Exercise, connection, including the forum, and doing something you enjoy are therapeutic interventions for depression, and Urge Surfing, other tools in the toolbox, journaling and CBT from the Cabin Pressure section of the F2F program are therapeutic interventions for anxiety and many other negative emotions. Regarding a difficult childhood, I had one and a lot of it got resolved indirectly by posting and overcoming my struggles. Regarding a low self-esteem, as far as what relates to these struggles the forum does a pretty good job at building a person's self-esteem. Connection, including on the forum, the F2F program and TBOTG are therapeutic interventions for struggles, and the chizzuk and guidance given in the forum is more effective than what can be received in ordinary formal therapy sessions. I have a very good therapist and I am writing from experience. The F2F program might be underutilized because it is hardly mentioned on the forum, perhaps because it is assumed that people are taking the course. There is psychoanalytical therapy which digs deep into the problems of the past and it isn't addressed anywhere on GYE. Modern therapy has moved away from it for the most part but even if and when this is necessary it would have to be done in individual therapy sessions.

There are people who need the 12 steps, traditional therapy, a mentor or partner in addition to the forum and they should do so but the forum isn't meant for that. There might be someone who is using the forum without taking the proper action to effectively overcome his struggles and is just going around in circles. If someone is in that situation he should take note of it and adjust his strategy. As far as the forum goes, there are people who go for traditional therapy for many issues and don't heal for the same reason.

Please specify if there is something that is not being addressed with all of the above.

Welcome!
Happy to hear you are trying to address this difficult struggle!
I had this problem when I started and worked out several methods to deal with it: 1) if you have roommates go to bed at the same time as them or a drop earlier. 2) listen to something while falling asleep (music, comedy, a book, or a shiur) 3) work on your sleep in general, in the GYE+ theres a section on sleep which helped me a lot in getting a better routine so that I fall asleep quicker. 4) keep a chart by your bed to mark off good days when your going to sleep. 5) even if you don't have something to listen to (or if it makes it to hard to fall asleep) prepare something else to think about so you don't slip into fantasizing. 6) if fantasizing is part of the problem, work on redirecting your thoughts (others have had success with urge surfing, while I personally have not had success I would suggest trying it as it has a lot of good reviews.)
Hatzlachah Rabba!!!!!!!!!
Your doing an amazing thing! Keep in touch!

It might be disappointing that you are facing a struggle. You have a long history of success and you should be able to make it through this struggle as well. Exercise, Connection, Urge Surfing, and finding things to do that I enjoy (behavioral activation) got me out of situations of stress and despair. When possible, it is worth dealing with the stressors themselves and resolving them. You might also find speeches of Rabbi Elimelech Biderman or someone else very useful. It might be worth reading TBOTG so you are well prepared if you have an urge. Keep up your good work. We are rooting for you.

The only quick fixes for anxiety that I know of are medication and sometimes STOP, but I found journaling, Urge Surfing, meditation and exercise to have long term effects. If you do them at night they may reduce your anxiety level significantly throughout the day. There are breathing exercises that can be done even while you work.

yitzchokm wrote on 31 Dec 2023 05:25:

I was going to say something encouraging about  journaling... and then I read this...

'Nuff said.

I journal 3 pages a week, mostly about negative emotions. I found two ways of doing this. One is when I have negative emotions that are extremely powerful. They are making me extremely angry, stressed, etc. to the point that I am about to explode. I write everything down in a journal exactly the way I am thinking in my mind with all the negative emotions and all its severity. I write extreme powerful emotions exactly the way I feel them. The emotions are too strong for processing so I just write them out on paper as they are. This releases extreme amounts of tension and help me avoid a panic attack or screaming at someone.

The second type of journaling is when I have very strong emotions of anger, stress, etc. but I am not about to lose my mind. I may act out later if I don't resolve them. I write down what transpired, and my thoughts and emotions the way I see it. I am relaxed enough that although I see things subjectively I am capable of seeing other people's perspectives and pointing out the parts of my thinking that are objectively speaking irrational and I write them down as well. This actually treats the negative emotions with CBT the same way a psychologist would treat them. I am very trained at this from therapy sessions where my psychologist does this for me so I am actually in a way acting as my own psychologist. I bring my journaling to the psychology sessions but I have already done most of the work myself. All the techniques I use for CBT are in the cabin pressure section of the Flight to Freedom program. I also redeemed coins on GYE for Urge Surfing audio sessions that I use frequently for negative emotions. Nowadays, I am so good at this that I do it the second negative emotions surface, way before they have the time to lead to an urge to act out.

