What?! Women are human, too?!
  Breaking Free chizuk #1453  
In Today's Issue
Image of the Day: Stop the demand for sex slavery.
Daily Dose of Dov: A moment in the life of a full-blown sex addict
Announcements: Shmiras Einayim Audio Shiurim
Prevention: 25 Steps to Beating Porn Addiction
90 Day Journey
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Still Clean Had a fall
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Image of the Day

Say "No," if only for the sake of another human being, who may be "broken into" the sex trade right now to fill the demand. 

Learn to look at a woman - even a sex worker - as another, suffering human being. See Dov's Dose below for thoughts on this subject.

Stop the demand for sex slavery.
Stop the demand for sex slavery.
Daily Dose of Dov
A moment in the life of a full-blown sex addict
Lusting, Laughing, Praying
By Dov

Someone shared on GYE that he has found a tool to help him. When he feels the temptation to stare at and/or follow these women with his eyes, he thinks about the realness of this woman that he is worshiping, and tries to use that realization to snap him out of it and treat her like a real human.

That is a fabulous idea and I am so glad he shared that here!

But I have found that, for myself, the technique that he described is just not going far enough. I need to actually pray to Hashem for the woman I don't let go of. To ask Him to help her in every way He sees fit for her. To bless her with health, save her from the horrible pains of real life (death is not very nice, getting old and losing your loved ones sucks, too, and most of us will have to confront some very frightening disease eventually and there really is no escape for most of us; then there are many who suffer the pains of wayward children, painfully screwed up marriages etc, etc - and all these things must be even harder for goyim than they are for us Yidden, for at least we have a strong moral compass and a Torah and Torah-community that makes facing real life challenges easier.......don't we? If I were brought up as she was, gevalt, how lost would I be! So, I often have an easier time feeling for their pain, as strange as that may seem.)

Thinking about her as a real person is nice - but it is still thinking about her. And thinking about her is never a good idea, for me. If you are lusting after her and wishing to snatch a better look at her, then you are obviously worshiping her on some real level. That needs to be recognized first and foremost, and faced squarely. Denial is no escape - it is just a feeble lie that will get us nowhere. Once that is accepted fully, we can start to take real action for her - not just to 'think about her.' Concrete actions are usually what speaks much louder than thinking... and thinking will often just breed more thinking. Thinking is also way too close to fighting. And we know the Kotzker tells us that wrestling with a muddy man with just make us more muddy in the end, even if we win. Sincerely praying for them is very different than thinking about them. It's magical, actually... if it is sincere.

And one caveat for this technique:

It's very poor as a first line of defense. In fact, as a first line of defense it is usually just a trick our desire uses in order to keep holding onto the person/image/lust object. It then backfires. I use dropping it as my 1st response. I admit (usually verbally, speaking the words quietly to myself and to my G-d, not just thinking them) that, "She isn't mine and won't be mine and I have no business with her." I usually have a faint smile when I say these words, because I find it a bit comical that I would entertain any thought that she really is mine or that I have any real business checking her out. I have gotten used to laughing about most lust temptations. And they just pass, like driving by an interesting road-kill... yeah, it's interesting to see if that deer has his brains or intestines splattered open and what they actually look like... but - I think I can go on without stopping on the highway right now, cuz 1- I'm busy going somewhere and 2- it's really none of my business anyhow.

Don't you find it a bit comical, too? Can't you honestly apply it to lusting, as well? I do. And I am a full-blown, powerless sexaholic. Just cuz I have been sober today for many years does not mean I have forgotten an iota of the pain you go through when she passes and you feel you must, must check out her bottom and waist - or else.

I have not forgotten, Boruch Hashem. And I am still free, and not asking G-d for for more than today.

Shmiras Einayim Audio Shiurim
Altogether, 428 recorded shiurim are available using the phone numbers below:
  • To hear a playback of the first 242 shiurim, dial: 641-715-3371 / PIN#: 616701#
  • Then put in the number of the shiur you want to hear (it starts from 2 through 243.)

    Later, we changed numbers to allow for international calls.

  • To hear a playback of the next 186 shiurim, dial: 641-715-3813 / PIN#: 454413#
  • Then put in the number of the shiur you want to hear (1 through 186)

For more info - and to download the shiurim as MP3 files, see this page

25 Steps to Beating Porn Addiction

Please check out the full guide to beating porn addiction in this and upcoming issues (For the first in the series, please refer to issue #1436). The creators of the infographic have taken each of the 25 strategies and provided clear practical actions to take in detail:

Fill your life with Meaning

    If you’re addicted to porn you might be feeling lethargic and uninterested in other activities. You need to get out of that mindset. Use the visualisation techniques discussed earlier to think through what you want to do with your life. And if you’re stuck, download these free life coaching tools which will help you fill your life with meaningful activities. Mind Toolsand the Coaching Tools Company.

    You should also check out the Sacred Sexuality Project set up by Mark Queppet, a former NoFapper, who is now a life coach. He provides advice and support through videos and coaching. Mark believes that many therapist don’t understand the impact of high speed internet porn on users’ brains.

    Today people use porn as a mood modifier. If you are feeling bored, anxious, lonely, angry, sad or have any other negative emotion, you can turn some porn on and instantly escape from that discomfort.

    Mark Queppet. Founder of Sacred Sexuality Project. 


Do you think you may have a porn addiction?

Do you have a problem with obsessive and compulsive porn use? Have you seriously tried the tools on GYE and feel that you are not getting better? Maybe it’s time to consider joining a 12-Step program.

Porn Anonymous (PA)
If you’re compulsively acting-out with pornography and masturbation we suggest you explore joining Porn Anonymous (PA). If you need help deciding whether to join PA, call Michael at 347-699-2368, or email help@pornanonymous.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit pornanonymous.org (Hebrew: p-a.org.il / Yiddish: pa-yid.org).

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
If your compulsive acting-out has progressed beyond the screen (with other people, paid sexual services, etc.) we suggest you explore joining Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To figure out if SA is for you, call Dov at 917-414-8205, or email Dov at dov@guardyoureyes.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit www.sa.org.

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