Tuesday, 31 January 2012

This time, I surrender!

A 21 year old Bochur posted the following on the forum:

by Ano-nymous (See all authors)

Before I joined GYE last year, I was being constantly attacked by lust. I was a heavy "user". It was an everyday pastime, and sometimes many times a day. I never considered it abnormal because I had great excuses, such as "My friends are doing it" and "it's healthy for you," but somehow it just didn't feel right. After coming to GYE, I got 7 months clean, but every day was a battle. Then it got easier, and I started to relax my guard and started slipping gradually again. So gradually, in fact, that I hardly noticed. But after falling twice in one day, I finally decided that enough is enough. Even if I "only" need a drink once in a while, I cannot live life like that, and I knew that it would inevitably get worse if I let it keep going.

This time, I wanted to switch from the fighting method to the "surrender and connect to God" method, because I didn't want to live a life of "only" watching porn here or there. It is unacceptable for a civilized human being (which I consider myself to be), even if you leave aside the religious issues, and it will wreak havoc on a marriage (lots of proof to that here on the website). And if I am doing something - which I DO NOT want to do - even occasionally, it means I am not in control of myself at all. This is not the way a human being is supposed to live.

So I rejoined the forum again, and I'm going to attempt to work God into my life and let Him help me out (you just have to LET him in!). I joined Duvid Chaim's calls and I'm surprised that he doesn't have more people on the calls (there were 14 the first time I called in). The calls are GREAT, and they leave me feeling so inspired.

I believe that the reason more people don't call in is because they think "only addicts call in, and I am certainly NOT an addict." But according to Rabbi Twerski's definition of an addict, if on a regular basis you find yourself doing things which you KNOW you should not do and do NOT want to do, you ARE an addict. Anyone who fits this definition (which probably includes almost everyone visiting this website) will most likely benefit from applying the 12 Steps in their daily lives.

I wish I would have joined Duvid Chaim's group sooner. I love the style of the call, as well as his brutal honesty (which is not presented in a brutal manner at all!). I plan to call in as often as I can now.

Thanks so much Duvid Chaim!

P.S. I've set up my cell phone in such a way that I can send and receive calls for free, so the phone conference call, which is an hour each day, is totally free for me! Check out this post where I describe in more detail how you can also set up your phone to make and receive free calls! (I also use this method to call my accountability partner for free).