|
26 Apr 2017 03:15
|
|
Shlomo24
|
MayanHamisgaber wrote on 25 Apr 2017 18:46:
Can someone define clearly what it means to be in the drivers seat?
This may help with your question:
My relationship with God is a two-way relationship. A common AA phrase is "Without Him I can't, without me He won't." Sitting on my butt all day and expecting my life to change is a fantasy. Yet, I have learned that I know only a little and many things are out of my control. In the middle of that is my relationship. I believe that I'm in charge of the efforts and God is in charge of my results. Not getting into a religious discussion here, I believe that every day I have choices to make. I can choose healthy ones or not healthy ones. I can choose things that will lead me closer to God and recovery and I can choose things that will lead me further astray. It's up to me. But ultimately, this world runs on God's will (not Dunkin') and He is the provider of all sustenance. I cannot change His will. But I need to be connected to Him in order to receive his gifts. I like to think of it as electricity. A power cable is nothing but potential. That potential cannot be activated unless it is plugged into the source. I'm the cable and God is the source. So long as I'm not plugged in I can't receive his power. (There are limitations to this mashal but it makes a good point).
So I actually believe that I'm in the drivers seat. I'm the one responsible for making the decisions. But God is the one who gives me what I need. In addiction, I never got what I wanted. In recovery, I am gifted constantly. That's just my experience. Is it merely a change of attitude? Possibly. But I am seeing miracles occurring now that did not occur when I was acting out. The most basic and profound miracle of all is that I'm sober. That's definitely from Him. No idea how the hell I'm sober. It's straight-up insane.
In terms of "Let Go and Let God," that is a necessity for an addict because addiction is a disease of self-will. My problem is not lust or alcohol. It's self-will. So I need my life to be completely devoted to my HP because without that I am going to be back in my disease. I can't speak for non- addicts. Don't really understand them. Especially Mark.
|
|
26 Apr 2017 03:02
|
|
Shivisi_Hashem
|
Thanks for your offer, I'm B"H doing great, I didn't have a fall even I had an extremely urge, but you saved my life, 2 things saved it, 1) going out on the street/pourch 2) writing 50 times "im a sex addict" 
Thanks for you, and Thanks Hashem.
TODAY is almost over, I still need help and support tonight since my wife is still on vacation, (she is back tomorrow) will update tomorrow on my progress.
In case of emergency ill write 100 times 
|
|
26 Apr 2017 02:46
|
|
Ihavenostrength
|
Two things.
Thing one: I had to go to same apartment tonight. I parked in same area (only open spaces). I did not look towards the apartment with the girl at all (see previous post). I acted like a sane person. So yay me.
Thing two: I cannot and will not attempt to challenge any thoughts I have. I'm way to smart for myself. So any time I have nasty thoughts (self-loathing, despair, lust, etc.) I just say to myself "it's just a thought". Then I move on. I don't take my thoughts so seriously.
Forgetting that thinking is an ability and not reality is my first step towards insanity.
"You'll never move on from this addiction".
"It's just a thought".
"You'll never be happy."
"It's just a thought".
"You'll never be able to accomplish anything."
"It's just a thought."
"You'll never be able to enjoy anything besides lust"
"It's just a thought".
Not false, or true, but just a thought.
Oh ya, and I'm freaking tired.  Warning: Spoiler!
|
|
25 Apr 2017 23:51
|
|
Shivisi_Hashem
|
im a sex addict im a sex addict im a sex addict im a sex addictim a sex addict im a sex addictim a sex addict im a sex addictim a sex addict im a sex addictim a sex addict im a sex addictim a sex addict im a sex addictim a sex addict im a sex addictim a sex addict im a sex addictim a sex addict im a sex addictim a sex addict im a sex addictim a sex addict im a sex addictim a sex addict im a sex addictim a sex addict im a sex addictim a sex addict im a sex addictim a sex addict im a sex addictim a sex addict im a sex addictim a sex addict im a sex addictim a sex addict im a sex addictim a sex addict im a sex addictim a sex addict im a sex addictim a sex addict im a sex addictim a sex addict im a sex addictim a sex addict im a sex addict im a sex addict im a sex addict
|
|
25 Apr 2017 23:43
|
|
Markz
|
Shivisi_Hashem wrote on 25 Apr 2017 23:32:
i need to get packaging supply, i cant get out, its raining, cant leave them alone, they are to young.
this addiction goes already on my nerves,
If you prefer, I can have my USPS assistant come and pick them up. No packaging supply necessary
What happened with your 9am farher on "Free Truck Towing"?