Serious fall yesterday. Saw it coming I guess since I had a smaller fall the day before and it tends to be aveirah gorers aveirah.
Realized though it's been over a month since my last fall. Trying to take pride in that.
Hashem gave me a good smack upside the head though. I got home from work (late of course, since I was busy falling). My wife set up a special date night, with an activity. Details omitted but it involved a black light lol. I was so paranoid it would show the evidence of my crime. I fuffled and delayed so I could shower first. But it was pretty funny I guess.
Re-commiting to the following three things.
1. Practicing my urge surfing meditation thing daily.
2. Absolutely no personal stuff at work (except for checking my personal email, since that's very hard for me not to do).
3. Do 3 squats when I feel an urge.
90 days from today is (roughly) Purim. If I stay clean till then I'm buying myself the fanciest bourbon I can find for Purim. Let's do it.

50 days clean strike!!!!!
My secret (with hashems help and many tefilos) is this urge surfing tool. 
I have not yet found something that helps me avoid urges, although with time it's getting somewhat easier, but this urge surfing thing works wonders with me, it has saved me from falling so so many times.

Would the oilem be interested in having a thread discussing the effect of urge surfing and how it feels? 
I have much to share as I do this a few times a week.

true_self wrote on 11 Dec 2023 21:37:

thanx
Of course i am not somach on this. and i try to stey away. but triggers come without invitation.
I am gene stress this again, even i am so reperative.
EVEN IF U START DOING IT AND IT DOSENT SEEM TO HELP AND EVEN WORSENS THE URGE. GIVE IT A CHANCE FOR AT LEAST FIVE MINUTES. IN THE END U WILL BE SHOCKED HOW MUCH IT WORKS. DONT NEED TO DO ANYTHING. JUST LISTEN TO THE RECORDING AND FOLLOW ALONG.

crispy wrote on 11 Dec 2023 16:13:

Good for you, I'm so happy that you found a tool that helps you.

In general אין סומכין על הנס but now that it's chanukah maybe we do.

Wishing you continued hatzlacha!
KOT!

Chevra, I beg you all who are facing the same struggles that I am, pls pls, please! Try out this urge surfing tool; it does miracles!
It doesn't even make sense how good this works, but as a matter of fact, I had some start of an awful experience last night, and when I began to listen to the urge surfing recording I felt like I was busting. But after 20 minutes of doing this, believe it or not, the miracle occurred; gone was every remanence of the urges.
And with that, ברוך ה' הודו להשם כי טוב succeeded in striking the number 45 !!!!!

Many great, practical ideas on this site. 
did you read the battle of the Generation? Read on this site about Urge Surfing?

Some ideas,  thank Hashem for the challenge. Pray that Hashem bless her/them with all their needs and success... 

Hashem Help Me wrote on 05 Dec 2023 12:25:

Thanks for those kind words!
so far the urge surfing works wonders for me. i pray to heshem that it sould keep helping.
I urge everybody to keep praying for me, I still need a lot of strength.

crispy wrote on 04 Dec 2023 19:51:

GYE has to publicize this post. New guys who join have to see that others who struggled mightily have learned real techniques that work. The guys with yi'ush have to know there is actually a way out. Meanwhile - continued hatzlocha b'ezras Hashem.

I know I am repeating myself, but I must express this again.
The urge surfing tool is so amazingly powerful! it's unbelievable.
Last night, after a few weeks of being free of urges, it hit me really bad; I was definite that I would not have the coach to hold back, but B"h I to the ten-minute urge surfing, and the urge passed by.
Thank you, Hashem, for the kindness of 36 clean days.
Together with all people who are celebrating יט כסלו  or  כא כסלו, I am celebrating my own חג הגאולה