MarkZ asked me to say how I stay sober. For me it's very simple. I put my sobriety before everything else in my life, because I don't have anything without it.  I don't have a God in my life to even make an oath to when I'm acting out. My God is a loving, caring, tolerant, patient and accepting god. He is a Father to me when I need direction and when I'm sick and suffering he is right there with me cradling me in His arms like my mother held me as  a baby. When I'm acting out in my sickness and my insanity he is right there with me, I just don't realize it. You don't have to believe a guy like me for any of this just take a look in kuntres umayain that teaches that no person will sin unless a ruach shtus enters his mind and that's talking about a regular person! How much more so for a sick person like me! If a person felt that Hashem is right there with him and all he has to do is fall in his arms and surrender why would he turn to porn for comfort. If you're thinking because the porn is offering actual physical comfort right now and not theoretical vision of bliss then you are proving my point. 

​Not everyone's mind works the same and the mind of an addict is sick. We turn to the very source of our problems and discomfort for comfort. But where does all this stem from? It stems from our character defects and fear. For me it stems greatly from my ego and fear. So if you give me a religion that feeds ego gratification for success and employs fear to prevent transgression, then that religion is feeding right into my addict mind and I will turn elsewhere for comfort. If your can't relate to this then you should probably never listen to another  word I say. 

​I was talking to my sister the other day and I told her that I don't to shul to find God. I go to shul because I found God. I found God in the struggles of human beings and in human fragility. I found God when I was brought to a place of surrender and the realization that I'm powerless over life. A religion that teaches me that I have power is too much for an addict like me to handle. I've had more blessings and seen more good in my life by just surrendering and doing nothing than I have ever seen when I run on self will and control. An oath, my friends, for me is all about my power. It's the exact opposite of what I need as an addict. To me an oath implies that I have the power over lust and that God is distant from me.  If I make an oath to a distant God who will reward me for keeping it and  punish me for breaking it that is just feeding into my ego and fear. 

Now you may say, but isn't that what Toras emes teaches, so how can it not work for you. I would say back that first off all there are many drachim to Torah and secondly I'm a sick person and I need medical help and recovery. And if I have diabetes I don't look to Torah for the treatment. It just so happens that Torah offers me a lot of help in my disease but i need a guide to what is healthy for me and what isn't and that guide is the 12 steps and my sponsor. 

So Mark, the answer is that I put sobriety first (or I try to). It is the most important thing to me and without it I have nothing and with it I have everything that God wants to have. And without sobriety no one has me.

being that you need you tube open, i agree that accountability software would be the best way to go. but thats just step one. once you have this in place its time to work on the main problem. the addiction. lust is a genius and can hack through anything and find many ways other than computers to get what he wants. if he is in you you are always at risk. here at gye we learn how to control him in a way that he does what WE want. good luck on your journey!

Lovely Jew wrote on 20 Jul 2017 10:25:

Maybe we should ask GYE to tone down the suggestion
Heres another case in point, and not the first, where people swear aliegance to Chinese food because it's promoted as such a cure it all, when I'm waiting for any real stats from gye how powerful is Tapsic as a stand alone tool

I believe it does help some but my guess is that it's a very small percent 

Taphsic is built on the premise of "When under a lust attack swear it off". IMHO For most of us even non addicts, that's not the greatest break-free tool...

I use a Mac and an iPhone on weekdays. My iPhone has restrictions in place and app downloads and Safari disabled. It has YouTube though, and I have been able to find nudity and sorta explicit stuff on YT when really desperate.

My Mac has access to both YT and Google search (though with SafeSearch enforced, which is not difficult to manipulate by an addict like me)

True that... Filtering is a near impossibility... I am considering using accountability software apart from filters.

Being a musician and wannabe movie composer, YouTube has become a sort of necessity for me to check out tutorials and musical and media trends and also to de-stress by watching sport videos, funny clips, and general knowledge stuff but I suppose I need to think about using other avenues. 

He means Tinti has nudity blocked on his weekday computer.

Thank you! 

I am a pianist, and I spend most of the week practicing or learning music theory. The thing is, I am not earning, so I felt it was best to use free filters... I use a combination of K9 and Cold Turkey on my mom's computer. She doesn't know Cold Turkey is installed, and she thinks K9 is an antivirus

I guess I should read paperback books more... Youtube and Google search are risk zones for me...

If you're not an addict, then filters could work.

I can't keep the world filtered. There's too much now. Sure, 1 family PC with dial-up internet, that was easy. Now something will always fall through.

hashiveinu:
No nudity on youtube? Are you sure you're using youtube?

baruchstrong wrote on 19 Jul 2017 20:57:

It won't work for you. You must work it.

Welcome, brother.

I can relate to the overeating, but I don't think I'm addicted..

What hasnt worked for you? The Big Book? In my experience, there is no magic potion and having the big book with me, even reading it isnt going to help me. I, as an addict, need a sponsor to take me through the big book and work the steps with me and have meetings to supplement 

I am an addict, i am powerless over lust. I am allergic. I cant control it. I have tried but it makes my life unmanageable. I escape and escape. I need recovery and thats where the 12 steps come in for me. It sounds like you feel you arent an addict and thats fine. So therefore what i have been talking to you about wouldnt apply. You have a problem with porn and therefore a filter and some mussar should suffice (i think, haha i am not an addict) For me, i tried many different ways to stop, but i could not. I needed more. I needed a whole shift in thinking, a whole attitude change. I am a sick person getting well. Not a healthy person with a porn problem.

Ihavestrength wrote on 19 Jul 2017 23:45:

I had that same experience of trying to game the filter and it drove me crazy. Every time I got a new filter it drove me crazy. Totally understandable 

bear wrote on 20 Jul 2017 01:12:

Look, [do not guardyoureyes from this] I think it's important to build fences, but for a guy like me [self diagnosed non addict], the same way I [capital eye] restricted this and that, i can just as easily tear them down

A fence is a fence is a fence, and all devices should have. 
If it works for you, great!

Workingguy wrote on 19 Jul 2017 23:09:

Android. I don't think restrictions are my solution. In fact, only when I totally restricted my phone did I develop an urge to test my "hacking abilities". I think me going for total restriction was a vain hope that my problem is that simple. 

P.S I have covenant eyes with a filter. So I'm not leaving myself total freedom. Unfortunately, due to trying to block everything, I found out how to get past it, ironically. I wanted to see if I was "safe", as crazy as that sounds. I guess I've become very scared of this addiction. Sorta learned helplessness.