You missed it!
As punishment I want you to write 50 times
Im a sex addict
Im a sex addict
Im a sex addict
Im a sex addict
Im a sex addict
Im a sex addict
Im a sex addict
Im a sex addict
Im a sex addict
Im a sex addict
Im a sex addict
Im a sex addict
Im a sex addict
Im a sex addict
Im a sex addict
Im a sex addict
Im a sex addict
Im a sex addict
Im a sex addict
Im a sex addict
Im a sex addict
Im a sex addict
Im a sex addict
Im a sex addict
Im a sex addict
Im a sex addict
Im a sex addict
Im a sex addict
Im a sex addict
Im a sex addict
Im a sex addict
Im a sex addict
Im a sex addict
Im a sex addict
Im a sex addict
Im a sex addict
Im a sex addict
Im a sex addict
Im a sex addict
Im a sex addict
Im a sex addict
Im a sex addict
Im a sex addict
Im a sex addict
Im a sex addict
Im a sex addict
Im a sex addict
Im a sex addict
Im a sex addict
Im a sex addict
If you're not a sex addict, I'll tell you what to do...
Actually if you're a sex addict, I have a lighter sentence for you if you want to try (no, not Siberia Warning: Spoiler! this time
|
|
25 Apr 2017 23:32
|
|
Shivisi_Hashem
|
i need to get packaging supply, i cant get out, its raining, cant leave them alone, they are to young.
this addiction goes already on my nerves,
|
|
25 Apr 2017 23:19
|
|
lionking
|
I really don't know if I can post once a day but I'll try. Here is a little more about me. I really haven't figured out yet if I'm addicted or not, and for the truth of rhe matter I really don't think it matters to know. My goal is to start living and getting out of the negative rut which I sometimes find myself. I tried to really get to know myself. I suffer from a low self-esteem/inflated ego. (I know it sounds like a paradox, but I honestly think they are co-related.) I tend to have sometimes mild depressive states when I feel like I'm a piece of bad word deleted. My acting out triggers are stress, feeling down, tired, system imbalance, etc...
When I'm all fine I can go long periods of time without a struggle. My current goal is to start living and appreciating life every moment as it comes. To realize that everything is from Hashem both good and bad and to accept his will.
|
|
25 Apr 2017 21:09
|
|
stillgoing
|
bardichev wrote on 12 Nov 2009 04:58:
PART 24
Heshy is awash in thought. Ok Chani You wanna play games. No one starts with Snookerman!! HahAhaha!
I can already see Chesky Weinfelds rotten face.Sitting in central booking.HaHaHa
No one starts with me! One phone call that's all it takes.What a loser Chesky Weinfeld he set himself up like a duck in a pond.I know the kid is missing, I know he is there with him... Kidnapper Rabbi!! Ah I can see the cover of the Post already.. Oh I'm sure Chani will look good in the pictures too.
Great, I will put Chesky away.I will blame this whole addiction on him.I will tell Chani I really love her...it was this Chesky I was so jealous of..and its not even her fault..'Cause you see how "dangerous" he is. And I will be the hero,Yanki will adore me for the first time.. Ahh this is BRILLIANT!!! you can bet my new life is just beggining...
Of course I will make Chani "BEYTT MECHILLA" Chesky Weinfeld is a loser he won't be able to count on Chani to put up a bail bond.loser oyy will he sit
HaHaHa.and I will be the Shayner Yeed,my wife will get everyones sympathy...Nebich she was chased by her sons Rebbe.Ahhh! Her Husband saved the day.HaHaHa!!!
*BOOM!KNOCK!BOOM!*
OPEN UP , POLICE!!!
Yes officers. Come in.
Are you Harry??No need to answer.Come with us!
Yes! I will pick him out in a line up.He kidnapped my son.
Shut up!Harry!You Have MIRANDA RIGHTS.
You have the right to a lawyer
.You have the right to remain silent,which we highly suggest!
Ok I will tell you everything about my sons kidnapper.
Shutup! Fool! What ever you say will be used against you!
Why are you hand cuffing me?
Why are you "stealing" my computer? My cellphone?
Shut up!
Harry do you know how to read or only understand pictures?
read this.
