And now it's later so here's the longer post.
I've been trying very hard to set myself up in my new job with the mindset that my work computer is only for work. Been pretty good at that so far, but alas, that means no GYE at work. And at home, I'm trying to leave my computer on the shelf to minimize temptations. Which is also good, but means no GYE at home. (anyway it's hard for me to post bc I hide GYE from my wife more than I hid porn - there's no yetzer pushing me to peek while she's in the next room). So I've been lax about checking in.
To keep up that motivation from that check in I asked HHM to be my accountability partner and he graciously agreed. Hopefully that'll keep me honest.

One thing I've been thinking about. I went from a pretty good matziv, where I was going on a very solid streak, to the wide open business world. Honestly, I don't understand why women dress like they do in professional settings but it's very tough. And I traded the bnei yeshiva I used to have as coworkers for these people? Plus the unfiltered/less filtered computer (I do believe it's monitored at least that puts some fear into me). And it's big yeridah in a lot of ways. So if I was struggling before how am I going to succeed now? And I think about the last job I had where I would wait for everyone else to leave and "work late"....
So it's very stressful.
But I saw an amazing quote from the gra. The gemara says yitzro shel adam misgaber alav bchol yom... The gra says when does hashem help you? When if not for his help the yetzer would be misgaber. But if you're not doing everything you can and you just let the yetzer hara overcome you without fighting to the utmost Hashem won't help you.

Right now, it was the right thing to take this job and put myself into this situation (I think). And so I'll fight with my all. And it's true that's not enough. But I rely on hashem to carry me through if I do my part.
Right now, that means image blocker on the computer at work, minimize internet at home, and accountability partner. Plus continuing urge surfing techniques and davening. And even though it's not enough it's all I can do and I'm going to do it and not give.

Good night.

I hope to check in weekly now.

crispy wrote on 21 Nov 2023 03:43:

Be in touch with your service provider maybe they can block some numbers permanently.
Good luck.

true_self wrote on 20 Nov 2023 21:13:

I am unaware of any way to block a number from being called. And anyway I can always unblock them.
If anyone knows how I can do something of this nature, it would be a huge help. 

crispy wrote on 19 Nov 2023 20:41:

I don't know how these calls work, but is it possible to delete/block contacts?

I would try honing your skill at urge surfing. Its related and has really helped many of us.

crispy wrote on 19 Nov 2023 20:36:

I am not sure I know what you mean by that. I would love to have more of a clear plan.
as of now i try to keep myself away from the garbage, and when i face an urge i try to do urge surfing.Is there any idea what other geder i can make?Of course I am not approving of myself making those phone calls and I try to take on myself not to start. I was just talking about when it happened already.

freedom11 wrote on 16 Nov 2023 14:00:

Yeah, the hard times are hard. I'm feeling your pain.
You wrote, " I did not ask Hashem for help as Hashem Help Me suggested. I find that when I get a strong urge my mind sorta goes blank."
I think we can all relate to that. One thing I've found helpful for this specific problem is to use the more highly motivated times to get into the habit of preparing a response to the bad times.
For example, I've been using the posuk of אֵ֗שׁ תָּמִ֛יד תּוּקַ֥ד עַל־הַמִּזְבֵּ֖חַ לֹ֥א תִכְבֶּֽה׃ (which is supposed to be a segula for clearing the mind from hirhurim) as a urge surfing meditation, just saying the posuk slowly a couple times when I see something triggering. I've tried to do that before but was never able to remember to say it in the moment. So I started saying it every night a couple times to ingrain it as a more habitual response; now it comes to mind more readily in the heat of the moment.
This is probably not helpful in the very short term, but if you want to get into the habit of davening for help as HHM suggested, or get in the habit of viewing self-control as a greater pleasure as Iwannalivereal suggested, practicing during the good times will make the response more of a habit which will make it easier to activate that habit during the bad times.

I am b''h now at a 18 day strike now, what a gift from hashem!
things start to feel a little more easy on me, the urge surfing tool is a huge chizuck for me.
( and btw it does not make any sense to me why this should help-and every time at the beginning it feels like its getting worse but then the urge is mysteriously gone)
I am praying to hashem he should help me remember that i still need him to rescue me every day, and i should not fall back in to the cycle of feeling proud which usually leads to a massive fall.
thanks for all words of kindness u are all giving my so much strength.

