I do not know where to post this sweet thing I read from Rav Avigdor Miller zt"l, but it applies so deeply to the recovery derech I was taught in 12 steps (SA) that I just had to post it somewhere:
Everything is in your hands; nothing is in your hands
We see that there are so many fronts on which a man has to constantly exert himself. He has to guard his health constantly. He has to constantly be on guard regarding his personal relations with people. He should be careful not to talk carelessly, to not become angry. He has to guard his finances.
Then, after doing all the things on his own behalf -- after trying his best to be healthy, to live peacefully with people, to have Parnassa (livelihood); after all these efforts -- he is expected to say to Hashem, "Everything comes from Your hand." [As we say in the Shemoneh Esrai three times a day,] "Baruch atah rofai cholai amo Yisrael, "You are the One Who keeps me well." [And right after that we say,] "You are the One Who gives me Parnassa."
That is the great test to which everyone is subjected. The loyal Jew has two different tracks, and he has to constantly think about both and maintain his equilibrium.
How do many people solve this problem? They do so by ignoring one or the other. They go about their business as if everything was in their own hands. They merely do lip service to the other principle. Or, in some rare cases, they trust in Hashem and do not do what is necessary for themselves. But the tzaddik is expected to do both things, and to do them perfectly and at the same time. One should not contradict the other or encroach on the province of the other...
Life is not simple at all. We are constantly between two forces. Our happiness is in our hands. All our relationships -- to our family, to society around us, to our employers, to our neighbors -- are in our hands. Our health is in our hands. At the same time, we have to understand that nothing is in our hands...
It is remarkable how much of our happiness depends on us. (Rav Avigdor Miller on Emunah and Bitachon)
Dedicated For The Refuah Shlemah Of Meir Leib ben Sarah
This is very close to how I live with the idea of powerlessness - yet taking responsibility for taking actions of recovery. Some mistakenly say that following the 12 steps means a risk that the
addict may absolve himself of personal responsibility. It - recovery for an
addict - is exactly like parnossah for all Jews. All in our hands and yet totally out of our hands.
Teshuvah does not need to be that way, as it can be
all in our hands - but Teshuvah is not the way
addicts get and live clean.
Addicts who actually
use the ideas in 12 steps
do depend on G-d completely...but the steps are full of action! Just like Parnossah al pi din Torah. For
addicts, recovery is completely in the realm of parnossah and health. It is about our survival in
Olam hazeh - not about our Olam haboh. And we play the game that Rav Miller describes to the tee, one day at a time.
That is a
very important distinction, I think. Thanks for helping me see that and write it here.