ARREST WARRANT!
Harry enjoy the ride.I'm sure you always wanted to ride in the Police car!
Can I make a phone call?
Yes after you are booked!
Now shut up and enjoy your tax dollars at work.
I am not the kidnapper
You will speak to the judge
Hey.don't hit me hey! This is brutality!ouch! I am gonna make A stink about this! Ouch you have no right to hit me! Oooh ouch! Hey I know the seargent you will lose your badge.ouch!!! Ouch!! I have a PBA card!! Stop hitting me!
Harry shut up!we have been looking for "snookerface" for a while.Thanks for making it easy.
|
|
25 Apr 2017 20:35
|
|
stillgoing
|
bardichev wrote on 04 Nov 2009 22:32:
PART 20
phone calls
phone calls
why is she bothering me
LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!LET ME VENT!!!LET ME BE ALONE WITH MY COMPUTER I NEED TO EASE MY PAIN!!
another phone call
now she is calling the office
LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!LEAVE ME ALONE!!!! I AM UPSET I NEED TO ESCAPE IN MY COMPUTER WHEN I AM UNDER STRESS I NEED THIS OUTLET I JUST NEED IT NOW I NEED IT!! IT'S NOT GOOD IT'S NOT BAD
NOW I AM IN ACAPE MODE..I NEED HER TO STOP BOTHERING ME NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OOOOOOOOOOHHHHH SHE IS GETTING SMART NOW SHE E-MAILING ME
HA HA HA SHE IS SSSSSSOOOOOOOOO DESPERATE I LOVE IT!!!GOOD CHANI SWEAT IT OUT A LITTLE
DEAR HESHY
ITS AN EMERGENCY PLEASE CALL ME!! HESHY I SWEAR IT'S AN EMERGENCY!! HESHY DO NOT IGNORE ME!!
HESHY COME HOME NOW!!
HA HA HA HA HA !!!
SHE IS SO SILLY GET ME HOME WITH 10TH GRADE TACTICS
HA HA HA !!!!
HEY ONE SECOND !! THE JOKE IS ON ME !! HEY SHE IS ON MY COMPUTER !!! HEY HOW DID SHE GET THE PASSWORD!!
HELP!!! I A DIEING!! HELP!! I WAS CAUGHT!!! SHE BUSTED ME!!!! HEYYYYY!!! HOW DID SHE GET THAT PASSWORD!!!
IT MUST OF BEEN THAT LITTLE SNEAK YANKI!! HE MUST OF OPENED MY COMPUTER!!! THEY ARE BOTH DEAD!DEAD! DEAD!!
OH MY GOSH!! THEY KNOW WHO I REALLY AM!!! I AM GONE!!!! A CAN KILL MYSELF!!!!!
UCHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
ring ring!! my cell phone again? no! hey it is some one elses ringer! oh it's chanie's phone.I forgot I had stolen it from her Prada Pocket book...
HEY THE 'SICKO' IS CALLING HER AGAIN.. CHESKY WEINFELD .. OK I MAY BE ADDICTED TO COMPUTERS AND BIG DEAL I AM A REGULAR WORKING PERSON HE IS A "REBBI" AND HE IS CHASING MY WIFE!! AND LOOK HE WAS CAUGHT RED-HANDED AND..HE CAN'T CONTROL HIMSELF.. HEY THIS GUY MAKES ME LOOK GOOD
HE WILL GET IT NOW LET'S ROLL HARRY!!!HA HA HAA
|
|
25 Apr 2017 20:28
|
|
stillgoing
|
bardichev wrote on 03 Nov 2009 06:12:
PART 19
Heshy..Heshy..Heshy
The man of so much promise..the delight of his parents..the public speaker..the helpful friend..talented..opinionated..success story..
Oy what the future could have held
Life was so calm...
Until...he lost some money... And made it back rather quickly...oy where those meant to be happy days..
But..everything changed for me..I was no longer "only"his wife he would explain.. I was the image of his success..we needed to project the "correct" image..
Out with the old in with the new..he would ask "don't you love all your new stuff"? I would giggle and say "what was wrong with the way I was when we got engaged married learned in kollel"??
He would say Chani I'm not a little boy any more..ride along with me and you will enjoy life..
But..our kids?? The mixed messages??they he would retort. Will be better off with happy parents ..
Everything he did was always right.Every Rov and authority was always wrong..
