I have been clean for just over 2 weeks, after several months of clean before that, but I still feel dirty from the recent fall.  I go to the mikvah but I realize that holding on to the proverbial sheretz makes my tevilah useless.

In fact, now I seem to have a sense what small thoughts sprout the fall.  It starts with reading a blog I shouldn't be reading...  that starts the thought factory.  Then again, even the site of a place near where I work can start the machine.  Or even the scent of a certain perfume or a washroom deodorizer can start the thoughts of lust. 

I'm reading mindfulness books and working the steps, but this is a rather unique issue that I'm not sure how to resolve.  Anyhow just thought I'd share... will keep reading through the posts.
Chazak and chizuk to the Am Kadosh.

hey there..

good for you for taking the time to take a deep look at yourself - and ask some tough questions:

- where am i
- how did i get here
- where am i going

and you are also very insightful as to what is going on in your brain.

Imagine a spiders web (BTW - there is a reason the internet is called THE WEB)...
when you go onto the Internet (or shall I say, when you ENTER the NET) ...

you are creating a carefully planned out elaborate web within your mind... whereby all triggers are designed to trap you (sights, smells, memories, etc). Before long you will wind up a slave to your desires...completely tangled in the web which YOU have woven.

Maybe one day, you'll  c'v completely loose touch with your humanity, look up... and seeing the sinister fangs of the spider about to devour you... you'll realize you've been reduced to spider food, it will be the end!

BE"H you'll wake up before the end of this nightmare...

my humble suggestion... next time you get triggered, and feel the desire to ENTER the NET...

Turn around, and ...
RUN!!!
SCREAM FOR HELP!!!

do what ever it takes to get out of there.

just my 2 cents.
but what do I know...

if I am wrong, will someone please tell me?
but in this case I think I am right

dov.ii