mzl wrote on 27 Jul 2018 04:27:

Meaning?

Thank you. can addicts of this category can be cured thoroughly?

there's a third possibility, namely that you are not talking about conditioning but something slightly different, and you left out some seemingly minor detail

addiction is when your brain is positive that eventually you must act out, whether in ten minutes or ten years, as a result of a trigger

people like that don't get better with just simple conditioning

mzl wrote on 27 Jul 2018 00:48:

its working. that means one of two things, i must assume:
1. i am not an addict.
2. its not working.
non of them seems true to me.
which leads me to the next question: what is you definition of an addict?

that's conditioning

that might work if you are not an addict

Switchin' topics:

As my life and marriage is chaotic lately, I even mentioned to a friend or two that divorce, although difficult to live with in the long term, is somewhat of an easy and enticin' decision for the short term.

And immediately after that, the followin' quotation from our greatest president's inaugural address literally fell into my lap:

A husband and wife may be divorced and go out of the presence and beyond the reach of each other, but the different parts of our country can not do this. They can not but remain face to face, and intercourse, either amicable or hostile, must continue between them. Is it possible, then, to make that intercourse more advantageous or more satisfactory after separation than before?

NowI, although it has no direct bearin' on my situation, it does however give food for thought for a sex-addicted mind, like mine.

Hey, don't take it too hard - the guys here are really on your side and want to see you succeed myself included. I think most people are trying to give advice based on their experience with breaking through addiction. Obviously everyone is different and you need to do what works for you. Keep the streak strong!

My wife was offered a job opportunity that would require us to move. She brought it up with me. And while I think that this particular job wouldn't be the best move we can make now, I'm hearing her out and being supportive.
I think it won't work out on its own.

Aside from the job itself, the concern she brought up with me is "what do you want to do with your life?!"
Even if we do move, will I continue "doing nothing" by spending lots of time on my phone and computer, 
She's ready to just "run away" from our marriage.

B"H this opened up a conversation asking her to really listen and sharing with her that I really struggle with this, and my whole life has been a fight with this. She actually did mention that maybe I should get a dumbphone or see an addiction counselor. We spoke about how all this makes her feel and how this is why she wants to run away from it all.

So I am making a firm decision not to spend so much time on my phone. My goal is not more than 1:20 a day. I've had this app called Quality Time which allows me to track how much time I'm spending. I do review it occasionally and remove time suckers from my phone. Chrome and Youtube are the biggest offenders. They're gone. I deleted email too. (I spend most of the work day in front of a computer anyway).  (I downloaded all the GYE apps so we'll see where that goes. Will they become time suckers too?)

I need to face my social anxiety, and all the stress of work head on. Need to find better coping mechanisms for the inevitable stress and rejection at work and life. (and I need to go back and read all the things I said I need to do and do them :-) )

Davening this morning, I was particularly moved by one section, that never had as much meaning to me:
We do not know what to do; our eyes are looking to You.
Remember Your mercies, O God, and Your acts of kindness, for they have existed for all time.
May Your kindness be manifest upon us, O God, as we have hoped in You.
Do not recall for us our previous sins. Speedily have Your mercies come toward us, for we have been sorely impoverished.
Be gracious unto us, O God, be gracious unto us, for we have been overly sated with scorn.
God, deliver us. May the King answer us on the day we call.
For He knows [with what impulses] we were formed; He is mindful that we are but dust.
Help us, O God of our deliverance, for the sake of the honor of Your name.
Save us and atone for our sins for the sake of Your name.

With best wishes for all my brothers here!
Will check back tomorrow bez'ras Hashem (as opposed to compulsively every 5 minutes :-) )

mzl wrote on 23 Jul 2018 23:27:

I can definitely relate to that attitude for myself. Then the question I ask myself is "do I really want to stop? For good?" If I really want to stop and get this out of my life, falling tomorrow is not an option. Of course we need to take it "one day at a time".

I am concerned that your brain has figured out that it's okay to use p*** every few days as long a) you come to gye and confess afterwards, b) you feel guilty about it c) you resolve to try harder next time and d) you invent some new ( rigorously ineffective) way to address your addiction.

And I think a lot of people asked you questions and I haven't seen a lot of answers from you.

I like you even if you use p***, I'm just saying ...

Editor’s Note

NEW CHIZUK EMAIL SCHEDULE

Dear GYE Family! I hope you've been enjoying the Chizuk emails. It is our pleasure to send them out to inspire and empower you. All of us at GYE adminsitration thank you for your support, readership, and participation in our network. Please note, that going forward we are scaling down on the frequency of the Chzuk emails. This move is in response to the changing conditions on the ground. Our readership is dynamic and busy and few have the time to read lengthy emails daily. To accomdoate your busy schedules, dear readers, and without jeopardizing the quality of our message, we will only send out three weekly issues of the Chizuk email, one of them being the Parsha in Recovery. For a daily boost in chizuk and encoruagment, please subscribe to the Daily Boost by following the information below.  Please don't forget that the best way for daily chizuk is a day-to-day connection to other struggling people. Additionally, if you feel that your struggles have crossed over into porn/sex addiction territory, consider joining a 12-step Recovery fellowship, which will provide you with additional support. To learn more about various options for the 12-step fellowships, see the article at the bottom of this email. Please also note the announcement of the weekly 12-Step phone conference slated to begin on Aug. 5. With warmest regards for continued recovery, Mottel.

