youcan wrote on 19 Dec 2017 16:23:

Youcan....
this is a superb message. Very enlightening.
You are absolutely right. 
I love your humour too. 
Thanks a lot ! 

Well that name i chose, because that was the role  model i am looking to become. I chose that name, because i want to be a true Eved Hashem and do only always his will. And that is what a Tzaddik is all about (not to confuse with our rebbes calling themselves tzaddikim).
I guess it is inspiring for me as well, that i was able to manage 90 days without a/o, it is truely with hashems help. as chazal say, אלמלא הקב"ה עוזרו, אינו יכול לו.

I came across this article from Dov which is from 2010 or earlier. Thought I would share it here. 

Daily Dose of Dov

An Entirely Different Track

"Struggling&StrivingBT" writes:

So, like all, becoming a Bal Teshuvah has by no means been easy, and I'm by no means there yet. One of the hardest parts has been in the area of "self gratification". While intellectually, I understand what is so bad about wasting seed, I sometime have trouble attaching my heart to the idea. I feel like a hypocrite; how can I know it's wrong but do it anyway, how can I daven and keep the mitzvot and avoid all these other prohibitions, but this one thing I can't stop?  Then, in not wanting to deal with the weight of my actions or fall to despair, I try to look it as lighter or ignore it, and so I can't even make since Teshuva for it. Does anyone have any advice on attaching ones heart to the belief that this is wrong?  

Dov Responds:

Supposing you finally got the true idea of how horrible the aveiro of zera levatola is, clearly in your mind. And it also became so real to you, that you'd say it's now in your heart. It sounds like you are convinced it'd stop you. Or that, at the least, you are saying that it'd help you a great deal to stop, even if you'd still have some struggle. So far, am I on track?

You may be right. But I don't have experience with success that way. I tried, and can point you in the same direction I took to get some of the tremendous guilt and disgust that I thought would finally speak to me... OK. I'll spare you.  But I fully respect anyone who goes that way, as long as they succeed.

There may be another way completely for you to gain freedom. The 12 Steps do not look at the folly of sin at all (except in the very first step), and are an entirely different track than what it seems to me that you are describing. The Steps don't sound very religious to many. And they essentially are not about religion. They are about our receptiveness to religion as a force of growth in our lives.

They are about cultivating integrity, self-honesty, maturity, and G-d-centeredness. The people who live them, all seem to say they got some of these things from working them, along with the ability to remain sober one day at a time.

But it seems that so far, your focus on the evil of looking (and I agree that it surely is evil!) has only brought you to attend even more to the lust objects! So. We all know that wishing it away just makes us think about it even more, which is the Problem to begin with! No chidush there.

I'm just plugging what works for me today. There are many who go very different ways and get better, so I suggest you search recovery in some way, then settle down (with help of friends in recovery) and do it.

Do it like we all did the addictive behavior: daily without fail, with "tzniyus" (we hid it or did whatever else we needed to do in order to preserve it!), honestly (we acted out very personally and earnestly), and sparing no expense or trouble.

You are already very lucky to be here! Hatzlocha!!

Welcome! Thanks for joining!
Here you'll find your way to recovery, there are a lot of success stories here. Read the handbook & see what works for you.

A lot of us justify our acting out with different excuses, but we should know that it's not true, the reason for addiction is rather mental than physical, at age 12 you didn't need a wife but you're still addicted, also you didn't have sex twice a day when your wife was in perfect health, so why do you need porn that much? I'm not concluding anything, just wanna show you that the addiction is not a result of having a poor sex life etc.

Stay with us & stay focused to fight, you will succeed with hashem's help!

(Please excuse my English, I'm Yiddish )

tzaddik212 wrote on 19 Dec 2017 15:33:

Hope to be there in 84 days
BTW, I read your story (from the link in your signature), all I can say is that you deserve the name you gave yourself! Not giving up after trying for YEARS is amazing and inspiring! But the fact that after all that you managed to succeed should be real chizuk to all the strugglers here that even if you keep falling & you don't see the light in the end of the tunnel, here you can see that in fact there is!
Thank you for being here!...

Thanks.
For me it's not that I have nothing else to do, I enjoy learning Torah (I used to learn a lot), I enjoy reading etc. But when I have too much free time to do what I want (too much time to think...) usually I feel that I want to fall, I feel that I need something more.. more than just reading playing etc. It's probably cuz of my mental issue I may have (depression anxiety or whatever else) meanwhile we have to try to be smarter than the YH & try not to open the door for him, because once you open even just to look who's outside he comes in & takes over the entire home.
BTW, I found that a lot of my falls (& slips) started by viewing my spam emails, I get ads from dating sites etc. I tried to unsubscribe many times but you probably know the results... 

Hello to everybody reading this:)

Aproximently 19 days have passed since my last post. main points:

1. Im still clean Baruh Hashem

2. Still looking for sponsor. If there is somebody from Israel i'd be glad! 
i prefer wattsup or mail

3. Question:
One experienced guy from here after reading my story told me that if im clean till Hanuca then im not an addict.

So what period of cleaness (for my case) will be enouth to say that im ready tomake Shiduh?
Hom many months? 3? 6? A year?

Hi Guys.

Well there is so many inspiring stories, of people that stayed strong and didn't fall. well for me being on day 93, which by the way, for the last 2 decades i wasnt able to make it this far, but B"h hashem showed me that it is possible. and i hope to continue to pile more and more days. 