Thanks for the suggestions.
Thoughts of the IT reviewing my history may help, but eventually that may fade. Also, it's a small company that definitely doesn't have an IT guy on staff - maybe they have one on call.
It's the type of place where admitting weakness will not earn you brownie points - it's run by an absolute perfectionist who has no patience for weakness. But maybe I could install something without them noticing? Are there filters that run entirely as a browser add on - something like that is probably easier to install?
I guess I'll see what it's like if I get the job. There were other halachic reasons I was going to turn it down, but I asked a shaila about those reasons and was told it's okay.

In other news, today was b''h smooth. I was definitely more focused on this potential new job than other urges and today went pretty smoothly. Helped that the internet went down today at the office for like an hour - couldn't work since we all work on the cloud so everyone at the office just hung out in the conference room. Socialization is also good for distracting from urges. There's definitely salot about working at an all frum male office I will miss if I move on.
Tomorrow will be a week clean since my last fall. Other post-Yom Kippur falls have spiraled on for months so I'm feel like I'm making some progress. I've been working on urge surfing and I think that's been helping.

I did last night for the first time the "urge surfing" thing. It actually felt like it was intensifying the urge.I thought that its going t end really bad, but I must say it really works. I guess it takes you away from being in it, to observing it from outside. It worked! literally in 6/7  minutes the urge was gone.
wow! thank u hashem!

I called this topic stepping stones because I have learned over the years that it can take decades, but eventually every challenge leads to growth, including challenges that originally seem like they are only leading to failure. 

I had a setback two days ago for the first time since I started my journey. It happened on day 90 which means that I had a beautiful 89 days of healthy success for the first time in my life. I was discouraged for a day and a half but I am starting to feel very positive again. I had one slip in the first week or two of my journey and now the first setback. Chazal say that the Yetzer Horah renews himself on a person every day. I realized that my slip and setback came about when the Yetzer Horah came from an unexpected angle of challenge that I didn't experience previously. In other words, I haven't actually lost ground in my success, however I have to be more prepared for unexpected situations. I generally don't have urges and it is safe for me to practice mindfulness tools when everything is going well. I am thinking of practicing tools like Urge Surfing and SOBER here and there so that hopefully when a new challenge appears I will automatically switch gears to these tools.

No Mask wrote on 08 Sep 2023 17:38:

You have accomplished so much! It would be a crime to not be makir that! Having lustful thoughts is not a sin. Its the acting on them that is.

No Mask wrote on 08 Sep 2023 17:38:

Why do you think you're not doin' well? Because you saw a nice woman or two and enjoyed the sights? So what? She is God's creation! Enjoy, move on and feel good!

Godspeed

I don’t feel I’m doing well

I’m not masturbating

I’m not watching porn

But I do look on the street….

When I’m in the grocery, I do find myself in the aisle, something I didn’t do for a long time

It means much too much to me to see a nice women etc.

You know when a computer thinks, there is this turning ring, I feel by me lately my brain is doing that to find lust in everything, going to a store, going to doctor etc. the computer [brain] processing it with lust

I need to get to refocus

Practice

1.      Urge surfing

2.      Mindfulness

3.      ACT

Because just fighting doesn’t help, it actually makes it worse

So I need to find a way that it doesn’t have a grip on me, not that I’m fighting the grip it has on me

So what am I doing L’maseh

Life is so busy or distracting and it doesn’t happen to have time to practice the above

Maybe a partner would be a great idea, so it keeps me in check, and it takes me out from the isolation

bright wrote on 13 Aug 2023 14:07:

I did have to use many tools in the toolbox including urge surfing but only for the first few weeks. Now that I got it under control my urges are very easy to handle. I wouldn't call it a struggle any more. I believe I did build solid foundations of how to make it through an urge and how to get up after a fall. I already helped others and it worked. I only faced the challenge of whether to give in to an urge or fight it for the first few weeks of my journey but I did help others that were about to give in. It is much easier to help others than to fight for myself so it is good in a way that I am fortifying myself before going out to a tough battle. Only that I lost so many battles until now and I could have already been an experienced fighter.