AI letter I wrote to rabbi taub at ami magazine over a year ago:

Good morning Rabbi Taub,

What I have found, in myself, and by others, is that the urges that come about at a later time are not simply the plot of the yetzer, but rather, this is the addiction itself. I am not smart enough to know how the yetzer hara mixes into our addiction, but I do know that the methods of combating the yetzer hara are not the ones that work for us. 

There was a lot of positive feedback on the highway signs; the oilam wanted more.

Here is the initial post, and below are the additions.

I would like to encourage you to KOT (keep on truckin'); I'm just not sure which highway you're on.
There are many roads here; most of them lead to the same direction.



is the Godly way. Hashem is here; Hashem is there; He will protect me from any second stare.



Then there is the "12 - steppers" and those who like parables dealin' with steak and sushi. Are you an addict? This might be for you? But then again; do you like raw fish; well-done ribs? Perhaps not then.



There are those who say the JDI approach (Just Do It); Get to 90 days and you'll be ok.



This is my personal favorite. Which direction you wanna go?

So bottom line; let us know more and each one of us will tell you what worked for us and what didn't.

First things first though....Get on da damn truck!

b'hatzlachah

additions:

No 'falls,' 'slips,' or 'accidents' on da road!


This one doesn't need a caption; we just need the rig up in front.


Who relates to this?


ya' think anyone is so haughty about his opinions? not on this site!


Scare tactic!


Bottom line; get on da freakin' road!

From the rebbe reb b:

Hello zemiros

Im sure you have been scratching your head wondering ehere in the world I am

Well maybe I shud be a little humble and think that maybe im not missed

Well I do owe a bit of explaining

HERE GOES

Bederech she-adam rotzeh laylech bo molichin oso

I have for years struggle with the poison the death pill known as internet addiction

The follies and fables of my rises and falls are well documented in bardichevs battle and in many other threads of the forum

Enough cannot be said of the wonderful forum the goodness it provides the help the comeraderie

It was my rescue parachute from living a life I couldn’t stand

A life for self torment

I found many like minded fine wonderful people there

I made great strides

I was somewhat of a fake folk hero

I changed my habits

BUT!!

I didn’t change

About a year ago after 2 and a half years on the forum

After speaking to and meeting so many of the chaveirim here

After posting over 5000 posts ( not counting the ones that were removed HEH HEH..)

After giving and receiving so much chizzuk

After joining the Yiddish forum

After becoming a moderator

Through a sequence of events

Through a sequence of gut-wrenching events

Through a sequence of gut-wrenching miraculous events

I was at a cross road where I was going to head with continuing on the forum or not

I will keep a good portion of this story to myself

It was best decided that I leave the forum

Zemmy,I am now in a place called Realville,KY

Yeah it’s a stones throw from bardstown

Actually im not in kenticky at all

The only thing I have from Kentucky is some good shnapps

In what I call realville

Is plain life

I deal with problems and with successes as they come

Im not a victim

Im no ones fault

Im not the result or the reaction of anyones deeds or misdeeds

Im not a subject

Im a person

I make decisions

Good and bad

I eat my words sometimes

I make people smile

I cry

I laugh

I dance

I drink woodford

No one is responsible for anyone of my weaknesses vices or seemingly addictive behaviors

I have become a better person

A better husband

A better father

A better son

A better Jew

No longer do I feel the urge to tell the world how I feel

Or what to feel

Or explain the addictive nature of the addictviling addictive addiction

Or the addiction to the addiction

Or the addiction to that

Im out

Im in the the school of hard knocks

Im a scrappy little foot soldier

That rolls with the punches and picks up from where he left off

I try to live each and every day to be meaningful and real

I had 3 major things happen to me in the past half year

One was citi field

Two was losing weight

Three was taking up daf yomi

Citi field was really a huge chizzuk

I haven’t been on the forum since December

Knowing our chevra im sure it was looked at with a bit disdain

But to me it was a huge chizzuk

Losing weight was a result of a exercise and diet regimen

I learned in realville that we are in control of everything we do

No we are not guaranteed results

But the chances of losing weight is a lot greater when you do 1 hour exercise every day

Much greater than eating parve cheese curls and doctor pepper

The daf was a natural extension of the exercise

I said

Hey u can do the exercise

You can do the daf

I was sitting in the metlife stadium during the siyum hashas

A buddy texted me

Hey di u wanna start the daf tomorrow

I said

Yup

And BH

We have been at it 52 days since kayn yirbu

Ok where do we go from here?

Lessons learned

Addicts need addicts

We need one another just to see that we are not crazy

We can not stay at the healing addict level forever (dov my brither I don’t mean you)

We gotta face the world

We gotta face the daemons

It will be hard

But come clean to your spouse

She will be more supportive than u can imagine

Live life

Live life

Just keep plugging at it

There are no downfalls

There are no set becks

There are just opportunities to rise to a new level

Live life in realville

Don’t be prisoner to any so called addiction

Real or imagined

And don’t be chained to recovery either

It is erev yom kipper

There is no greater time than now

Take all the lessenons that we learnrd on the forum

And APPLY THEM!!!!

As dov taught us

The program works for those who work the program

U are not the prisoner of amyones jail

Only the shackles of our own imagined ones

Break free and rise like an eagle

Soer to greater heights that you have not even imagined

May you and all the chevra be gebentched witgh a gut gebentcheter yur

Only Simcha bracha and nachas

And if things are seemingly not going the way u imagined

Nu nu

Keep on trucking!!

Ony Simcha!!

You are no ones fault!!!

