I want to recount for a minute here my way to 100 and something days. Hope you'll excuse the length of it.

How did i get to where i am now?

I was desperate. I was watching porn and\or masturbating sometimes 5 times a day. I was losing my life and myself. I felt it hindering me in everything i tried to do. Friends, family, work, learning. I dont think i have to describe to you all the bad effects it had on my life, if you're here you probably know it all.

So, it all started when I prayed as never before (i was truly desperate) for enlightment, wisdom and help from the Almighty.

I dont think it was a miracle, but surely it was the hand of G-d that gave it to me. Enlightment, some wisdom, and a few weapons in the form of GYE.

The weapons i got were:

1. understanding. I understood the nature of my problem. Its an illness, an addiction, and as such cannot be treated by myself alone.

2. hope and encouragement. I found out that its not just me, and that people with far worse conditions could be and were healed, and that after 90 days clean the challenge should become a lot easier.

3. Occupational therapy. I started filling my day with activity that kept me occupied and satisfied without my drug of choice.

4. Substituting drug. The way porn addicts a person is by releasing tremendous amount of endorphines and so keeps him coming for more, just the way some heavy drugs do. So i started lifting weights to get the endorphines my body wanted badly. Sometimes 2 times a day. Generally, whenever i feel a strong urge, thats where i go.

5. Social support. The forum and the chat was a great tool to interact with people that have the same condition and can have the understanding and give support in times of need. Also it was a good way to get off my chest the struggles i was going through.

6. Mind based defense tool. The taphsic method was super effective. When you know you will have to pay 500 bucks if you'll have this tiny pick at bad stuff, it balances the scales.

7. Physical defense tool. I asked my internet provider to activate the free of charge web filter service they give. Even though its easy to override, it still gives me some time to rethink my decision, and blocks annoying random inappropriate material. Only bad thing about it was that i tried sometimes "just out of curiosity" to outsmart it. BH i caught myself on time and thats in the past now.

8. Learning from other's experience. Reading through the threads of success and failure helped me to figure out the best path for myself. instead of tripping and groping in the dark alone i am just using the road marks left by others. Its much easier (APB and special thanks for CORDNOY here, his thread is awsome. though i couldn't finish it).

9. Talking to the experienced. I reached out, or more accurately, he reached out to me and clarified for me a few things. (Since i know he doesnt mind posting his name, all hail Hashem Help Me.)

10. Checking myself for flaws. Every few weeks im checking on my state of mind and general progress, for possible improvements and work needed be done.

11. asking help from the Almighty. Im adding almost every day a personal prayer at the end of 'shmone esre', asking strength and courage to pass the day clean.

The benefits i got because of my work are huge.

1. Time. I have time!!! I did so many things in that time!

2. Friends. I almost abandoned my friends because of my addiction. Now i got them back again.

3. Physical strength. Working out built my body to the level i was a few years ago and more in some areas.

4. Clarity. I am a much better learner those days. I can almost speak one more language.

5. Life. I have my life again. Everything i denied myself from is now coming back.

Now will i be able to continue forever? I pray with all my heart. Is it possible for me to fall? Of course. Do i want that to happen? No. I slip sometimes. Happens. I regret it badly. But i never let myself dwell on it. I just move forward, for if i will dwell on it it will be as foolish as just giving up the struggle and crying which inevitably will lead to more falling and crying. Instead i should analyze what went wrong and plan how to continue.

Am i free from lust? No. I am still tied to it. But with help from above the rope is getting thiner with every fiber getting cut from it. It might never completely disappear, but well, im here to work, aint i?

Huge credit to HHM for reviewing and spell-checking the post :]

Hi everyone! I am starting a 90 day journey and will try to post about my status every day. Right now, I'm constantly failing and haven't ever broke the ten day barrier within the last year and a half. Hopefully, by reading the handbook, and wasting less time, I will finally be able reach 90 days.

Weekly Update (week ending Feb 25): Started journey, read a lot of tehillim. I hope to maintain my streak, and also break my football addiction.

Thanks LB. Much love your way <3<3

UPDATE TIME!!

With God's help, one day at a time, I am over my previous streak of 6 months. It has been six months of working steps, building family and lots and lots of discomfort (because life is hard) but invigorating because my head has been clear most of the time. I didn't have that gut-wrenching shame and humiliation of just having acted out. I feel serenity, calmness. Whether times get tougher. well they will inevitably. Kids grow up. Emotional turmoil. Financial burdens we all know too well. But I am grateful for today.

It's uncanny the things Dov explains in his talks apply to me. Like he says, "If you're driving with your pants around your legs masturbating, you're probably an addict". I tug my collar nervously. Flip. That's the path hey, as I reminisce the two times I did that. For the thrill of climaxing while driving. What the heck? Trying to see if I can still drive at that moment? How dangerous. Anywho I wanted to surrender that.

Keeping on keeping on hey. Hatzlocha to all you here.

welcome!

You say you are an addict? Have you tried 12 steps?

Hi everyone.

I just cannot wait to get free from porn and masturbation. I've had this secret double life for too long, which is too embarrassing and too sad. I've just had enough of it. Today I did 1 day of "stop". I got that idea from the GYE handbook thing - where you cannot get rid of the past and cannot control the future but just commit to 1 day of not doing porn or masturbating. I really like the idea of not thinking about tomorrow but just today.