Then came the late nights the leaving his family high and dry..oh the apology gifts..the clothes..the perfumes..the fling trips..The phoney hellos and cynical goodbyes..
What was gained ?? a wife who shares a name with a Mattel product.a son he didn't raise or know.
Oh what was I to do?
Leave?he would fight for his kids..not that he wanted them..but Heshy Freidstien ...
So I played the part and I raised my son my life my tzaddik to be as normal as possible..endured the shame of being the. "Shiksa" of my family..the hurt the humiliation...
What do I get in return..Heshy is addicted to p*#n great me chani now has new compotition..uh uh games over ...
MOMMY MOMMY!!!
Whaa whaa???
Where am I???
Esti(my 6 year old)
Why you out of bed??
MOMMY WHY ARE YOU ON THE FLOOR?? ARE YOU FEELING SICK??
Esti mameleh go shluffy mommys never get sick!
Chani friedstien if you collapse now you will lose it all
Hey I am talking to myself..ok.. Let's find yanki..let's help heshy..let's live happily ever after..sweet dreams.
First things first
Tell Heshy Yanki is gone..
Let's Roll light cameras ACTION!!!
|
|
25 Apr 2017 18:28
|
|
Markz
|
GrowStrong wrote on 25 Apr 2017 17:02:
MayanHamisgaber wrote on 25 Apr 2017 16:58:
GS
This one of the major differences between addicts and non addicts and is indeed not simple
I accept this.
I also think non- addicts could gain a lot from letting God drive.
The question is what should addicted non- addicts do 
I don't think that's a question
Not being an addict this reincarnation, I may be talking from inexperience
All of us can only survive with Gd in the driver seat
An addict has a more difficult time allowing Gd in
|
|
25 Apr 2017 17:02
|
|
GrowStrong
|
MayanHamisgaber wrote on 25 Apr 2017 16:58:
GS
This one of the major differences between addicts and non addicts and is indeed not simple
I accept this.
I also think non- addicts could gain a lot from letting God drive.
The question is what should addicted non- addicts do
|
|
25 Apr 2017 16:58
|
|
MayanHamisgaber
|
GS
This one of the major differences between addicts and non addicts and is indeed not simple
Markz
I try not to get on the road/drivers seat when things are slippery and dangerous but obviously I am not perfect
|
|
25 Apr 2017 14:42
|
|
TzedekChaim
|
Baruch Hashem things are going well. ( DAY 231) Been up and down, but that's how sailing/trucking is. I spoke to my rebbe in israel about this and he was very helpful. He had to go so we'll finish up today IMY'H.
I think that some things that I need to focus on:
- having some trust in myself and not second guessing everything I think and everything other people say. (ie. my kallah says, "that wasn't such a funny joke" and then I say in my mind, "she doesn't like my sense of humor. She doesn't think I am funny, etc..." I am pretty funny, I think she likes my humor (at least some of it
 ) but the point is that because of self-doubt I jump to an extreme conclusion that she must not like me so much.) - Self acceptance: appreciating what I am. Focusing on all of the good that I am and not writing myself off as faulty. I may have faulty thinking (in some areas: read addiction) but that doesn't make me faulty. I think that it is illustrated well in my relationship with my kallah. (without going into details.) I knock myself with negative self judgement (related to point 1) and think (sometimes) that I am not worth it. This is really an insult to her and to me. She accepts me and sees how much I have done and how much potential I have as a person and as a contributor to our future relationship and it is not fair to her to constantly doubt and gnaw away at that (both in my head and in doubting comments). She deserves someone who can live up to his potential and not let the past or future bog them down (I deserve it too ). With Hashem's help I will be zoche to appreciate the me that I am and not the negative imperfections I may have. (the most valuable diamonds have imperfections too, but that doesn't take away at all from their specialness)
- Gratitude to Hashem and others for all they have done, do, and continue to do for me. (and myself for caring about myself)
So for the next few weeks (maybe even till the wedding we shall see how it goes) I think it is important for me to cfocus on these things. I'm looking forward to putting this baggage aside and not letting it hold me back any longer. Please Hashem help me know what to do and have the strength to carry it out.
I'll attempt to measure myself on these three points with clear good examples and concrete things that I am doing to grow in these areas.
So today is number 1 for this, and we'll take it from there ODAAT style!
Hatzlacha!!!
|
|