Today is my first day on this journey. As a matter of fact, signed up just a few moments ago. Struggled with addiction to shmutz for over ten years and lately taivah has just been increasing and scared I'm going to graduate to "live" fixes as opposed to just images. I have tried everything - filters, therapy, etc. I want to know from real people who have struggled with exactly what I struggled with and how they addressed this. Please help!

now i understand where negative karma comes from...

                  even i have an urge to click on the minus button! I can understand why "trouble" did it to me, he must have suspected that i was another Anonymous poster in disguise.

Question for פלוני אלמונ are you capable of recalling all this (or any of this), when a  "wave" of נסיונות hits you?           Are you aware that the torah DOES indeed talk about addictions? see אמונות ודעות לרב סעדיא גאון מאמר עשירי from beginning to end. And take notice that the modern day hebrew translation for addiction מכור (sold), is even coined there "מכר את עצמו".             In fact, if anyone want to read the first recorded "first step", he writes one out so well, that if you cite it in a SA group, they will think it was written by a member of SA Iran. (the sefer was written in arabic and translated to hebrew.    No, it was not HIS first step, he was detailing other people's suffering).       And if you want more sources, see הושע פרק ז and also sefer chasidim has a nice perek on addictions, from the same sources as R sadya gaon.         No, chizuk is not "everthing". and Addictions DO exist in biblical sources and the rishonim.          

I am trained in Guided Imagery, a system similar to hypnosis. It will DEFENITELY help you stop acting out with lust.... But it will DEFINITELY NOT solve your problem.           I am under the impression that hypnosis will have a similar benefit, it will help you EASILY stay clean (which is great), but it won't....
Keep you out of [other] trouble when you are board
Help you accept all of life's challenges
Solve all financial worried
Can anyone copy-paste the "promises" of the 12 step program over here.?  

Addictions are merely where people will alot of emotional "baggage", blow their steam.     For us, lust also serve as an emotional outlet. Hypnosis won't give you an ALTERNATIVE to acting out. I have found a real benefit in using BOTH (hypnosis/therapy+program)!!

The same goes for the "torah approach". In addition to keeping us away from "shmutz" and "shpritzing", it needs to serve as a full fledged alternative to all the side benefits of the program. Maybe it doensn't need to have every last מעלה of a high-quality of 'recovery', but without MOST of those benefits It "won't be pleasant" not acting out.      


When lust can be defined as a fleeting pleasure that makes me forget all my sorrows, responsibilities, worries, debts, pains, suffering. An age-old pastime, always in 'hands reach', available on both sidewalks of every street (except in NewSquare). The 'drug of choice' when I am bored, hungry angry lonely tired or depressed.
Any alternative "system" or תורה needs to enable us to....  Stop white knuckling the natural urge, breaking a life-long habit, facing all our fears, living up to my responsibilities, resolving my worries, paying my debts and bills on time, calmly relaxing in my free time, closing my eyes everywhere but my own home.

FYI, i will admit that I first wanted to stop because of the איסור.  But in order to successfully do that, I needed the right מראה מקומות, and only after many years in the program, did I learn to understand WHAT the program is, and thereby understand WHAT i needed from my yiddishkeit. I continue to turn tot he program to know what I need to do, and I try finding how-where-what in the torah can do that for me. 

 in short- the torah approach, or any other theraputic system, needs to be implemented in a manner simmilar to the 12 steps. It's not merely about "stopping to act out"......       recovery!!

Izzyredy4 wrote on 26 Jul 2017 20:42:

Have you notice any specific reasons for the falls? You are definitely able to stop, keep believing that! 

How can I help you reach your goal?

Life with a recovering addict (at least 12-step recovery) can be beautiful and meaningful. But it can also be hellish. Sex addiction isn't like alcoholism. My experience has been that relapse is a part of life as a sex addict. I'm probably going to relapse, and I'm ok with that. But my potential partner may not be ok with that. And that's their prerogative. They have that right to choose and it makes sense if they might say no.

Just because we're sex addicts doesn't mean a girl needs to marry one, or a possible one.

Therapist, Dov, Rosh yeshiva....all good moves.

Wishin' you the utmost hatzlachah.

I just wrote a long reply, then the page auto-reloaded and I lost it all, so forgive me for my short reply

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Whatever happens is for the good. Gd willing you'll have a great marriage soon

Enjoy the meetings, I'll have you in mind and KUTGW!