I've tried to break this addiction by myself before... and failed. The longest I went clean was for around 90 days, but then I went back into doing it.

I started viewing inappropriate content online so long ago I found it hard to estimate how long I have been addicted for, but I think its between 10 to 13 years. It has been so dumb. I want a better life. This is such a time for sobriety and clear sight. I now see that I thought I was just dabbling around with online porn, but I have a full addiction.

I am thankful to GYE, my sponsor, friends, meetings, 12 steps and Hashem that I now have 60 days of sobriety behind me. The earlier days were not as difficult to be abstinent because I was still feeling remorse about my last acting out episode. However, the last few days have been a little more difficult. The waves of lust have become more forceful. My addiction whispers to me what it has told me so many times before; "you deserve it, don't miss out, just one final really amazing fulfilling fun experience before you quit for good." My insanity has caused me to agree with this voice so many times before. 

I am working on the 3rd step to try and give my life over to the care of Hashem. I tend to worry about the outcome and procrastinate to take action, it is against my nature to give up my-self reliance and truly trust in Hashem that he can heal me from this disease.

Hello and welcome!
It's great that you're not struggling with pornography. I'm pretty sure many of the tools and resources here can and should be adapted for recovery from general internet addiction. If you feel powerless and like you are not in control then that sounds like the same underlying struggle for many of us here.

Baruch Hashem, I don't really have a struggle with pornography.  I am a baal teshuva, and I was into that as a teenager, but when I became frum in my 20s I left that behind.  My struggle now is more just baseless wasting time on the internet -- particularly watching soccer and fighting (largely on youtube etc).  There are sometimes inappropriate pictures of women in there, but that's not really my motivation or my focus.  I've turned to Guard Your Eyes because I feel that I'm not very in control of myself, which is very scary to me.  Once the yetzer hara has you doing one thing against your will, who knows what comes next (chas v'shalom).  I have used several different filters which block out youtube and other internet sites that I found myself on, but I've come to find recently that -- like a real addict -- I have sometimes gone to relatively great lengths to get into youtube and watch some [stupid] movies.  I got a second wind and blocked that avenue to youtube, but I worry that if I don't deal with the root of the problem in a better way, I'll just keep relapsing when the opportunity to do so arises.  I want to regain my trust in my own ability to turn away from something that I know is damaging.  

hi T.D.,however you look at it ,a big yetzer hara or the sickness of addiction,all hope is not lost!dont give up and please dont  forget your best friend  Hashem !Hashem is with you in this and wont abandon you even if you feel youre alone,whatever you do keep on Davening !you will get out of this !Chazak!

"It is possible that, once relieved of the compulsion to act out our habit, we may feel cured and start coasting along with our TANK on EMPTY. But the same personality defects that energized our addiction are still with us and, unattended, will take their toll again, sooner or later.



Why are they still with us? Because they are us



Progressive victory over these defects, not their eradication, is the power of God at work in us.



What we really do battle against is not other people but our old natures, the negative force within us we can obey anytime we wish, the force that is always willing and able to wrong another. This is why our program must come to fruition in our daily living or there is no recovery"



That was from Pg 131 and is the story of my tank...

 However the Free Lust Truck Towing company came to this conclusion, it should only lead to an even more inspirational story then (at least I believe) what has been till now.

Is Karl going to business meetings now?

Markz wrote on 13 Feb 2018 04:44:

I have found that after a significant period of clean living the pull of the temptation has subdued considerably. It can raise its ugly head with a fury ONLY WHEN I don't nip the urges as they begin to reappear - if I ignore instead of dealing with them, they then linger and ultimately fester into a dynamic sinful filthy vacuum. 
Yikes!

"It is possible that, once relieved of the compulsion to act out our habit, we may feel cured and start coasting along with our TANK on EMPTY. But the same personality defects that energized our addiction are still with us and, unattended, will take their toll again, sooner or later.

Why are they still with us? Because they are us

Progressive victory over these defects, not their eradication, is the power of God at work in us.

What we really do battle against is not other people but our old natures, the negative force within us we can obey anytime we wish, the force that is always willing and able to wrong another. This is why our program must come to fruition in our daily living or there is no recovery"

That was from Pg 131 and is the story of my tank...

I mean trying to "figure out" the nature of addiction etc.. Many think they have to "figure it out" before they can recover.  Really, just follow the lead of those that have been successful.  Use tools that have helped others.  Don't worry about understanding how/why it works.

It's like following doctors orders.  You trust a doctor and follow his advice.  He may give you some basic explanation, but that is really not that important.  It is the recovery actions that are important.

Hi and welcome here is a place to try and get rid of that addiction and many have succeded
sogo ahead and take advantage of all the wonderfull tools availible 
keep posting as you will stay connected and find those who have gone by the same path and got out

bb0212 wrote on 09 Feb 2018 05:27:


I Just opened that 1st spoiler for the 1st time. So embarrassing!  Being that I wrote it a few days ago,  I forgot that I wasn't supposed to open it.  But no worries,  I got this!