turning back. Everyone here will just grab a hold of you and pull you up with them!

GYE Program in a Nutshell: (Right Click the link and press "Save Link/Target As" to save the PDF file to your computer).

'Guard Your Eyes' offers a unique approach to helping people by recognizing that there are many different levels in the struggle for "Shmiras Ainayim" and "Shmiras Habris". After studying the experience of hundreds of religious strugglers over the past few years, we put together the suggestions and recommendations that we feel are best for the various levels. We divided the tools, features and services that GYE offers into 8 different levels. This "GYE Program in a Nutshell can help people quickly identify at what level of the struggle they are at, and which tools and features would help them most at their particular level.

Here are some quick things you can do to help you jump straight into recovery:

1) Make sure to install a strong filter. It will be almost impossible to break free of this while having all the garbage within a mouse click away. See this page for one good filter option, along with instructions on how to install it best – and give away the password to our "filter Gabai"… See this page for another 20 (or so) filter ideas and information… We also highly advise installing "Reporting Software" such as webchaver.org to give you some accountability, because filters alone are usually not sufficient and they can often be bypassed.

2) Join the daily Chizuk e-mail lists to get fresh chizuk every day.

3) Scientific studies have shown that it takes 90 days to change a neural thought pattern that was ingrained in the brain through addictive behaviors. Did you join the 90 day chart on-line? Sign up over here.

4) Post away on this forum! You will get tons of daily Chizuk and support. This disease can't be beat alone. It works best when you get out of isolation!

5) GuardYourEyes also offers many free anonymous phone conferences where you can join a group of other frum Yidden, along with an experienced sponsor. See www.guardyoureyes.org > Tools > Phone Conferences for many different options. Our conferences are taking place every day, morning, noon and night… Joining a phone group would be a tremendous step in the right direction for you and help you learn freedom from this addiction. Not only will you learn the secret of the 12-Steps – which is known to be the world's most powerful program for beating addiction having helped millions world wide, but the daily call will be another way of GETTING OUT OF ISOLATION and connecting with others who are going through what you are.

6) If you need more general guidance, write to our e-mail helpline at gye.help@gmail.com or call our hotline at 646-600-8100.

7) Download and read the "Guard Your Eyes Handbook". This handbook outlines the GYE approach in detail, and makes our network much more effective and helpful for people. The handbook has two parts:

A) The first part, "Attitude & Perspective", details 30 basic principles to help us maintain the proper attitude and perspective on this struggle. Here are some examples: Understanding what we are up against, what it is that Hashem wants from us, how we can use this struggle for tremendous growth, how we can deal with bad thoughts, discovering how to redirect the power of our souls, understanding that every little bit counts, learning how to bounce back up after a fall, and so on and so forth…

The second part, "The 18 Tools", detail suggested tools and techniques, in progressive order, beginning with the most basic and fundamental approaches to dealing with this addiction, and continuing down through increasingly earnest and powerful methods. No matter what level our addiction may have advanced to, we will be able to find the right tools to break free in this handbook!

May Hashem be with you!

Elazar ben Durdayah

welcome!
i like your attitude. it is a process and takes time, methodical work and patience. be'ezras Hashem you will get far as long as you don't let the bumps in the road throw you off track.
lots of hatzlocha
zs

Hey everyone,

Thanks for all your responses. The genuine care everyone shows for each other here is a beautiful thing. I am finding today quite tough, I’m listless and it seems like I have tension everywhere. I’m finding it hard to muster the energy to fight but I am confident that at this particular moment I won’t give in. I think this is the principle that I’m finally starting to internalise. Of course we all know that it’s about not falling right now that is the main thing and not to worry too much about tomorrow, but it’s actually a really hard thing to genuinely follow and believe. I’m getting there, though I think. I may fall later, I may not – right now I don’t really care because I’m not falling right now.

I also have started to learn a lot more about how Hashem can/is helping me with this struggle through my wonderful son. He is now 2 years old, and loves his Tatty completely – it’s always me that he wants to put him to bed and get him up in the morning and every moment that I’m around he wants me to play or read or whatever. His love for me is so powerful that of course I drop whatever I’m doing and attend to him. This is exactly how Hashem is with us – only how much more so!

Keep on the good work chaverim!
Hatzlocha!

ATTITUDE A
ENTHUSIASM A
DERECH ERETZ A
POST QUALITY A
GYM A
MATH C

Welcome!!

It sounds like your attitude is in the right place. I wish you a tremendous amount of success.

One word of caution. The purpose of this GYE site is to provide comfort and tools for those who are suffering, while they are fighting the addiction. However, there is a danger that comes with that. If someone is not serious enough about fixing himself, he will find a safe haven here of many well-meaning people who will "pick him up" after a fall. Ultimately, your success is in your own hands. If you find yourself constantly slipping and even falling, and you don't see any real progress, you need to be honest with yourself and "up the anty". Read through the "GYE in a nutshell" and try to determine where you are really holding, so you can tailor make a plan for success. Don't be satisfied with mediocrity. Fight until the addiction is eradicated!!!
May Hashem help you in your journey to sobriety!!!
Reb Yid

C'mon tzaddik give him a break on the math grade!
you know you get judged by how you judge others!
welcome to the club, cheshbon!
just to let you know that 17 years of falling is probably not as frustrating as 30.
Thats not to say that your situation is not frustrating, but I just wanted you to know that you arent alone. Many of us are just like you. We've been suffering in silence for most of our lives. Finally we have somewhere to find help and support and a way out of this dark and dingy pit!

As the one who proved Einstein wrong (it's really E=MC3), let me be the judge here!  ;D

I agree 100% with Reb Yid's caution.  Receiving Chizuk is not worth very much unless we do something with it.

WOW!!!
I am speechless!
I feel a wave of Kedusha sweeping over me......................... : : : :

Thanks for the Chizuk, Reb Yid! 

I understand why you're so surprised, though - as a Rebbe, you're not used to being agreed with! ;D

Nu? What maths did I do that I got such a bad grade?!

(Although it's true that my maths is terrible!)

Yes, it is a very good caution - chizuk without action is not very useful. I have often got into a spiral where I study mussar and then get so frustrated and angry that it "doesn't work" and it's really because I'm not properly taking it in and actually allowing the lessons to have an impact on my day to day living. I'm starting to try to just slow things down and not rush. The Windows of the Soul book I got here is proving quite good so far, but rather than spend one day on each lesson, I'm spending two and that seems to be helping. I want create a proper yesod which I think is where I've failed in the past.

Hoe you are all doing well today.

i also really like Windows of the Soul. very well-written and split it easy to chew chunks.

how are you doing today reb Cheshbon?