Im a man who struggles with addiction!!Every time after I fall I tell my self I will stop forever and again I'm telling my self IM DONE!!  I just signed up for the 90+ day streak   "I WONT QUIT THE FIGHT BUT I WANT TO QUIT THE FALL!!!" May  hashem see my desire to stop and use the angle it creates to assist me in this battle!!! And let us together stay strong!!!!!

hi atc. good to see that you are still with us. Torah is the "initial" antidote for the yetzer horah. chazal say that it may not work and then one should say shema when the yetzer horah attacks him. if that doesnt work he should remind himself of death. r' yonasan eibeshtz in yaaros devash drush 1 explains that each antidote is for a different cause. if the sin was caused by "chemdah" (which he says is a nisayon more often found in chachomim- scholars!) then the only antidote is remembering the day of death where no pleasure comes along with you. there are many explanations but perhaps in gye we can understand this to mean that its not just a yetzer horah. rather it is an addiction which completely takes over our sanity and life. we must remind ourselves that this is death! we are now here in this world to live. if we are totally controlled by lust, we are good as dead. therefore we must do all it takes to live!! please get help fast before you get so sunken in that it will need something as powerful as techiyas hameisim to revive you. hatzlachah on your journey to recovery.

I keep seeing the 12 steps all the time in almost all parts of the Tefila.
his morning it occured to me that in the Amida we say:
סוֹמֵךְ נוֹפְלִים, וְרוֹפֵא חוֹלִים, וּמַתִּיר אֲסוּרִים, וּמְקַיֵּם אֱמוּנָתוֹ לִישֵׁנֵי עָפָר. 
If the first three are pretty self explanatory when applied to an addiction ridden situation: Support my fall, Heal my illness, Free me from my prison! the fourth is more complex...
I was tought that this means that we believe that Hashem keeps His word, realizes His promises to the deceased Avot - Yesheyney Afar.
While remaining certainly true, I had an additional understanding of it in the light of the first 3 steps: 
Our faith, our Emuna - is also a gift from Hashem. By our own power we cannot be truly believers - not for long. If I rely on my powers alone, I will be subject to scepticism and shake my Emuna one way or another, because I am made from dust - I am Gashmi - material.
But if I surrender even this to Hashem, then He will make my Emuna strong and everlasting - 
מקיים אמונתו לישני עפר

Benjamin

I hear you, ur definitely right in regards to urself, can be for me too, I'm just not ready enough for that yet and by saying so I mean it in 1) I'll feel awkward opening up to someone knew, who I don't really know 2) currently I don't feel the need for it. 
If in one day i see that I'm not succeeding to contral my thoughts my lust, I'll feel the need for it and by then I guess I won't feel that awkward since there will be the need for it.

I think that shiur could in fact be harming me. Fear did nothing to get me sober and recover. In fact, I need to remove fear to live a better life. I am powerless over lust so nothing that anyone is going to say (Dont do it!!!) is going to really help me. I become very guilty and ashamed because I thought i was bad for acting out. The Torah says No and yet I am doing it. I have come to believe that i am sick getting well, not bad getting evil. 

But, if the shiur works for you then thats great! But me, as a sex addict, i dont think its going to work. 

Shkoyach! Well done for surrendering. In my experience calling another program member is also important to get me out of my head and into the light. 

I really appreciate your support. Yes, I am working and B"H, it's been a tremendous experience just knowing that I'm moving in the direction that HaShem wants for me. What's been most significant is my recent exposure to the 12-step program and really tapping into it's power. I find many addictive qualities to my acting out behaviors and the 12 step program seems to provide a recipe for success with Life, not just with lust. Once again, appreciate your support! 

Hello to all my friends in GYE,
I did not write yesterday - but I am still definitely on the track.
Working the 12 steps - one day at a time.
My step 1 is really interesting and I find it usefull to share a few thoughts that occur to me while reading the materials from the Big Book and the White book.

We are taught that surrendering and arrest are the keys to freedom...
Actually I had this feeling a few years ago while being arrested on the road for speeding.
What I felt at this moment amazed me. I should have be resentful, angry at the guy for caughting me and eventually fining me - but no. I actually was grateful to him, and I told him so.
I realized when he stopped me that i had to have this external intervention to bring me back to reality. Speeding is dangerous! You are endangering your life, the lives of others around - for absolutely no reason at all! Yes - at that time I needed a Greater Power - in this case a very gentle and kind police officer - to arrest me and by so doing help me be free of this compulsive need to drive fast...
And that brought me to the reflection that my driving is a very good reflection of my inner self.
When I am at peace with myself, I drive calmly and serenely, accept the aleas of the traffic with an open and accepting heart - and arrive more or less on time, or even late - but joyful. 
And when I am angry with myself and the world - many times because I caved in to my addiction and I felt ashamed and angry - my driving becomes agressive and restless. And I arrive more or less on time, or even late - but always feeling like BAD WORD REMOVED!

So my friends - let your Greater Power arrest you, surrender - and drive safely home with joy!

Benjamin