Hi. I think my experience is very similar to yours, in fact they are almost identical. I used to (now I'm like you trying to make it to the 90th day, and hopefully beyond) browse random webpages until I got stimulated by something that I may not even notice and then begin accelerating down a ramp that leads to a fall. Forget about the filter, it only works when your YH is not strong. When YH takes over you, you will always be able to find a way around that and get to inappropriate content (from my personal experience). You may feel that boredom is the driving factor behind your aimless browsing (that's what I felt) but boredom is such a vague word. For me, it is because I have nothing else to do that is as enjoyable. Falling takes me to another world, one of my imagination. However that is not healthy, I should appreciate the life I have now. There is meaning in many things in our life, such as spending time with family. Of course my parents are not buying me every single gaming console but there is more to life than that. YH keeps driving us to pursue material pleasure, blinding us. That is what happens when I am about to fall, only seeing the pleasure and forgetting the consequences. We should find something meaningful to do to battle the temptation of material pleasure. There are things everyone can do, such as studying the torah and there are things that depends on individual preference. Enjoying meaningful things makes YH weaker. 

PS: On the smart phone issue, I think it means that you can access GYE anywhere but also inappropriate content anywhere. If it is not likely that you will fall outside home, I suggest that you do not buy a smartphone (another reason is that ,for me and many others I know, smartphones don't usually last more than 3 years. Falling onto the ground is one huge threat to its longevity.  If the phone model is not very popular, it will be very difficult to find a screen replacement. Sorry this is way off topic...)

Hello, 
Please excuse my english. I am french. 
Read about the site in a french journal. 
I am married and have 2 kids. I am 45. 
I have been suffering addiction to pornography since the age of 11/12 if I can remember. I tried to stop many times. Without any success. Things became worse after the dramatic libido fall of my wife, 10 years ago. We have sexual relations about once every 3 months. So I got progressively more addicted and the smartphone convenience helped. Looking at it as a way to destress and compensate for the poor sexual life. And considering that it is a little avera compared to the ones who cheat their wives. So I got used to 2 visits a day on porn sites.  Early morning and late night. 
Feeling like a slave and guilty and dirty all
his life is not very funny. 
I am happy I found you. Hope to success by joigning this group. I have the deep will to stop. 
Thank you. 

Keep us posted.

Hi Guys.
I am today on day 92.
What got me to reach day 90?
I am around the S 12 step fellowships for over 5 years. and the 12 steps fellowships for over 8 years. But i wasnt able to become sober. Why?
Because i remained Anonymous. i hid myself behind the phone, behind the computer, and i basically continued the double life, the hidden life, the secretive life, 
in order for me to be able to break through the 90 days clean, after decades of living a double life, secretive life, was by exposing and disclosing my issues with other fellows that suffer as well.
exposing means by meeting them in person, and then keep up on a daily basis. 
Let me share with you my perspective of my addiction. my addiction needs oxygen to live on. the oxygen of my addiction is comprised of 2 elements. 1. secret.   2. deception.
1. Secret. I tend to keep it a secret, and that is when i start the cruising and the thrill starts to build up. once i expose it to my trusted friend, then it is not anymore a secret, and loses momentum, and t loses its intensity.
2. Deception. My addiction always deceives me, and it tells me how urgent it is for me to act out. and it is a lie. It is always lying to me. by me making this phone call and to talk to my trusted friend, i realize that it is not so important for me to act out.
Well i felt Horrible to share my story and my struggles with someone here on GYE too. I felt shamed and a real fool. after all for the last few decades i am living a double life. on one side, i am that respected guy, which so many people have respect for, but on the other hand i felt horrible by my deep dirty secret within my soul that i was carrying around for decades. I had to make a choice, do i want to live an honest productive authentic life, or do i want to continue my dark life. and i paid  the price of uncomfortability for the sake of the decision that i want and need recovery more, so i did it. I couldnt keep it to myself anymore, i had to humble myself, and i am so grateful i did it. I am at day 92 today. if you send me a private message with your email, i can share with you more, so we might keep up.

true i did 
it's basically a fear of self

Hi, thank you for thinking about me.
I'm doing OK, my miracle has not happened yet but I'm optimistic. 
In the past 2 weeks I had 2 falls r"l both of them in a time that I had no schedule, it started with browsing with no particular goal & slowly shifted to a certain direction till I fell on a device with a strong filter. The attack when it came was so strong that it didn't need much fuel to burn.
Hashem gave me one gift, the ability to move on after a fall without forgetting about it, meaning I remember the fall & know that I have to improve so it shouldn't happen again but in the mean time not to get stuck & start counting (...) again right away.

All the sensible stuff you wrote in your great post is really helpful when I'm not under attack, but when it comes he don't understand anything, he wants his portion & he want it now.. I try to maneuver it shouldn't happen. When I have free time that I know can end fetal I go on GYE & make headaches for some people by posting on their threads... Otherwise I try not to use the internet without having a clear plan what I will search for etc. (It's very not easy...)

My goal now is to read through the handbook & consider new tools.
I have some news to share that I will leave for another time.

Regarding therapy: yes I want to go (I need it badly)
I spoke to somebody that has a lot of experience in referral, he suggested me a therapist but my rav wanted him to talk to the therapist before to make sure he's good for my particular case, I will start next week iyh.

Thanks again!

tzomah wrote on 15 Dec 2017 10:15:

I thought you answered that here.