dms1234 wrote on 15 Aug 2017 04:36:

I think I can give a clear NO to maybe 3 questions.
However, Does that mean you are an "addict" ?
I think a lot of people would say yes to at least a few.
What is the official curve?

Keep on posting, and more importantly, read the posts of fellows with good recovery. Stay open minded.

For me, it means that I have to know how to live in this world which includes women in revealing dress. I exercise Shmirat Einayim by looking down, looking up, examining my hands, telling myself that this is a temporary thing which will fade away from my mind in 5 seconds, etc. I am an addict, so I don't try to look directly at women and tell myself that I can take it.

On this site just reading articles and forums so far... I'm planning on trying the partner program.  I just don't know if I have a big problem scince I've been doing this stuff for about 7 years.  like right now I'm clean for 2 weeks and its easy but in like a week or a year ill just fall....

Thank you. Hard cover is difficult for me. Do you know where I can get a big book?

Needtoclearmyhead wrote on 20 Aug 2017 19:10:

i felt that way and still do many many times. in SA and recovery (for the record i'm not yet in recovery my current "streak" is two days) i started having enjoyment in others things and i for he first time felt REAL enjoyment i also thought i enjoyed porn but i was (and am) a slave to lust when i enjoy other stuff simple chat with friends etc. that's real optional willing leisure not being forced by my desires to do something i don't believe in (i do want it on some level it's just gonna kill me so i can't)

best of luck

I didn't yet get the time to write my acting out history, hope to do so somewhere soon. For now I"ll just copy paste from a comment I just wrote.



I felt basically like you and nothing helped me to understand what the heck is going on with me, where I'm standing at, what my real struggles are, and what is the thing(s) I need to do to help myself... This situation went on for years till I was referred to therapy by Relief. I started therapy (tried a few therapists) and was referred to a psychiatrist for an evaluation. The moment the psychiatrist asked me if I have anything more to say and if I'm ready to hear bluntly what's going on with me, I felt that this was the moment! This is what I'm waiting for the past 20 years! and indeed it was!!! He gave me such a clear and precise picture and map of what's happening that I couldn't doubt it. It was painful but relieving (on some degree) at the same moment. In my case this was the only thing that gave me hope and here I am on my second day sober (I had much more days in the past but my life was so miserable then and wasn't interested in nothing, but now I feel I'm still living and I'm interested in work and in people), and still feeling calm and collected, as long as I do the little homework they (doctor and therapist) gave me. I'm not fully ready yet to join a live SA group, but meanwhile I'm trying to benefit from the support on here.

Hope4debetter wrote on 23 Aug 2017 16:54:

Sounds like you're on a roll

KEEP ON TRUCKING!!!

Needtoclearmyhead wrote on 20 Aug 2017 19:10:

I felt basically like you and nothing helped me to understand what the heck is going on with me, where I'm standing at, what my real struggles are, and what is the thing(s) I need to do to help myself... This situation went on for years till I was referred to therapy by Relief. I started therapy (tried a few therapists) and was referred to a psychiatrist for an evaluation. The moment the psychiatrist asked me if I have anything more to say and if I'm ready to hear bluntly what's going on with me, I felt that this was the moment! This is what I'm waiting for the past 20 years! and indeed it was!!! He gave me such a clear and precise picture and map of what's happening that I couldn't doubt it. It was painful but relieving (on some degree) at the same moment. In my case this was the only thing that gave me hope and here I am on my second day sober (I had much more days in the past but my life was so miserable then and wasn't interested in nothing, but now I feel I'm still living and I'm interested in work and in people), and still feeling calm and collected, as long as I do the little homework they (doctor and therapist) gave me. I'm not fully ready yet to join a live SA group, but meanwhile I'm trying to benefit from the support on here.

If I had i would act out again most probably. Now I need to go a long way to get wifi and I only want to do that when I'm ready to put on filter right away and have some kind of support meanwhile to assure that I don't stumble those few minutes.

BTW, according to what I have read here ( guardyoureyes.com/articles/addiction-recovery/item/understanding-triggers-in-pornography-recovery?category_id=528 ) I also need to focus on my main triggers, which are my struggles in everyday life (not related to any sexual exposure) and my Complex-PTSD. For instance: now on the moment I am going through a hard time with some people (the emotional flashback I'm experiencing makes it way more tougher to survive, see www.pete-walker.com for a better understanding of emotional fglashbacks and Coplex-PTSD, it's so much different than PTSD and people confuse those 2) and I B"h have some tools to manage those so I'm less tempted to act out. I still have the temptation to do it and not even with my smartphone. There's enough ways to do it when I feel the huge need to escape and I wouldn't necessarily need a connection to internet for that.

acceptance wrote on 23 Aug 2017 16:28:

I can't claim to know anything about you, acceptance, but there's a serious lack of information for you to suggest a 12-step program. 
Numis: Welcome. I hope you find what you are looking for. What have you tried so far?

Join a 12 step program, its the best place to learn an alternative way to respond when you have something 'trigger' you. Basically it sounds like you are trying to control yourself by using sheer willpower, that never worked for me, I needed to connect to the G-d power in me by working the 12 steps with the support of the group and my sponsor.

P.s. R' Shais Taubs book G-d of our understanding is a really good place to get a better understanding of yopurself and the 12 steps.

Good luck

I'll say my story briefly. Throughout H's I was an excessive user of porn and masturbation. I was completely out of control. After I graduated  iwent to isreal where I stopped everything fully and completely. I came home that pesach and stumbled a couple of times I stopped till that summer(last year) where I again stumbled. After that I went to isreal this past year and stayed throughout peach I was completely clean from everything for over a year and when I came back home this summer I started stumbling again with the same porn and masturbation although not that excessive.    I would love any advice that could help me. thank you so much

Markz wrote on 22 Aug 2017 00:22:

I have to humbly submit that i was able to break the obsession with porn (with no program) by combatting porn on its own before dealing with masturbation, and our good friend (bb) did the same thing but the opposite way around with porn but no masturbation (a mystery to me how thats possible) but if you are very serious about moving forwards and feel that this will work for you then there is some wisdom in it... as long as you understand that the end goal is giving it all up...
See my first post on my personal thread where i was not convinced i had to quit masturbating still, but now i realize that its the ultimate in selfish action. But it took me a while to get to there.
Again to clarify this is not an orthodox way of doing things.

Hi chevreh, 
I didn't post in a while, bh since life is running normally w/o having lust interfere/corrupt  too much.

i would like to say thank you hashem and to all (everyone) those that posted on my thread and help me with this nisayon, it's a life long nisayon but i feel the battlefield completely changed for me, it's not about how many sober days I have, it's about living in the present, it's about being real with oneself, being real with other, being honest w urself and when you answer to someone, not shying away from the truth, and this has changed me in a couple of areas in life.

i owe this to all of u, it's not what i was able to achieve on my own.

in particularly to this nisayon I feel that by venting  and sharing my thoughts of how this nisayon is haunting me and slowly destroying my life, by doing so, i feel that as if half of the nisayon has drifted away, so I would like to say thank you again. 

I'm not done with the nisayon and there's work to be done but I don't know how regularly I'll be posting so I just wanted to say thank you מקירות ליבי! 


Ps. I fellow the forum daily/weekly and share with the pain and the real achievements (שמחת החיים).