Serious fall yesterday. Saw it coming I guess since I had a smaller fall the day before and it tends to be aveirah gorers aveirah.
Realized though it's been over a month since my last fall. Trying to take pride in that.
Hashem gave me a good smack upside the head though. I got home from work (late of course, since I was busy falling). My wife set up a special date night, with an activity. Details omitted but it involved a black light lol. I was so paranoid it would show the evidence of my crime. I fuffled and delayed so I could shower first. But it was pretty funny I guess.
Re-commiting to the following three things.
1. Practicing my urge surfing meditation thing daily.
2. Absolutely no personal stuff at work (except for checking my personal email, since that's very hard for me not to do).
3. Do 3 squats when I feel an urge.
90 days from today is (roughly) Purim. If I stay clean till then I'm buying myself the fanciest bourbon I can find for Purim. Let's do it.

50 days clean strike!!!!!
My secret (with hashems help and many tefilos) is this urge surfing tool. 
I have not yet found something that helps me avoid urges, although with time it's getting somewhat easier, but this urge surfing thing works wonders with me, it has saved me from falling so so many times.

Would the oilem be interested in having a thread discussing the effect of urge surfing and how it feels? 
I have much to share as I do this a few times a week.

true_self wrote on 11 Dec 2023 21:37:

thanx
Of course i am not somach on this. and i try to stey away. but triggers come without invitation.
I am gene stress this again, even i am so reperative.
EVEN IF U START DOING IT AND IT DOSENT SEEM TO HELP AND EVEN WORSENS THE URGE. GIVE IT A CHANCE FOR AT LEAST FIVE MINUTES. IN THE END U WILL BE SHOCKED HOW MUCH IT WORKS. DONT NEED TO DO ANYTHING. JUST LISTEN TO THE RECORDING AND FOLLOW ALONG.

crispy wrote on 11 Dec 2023 16:13:

Good for you, I'm so happy that you found a tool that helps you.

In general אין סומכין על הנס but now that it's chanukah maybe we do.

Wishing you continued hatzlacha!
KOT!

Chevra, I beg you all who are facing the same struggles that I am, pls pls, please! Try out this urge surfing tool; it does miracles!
It doesn't even make sense how good this works, but as a matter of fact, I had some start of an awful experience last night, and when I began to listen to the urge surfing recording I felt like I was busting. But after 20 minutes of doing this, believe it or not, the miracle occurred; gone was every remanence of the urges.
And with that, ברוך ה' הודו להשם כי טוב succeeded in striking the number 45 !!!!!

Many great, practical ideas on this site. 
did you read the battle of the Generation? Read on this site about Urge Surfing?

Some ideas,  thank Hashem for the challenge. Pray that Hashem bless her/them with all their needs and success... 

Hashem Help Me wrote on 05 Dec 2023 12:25:

Thanks for those kind words!
so far the urge surfing works wonders for me. i pray to heshem that it sould keep helping.
I urge everybody to keep praying for me, I still need a lot of strength.

crispy wrote on 04 Dec 2023 19:51:

GYE has to publicize this post. New guys who join have to see that others who struggled mightily have learned real techniques that work. The guys with yi'ush have to know there is actually a way out. Meanwhile - continued hatzlocha b'ezras Hashem.

I know I am repeating myself, but I must express this again.
The urge surfing tool is so amazingly powerful! it's unbelievable.
Last night, after a few weeks of being free of urges, it hit me really bad; I was definite that I would not have the coach to hold back, but B"h I to the ten-minute urge surfing, and the urge passed by.
Thank you, Hashem, for the kindness of 36 clean days.
Together with all people who are celebrating יט כסלו  or  כא כסלו, I am celebrating my own חג הגאולה

And now it's later so here's the longer post.
I've been trying very hard to set myself up in my new job with the mindset that my work computer is only for work. Been pretty good at that so far, but alas, that means no GYE at work. And at home, I'm trying to leave my computer on the shelf to minimize temptations. Which is also good, but means no GYE at home. (anyway it's hard for me to post bc I hide GYE from my wife more than I hid porn - there's no yetzer pushing me to peek while she's in the next room). So I've been lax about checking in.
To keep up that motivation from that check in I asked HHM to be my accountability partner and he graciously agreed. Hopefully that'll keep me honest.

One thing I've been thinking about. I went from a pretty good matziv, where I was going on a very solid streak, to the wide open business world. Honestly, I don't understand why women dress like they do in professional settings but it's very tough. And I traded the bnei yeshiva I used to have as coworkers for these people? Plus the unfiltered/less filtered computer (I do believe it's monitored at least that puts some fear into me). And it's big yeridah in a lot of ways. So if I was struggling before how am I going to succeed now? And I think about the last job I had where I would wait for everyone else to leave and "work late"....
So it's very stressful.
But I saw an amazing quote from the gra. The gemara says yitzro shel adam misgaber alav bchol yom... The gra says when does hashem help you? When if not for his help the yetzer would be misgaber. But if you're not doing everything you can and you just let the yetzer hara overcome you without fighting to the utmost Hashem won't help you.

Right now, it was the right thing to take this job and put myself into this situation (I think). And so I'll fight with my all. And it's true that's not enough. But I rely on hashem to carry me through if I do my part.
Right now, that means image blocker on the computer at work, minimize internet at home, and accountability partner. Plus continuing urge surfing techniques and davening. And even though it's not enough it's all I can do and I'm going to do it and not give.

Good night.

I hope to check in weekly now.

crispy wrote on 21 Nov 2023 03:43:

Be in touch with your service provider maybe they can block some numbers permanently.
Good luck.

true_self wrote on 20 Nov 2023 21:13:

I am unaware of any way to block a number from being called. And anyway I can always unblock them.
If anyone knows how I can do something of this nature, it would be a huge help. 

crispy wrote on 19 Nov 2023 20:41:

I don't know how these calls work, but is it possible to delete/block contacts?

I would try honing your skill at urge surfing. Its related and has really helped many of us.

crispy wrote on 19 Nov 2023 20:36:

I am not sure I know what you mean by that. I would love to have more of a clear plan.
as of now i try to keep myself away from the garbage, and when i face an urge i try to do urge surfing.Is there any idea what other geder i can make?Of course I am not approving of myself making those phone calls and I try to take on myself not to start. I was just talking about when it happened already.