Hey guys,

I've haven't been doing so well lately. In fact I've been struggling a lot. I figured, at least after my 5th step call, i would really start to grow. However, it seems that I've been doing worse than ever. Not to long ago a thought popped into my mind. I said to my self, "Forget all this hard work, it's worthless, just wait for Duvid Chaim's next cruise and you'll stop then!" After giving it some more thought, I screamed out "NO NO NO I can't keep saying that". I can't keep telling myself that I will eventually stop and it's ok if I act out cause I'm still young and most of these other guys on this site are much older and they stop. I can't get pushing it off. I need to recover!!!!!! The holy Rav Gifter once said "the buchurim always say, 'oh next zman that will be MY ZMAN where I really do it, where i give it all I got.' Rav Gifter would scream out in his booming voice, 'NO NO NO, when are they gonna make THIS zman their zman. MAKE this zman the zman.'"

So with that I'd like to say that, I can't wait till the next criuse. It needs to be this zman, this cruise, TODAY!!!

I cannot continue to be selfish and egotistical. I can not continue to hurt the loved ones I've caused so much damaged to.  And, I cannot continue to hurt myself anymore. I deserve better!!!!

"Ki'bilu Vi'keymu. Key'mu ma'sheKi'bilu Kevar." Today I reaccept the responsibility and the chiyuv I have to become healed.

With deep love,
Miracles
(A.k.A. LevTahor)

miracles wrote on 22 Mar 2011 06:16:

Dear miracles/lt,
do not forget the other side of the coin, to judge yourself likaf zchus for the shortcomings that you do have

if we can accustom ourselves to treat ourselves better, it will certainly help us treat others better as well. This is true for many reasons, among them that kul haposel bimumo posel, and that the chinuch always says that when we act positive in a proactive sense, it develops in us a desire and ability to extend that action to other areas in our lives.

was problem with my browser.
to continue my thoughts,
the way that we view ourselves is our window to the world and others.
So you DO have to stop self destructive behaviors.
and it DOES have to be today.

but using tremendous positive thinking and hapiness may be a key factor in this chess game of yours, forgive me if i'm totally off. either way these ideas are true and necessary.

to accustom ourselves to see the good in others and in everything is part of this chulent. this includes ourselves and our family-this pattern of thinking can assist us in having more sensitivity for ourselves and our families, and more mercy on ourselves to recover, AND more mercy to absorb our losses

the chovos halvavos says to praise even the whiteness of the teeth of a dead carcass
it is also brought in kuntress alpha baisa from talmid of magid of zlatchov, if chassidus is your cupe of nana tea

to be happy with our lot, happy with the struggles we have and the losses we have, the family we have

and to be happy with the recovery we have, today's current situation is the best

so we keep striving to grow, but our growth will be in tandem with as much room as we make ourselves for it

love back,
tz