Hi Mottel,

I would like to express my thanks for all the past chizuk emails.
I read it daily on my commute to work. As techie as I am, I still prefer the written word over audio-visual presentations. I am also subscribed to the Boost emails, but do not find them engaging. Normally I just skim through the text, and skip the video totally. On the other hand, the chizuk emails are great, especially when you include "A daily dose of Dov". 

I understand that there is limited resources, and you need to offer content which is more appreciated by most other subscribers. 

I would like to ask for a favor, on the days which there wouldn't be a new chizuk email, Perhaps you can have a random re-run from the archives?

Thank you!

No Problem, I will be posting regularly over the next little while all about how I overcame the addiction. 
Thanks for bringing this concern to my attention!

Hi Gye'ers,
I've been clean for many years now. I loved strong feeling of growth that I felt as each clean day passed by. However as the years went by I started to go numb. I didn't feel anymore growth. I stopped seeing the addiction as an addiction. I even contemplated falling back into the dirt, just to feel the sense of growth by starting all over. I recently joined GYE after seeing an ad for it. When I first saw the ad, I thought "What do I need this for, I am a master at recovery?" That's when it hit me, If I'm a master at being clean then how can i grow anymore? I realized that I can grow by helping others become a master at being clean as well. And this is why I became a GYE member today.

Hi I’m 29 struggling for years with Pornography and masturbation

im Married with 3 children, my marriage is not great as a result of my addiction.

hopfully I’m going to be cured soon!

In the end I have learned to begin accepting HIS will and whatever comes my way 

I understand that I have done many wrong ....including living members of my family 

enough so that whatever happens I truly earned and deserve and any positive that comes by is an absolute mercy ....and maybe it's not really for me per se but to facilitate for others which is still a mercy ...being part of the positive ...even inadvertently 

but my only true wish is that somehow in all the chaos that is my life and the result of all my feebleness and insanity that HE will accept me and I will merit somehow to be part of the end .....it's all I truly want .....that and to control my insanity .....now I teeter between addiction to games and addiction to lust ....in various forms ...it's not po** or se* or mas****n in themselves ...it is the fulfillment of lust pursuance that has been my "other"illness ,

and whether it came from birth ,or I somehow created it myself by not listening enough, or through my childhood traumas (many many traumas) or a combination of them all 

it is unacceptable and it harms others and myself and I continue to fight even when I lose 

because every lititle bit (I hope) helps and matters 

Hey everybody.

I’ve come to a point in my life when I have to make one of the toughest decisions ever and I’ve no idea what to do. So I decided to share my story and maybe get some feedback which might help me.

For 3.5 years I’ve been dating a girl. Never cheated on her but always doubted that she’s “the one”, always wanted someone else, someone “better”, someone I didn’t have. Back then, I didn’t know that I was a sex addict and that behavior was typical of a sex addict.

Then about a year ago I started seeing a therapist and gradually came to a realization that I had a lot of psychological issues, sex addiction being one of them.

Then, some 3 months ago I joined SA and have been going to meetings and working with a sponsor ever since. I realized how sick I was, how twisted my brain was etc. etc. SA helped me to abstain from porn and masturbation, today I’m 88 days sober, but I still dream about other girls and still doubt that my girlfriend is “the one”, although we have great time together, she understands me, she knows about my sex addiction and even read the White Book.

For 3.5 years my girlfriend has been an angel: she accepted me, comforted me, lent me money and never asked for anything in return. Until recently. I mean…she still doesn’t ask for much. Just for our relationship to move forward. She wants to move in with me. And…I’m not sure I want this.

I mean, I like her. I don’t know If I love her because I’ve never loved anyone due to my emotional numbing…But I like her. And I can’t think of losing her. Losing all the great things we have together. But on the other hand, my sexaholic brain can’t think of not having all other beautiful women in the world, can’t think of never meeting “the one” etc. etc.

I’ve discussed this issue with my SA group and my sponsor and my therapist, the general consensus is that right now I still in the early stage of recovery and not sober enough to take such an important decision. I agree. And I even told my girlfriend that and she understands…But she can’t wait any more. She wants to move on, to live a normal life. So she wants me to make a choice. Move in together or separate. And so I don’t know what to do. I’m torn. One minute I’m thinking of moving in together, another minute I’m thinking of separating. I know you can’t make this decision for me but I’ll still appreciate any feedback as I’m terrified to make a wrong decision.

Thank you very much in advance.