I Want Life!
Today's call was so eye-opening for me! If I may paraphrase the amazing revelation that Duvid Chaim shared:
Always being "on guard" against lust by consciously avoiding it, either via willpower, or by putting in place "S.M.O.G" (S ome M echanisms O f G uard) like filters, etc. is NOT real Recovery. True Recovery is the "Living in Tranquility without R.I.D (R estlessness, I rritability, D iscontent)", so that the underlying and real causes of the "lust need" are removed from my life.
THIS IS IT FOR ME. I've only been fooling myself all along. If being "on guard" can not ultimately save me, then I really am powerless against this addiction. I know that I am at Step 1 now. And I thank G-d and "y'all" for sparing me from hitting bottom before I got there!
The ending of this call was so cathartic for me. The emotion in Duvid Chaim's voice echoed the wounds and unfulfilled dreams hidden in my heart. I so want to get into recovery, it hurts. I WANT that LIFE he described so beautifully;
- A life without the shame, anger and self hate and pain that stares back at me from the mirror.
- A life of shalom bayis where my children and my wife feel totally comfortable around me, and they don't see any spectre of "something" separating us from an easy comfort with each other.
- A life where I can feel connected to my Father in Heaven every day, maybe even every moment.
- A life of dedication to others, to help make their lives better.
Simply put, I WANT A LIFE.
Please, my dear fellow members of this holy fellowship, let's all accept it once and for all that being "on guard" is not the real solution. It never was, and it never will be. Let's all move forward together. LET'S ALL GET A LIFE!!
Your teary-eyed friend,