Gmar chssima tovah

mvemjsunpc wrote on 04 May 2017 20:54:

Hi mvemjsunpc,
I'm sorry you haven't found a partner yet.
I also tried the partner program when I first joined GYE and I can only share my experience that trying to "create" a partner-style relationship never worked for me. What worked for me was interacting with people on the forum that I felt were similar to me and developing relationships over time.
Maybe in live SA meetings it's easier to have a sponsor assigned in a quicker fashion but I would have no idea about that.
I see you opened a thread. Maybe share some more about yourself, and gather from the responses who seems to be in tune with you.
Hatzlacha.

ok here is some straight forward chizzuk

look in the mirror

talk to yourself

(make sure no one is around or they will send u to bellvue)

scream loWDLY!!!!

I AM NO ONE'S FAULT!!!

again

I AM nones fault

life is meant to be lived  in the present

not in the past

i will deal with my issues nisyonos hangups addictions habits middos ghosts dibbukim (pick your flavor)

as they come

in real time

i am no ones fault

i will not blame ny lackof shmiras eye-naim

not on the neighbor,the cleaning lady ,tthe shvigger,the rebbetzin,the queen,the stewardess,

i will not blame the internet the iphone the blackbery the wii the psp the the ipad pad ped pid pud

i actually don't even need to blame


did anyone ever tell a orthopedist

that the sidewalk was too hard??!!

did anyone tell a heart doctor ??!! the cholint was too fatty??

maybe they did

does it help if it someones fault ??no!!!

so why are we sitting around crying

keep on trucking

how do I get to meet all these people? Im on GYE and Ive reached out for help. Im on for a month. I dont quite understand the forums- but I do have an internet addiction and have been 30 days free from going on the internet for porn. I have not been so fortunate with avoiding masturbation. In that area, I keep falling in the last month, especially on shabbos and holidays when I am alone. I cant reach out to people on line on religious holidays. Any suggestions- I live alone-

Zemmy I am driving down the main road of bards town from west to east I will give u a blast


Herr ois.


I need to talk very openly to many of our veterans here

Zemms u are a veteran with 1000 posts so you gotta listen


Our job here is not to be shmuts free

Our job is not to reinvent ourselves

Our job is not EVEN to change


!BARDS VUSS ZUGST DU!!!

STAM KEFFIRRA??!!


Slow boys slow

Herr ois


I myself and many veterans here have contacted me on my help line

They are crying

Waaaaaaa

I went 90 180. 360 2 years etc etc

And I still urge

I still need the fix

I still get triggerred

Pssssst shhhh I still slip and falll

Waaaaaaaaaa!!!


Herrr ois

This is very very important

What we do here is very interesting

We activate dormant energy that was put to sleep by our addiction


Keep on reading boys

Its important

Again ill be masbir

The addiction is fun it gives pleasure. It provides an escape hatch from the real issues in life

But but ... (Bards is back in form)

It kills everything in our human nature

It kills the energy we need to be able to work on breaking the pattern

So the addiction is really set up good

He comes in drives u to the amusement park locks u in. And robs your car. So u are stuck

And he tells u don't even try to leave

It will be worse if you leave

You NEED to be here


Ok

Now what we are accomplishing here is

Is

Azoi

We say there is no amusement park

There are no gates

We are not trapped

We shine light on the addiction

And it begins to fade


What we accoplish here is NOT a cure

It is NOT magic

And we will never ever be lust free


Nevevvvvvvvver

But we got the "gevver" the "ammunition" within our minds to say. I'm only a prisnor of my own imagination


Bards

KOT

 

Last ten days of what?
your life?!?!?!?!?!?

That is precisely the point.
If you wanna hide from it - that is fine.
But those of us who are addicted (I am; don't know about you) need to accept the fact that this struggle/fight/challenge/issue will always be with us. Always! We need to obtain the tools, the ammunition, the weaponry, the understandin' of the battle in order for us to remain in sobriety/recovery for this moment.

In my thread, I was very concerned about this for a while. How could it be? 765 days, and then whammo! And even more so I realized that when that whamo hits, you might not even remember the 765 and one can fall lower than before. This was explained to me. I now know not to think of this at all, for it is none of my damn business. My business is the present, not the past and not the future.

And one last thought. There are many people here who speak about the yetzer hara and his ways of enticin' us to do stuff, and I will not get into my opinions on that right now, but one thing I could tell you (again, just imho), when one starts thinkin' about the past and the future and how can one fall after so many days, and what am i gonna do about it, and is it all worth it, and can I handle it.....all that is certainly the atsas hayetzer and one should run da hell away from those stuff.

b'hatzlachah

That is precisely the point.
If you wanna hide from it - that is fine.
But those of us who are addicted (I am; don't know about you) need to accept the fact that this struggle/fight/challenge/issue will always be with us. Always! We need to obtain the tools, the ammunition, the weaponry, the understandin' of the battle in order for us to remain in sobriety/recovery for this moment.

In my thread, I was very concerned about this for a while. How could it be? 765 days, and then whammo! And even more so I realized that when that whamo hits, you might not even remember the 765 and one can fall lower than before. This was explained to me. I now know not to think of this at all, for it is none of my damn business. My business is the present, not the past and not the future.

And one last thought. There are many people here who speak about the yetzer hara and his ways of enticin' us to do stuff, and I will not get into my opinions on that right now, but one thing I could tell you (again, just imho), when one starts thinkin' about the past and the future and how can one fall after so many days, and what am i gonna do about it, and is it all worth it, and can I handle it.....all that is certainly the atsas hayetzer and one should run da hell away from those stuff.

b'hatzlachah