I just became aware of this trend and wanted to share... 
My P&M used to be almost a daily thing with stretches lasting no longer than a week or two. After lots of therapy and healing I'm mostly out of it but I do fall right back into it when I become depressed. And my depression seems to be playing out on a schedule - like every two Months or so. And in general I see it's something completely linked to my moods. Is this true for everyone? Do people engage in P&M when otherwise feeling great?

Hi all,

BH, now at day 1143. Thank you GYE!

Realize that fantasy + הוצאת זרע לבטלה is an addiction and must be dealt with just like any other addiction (e.g., alcohol or heroin addiction). That's a necessary realization (in my experience) to begin the trek to freedom.

Hatzlacha.

Yes, to study the subject of kedusha, i read the battle of the generation, wich is an amazing book! It helped me a lot to get a lot of courage, to not despair, and to thank hachem for the challenge, to live a little better this situation of struggling... I also studied some hilchos ramban, messilat yecharim, or even a little book that i found behachgacha pratis in Uman, i forgot the name, but it was full of quotes of gmara and zohar about the importance of kedusha, the gravity of zera levatala etc... It helped to get at least motivated to stop. 

for now I feel relaxed, free. I enjoy discovering every normal moment, living it as a free man. For example, I go to the synagogue, I walk in the street, I’m in my shower, every time I think "here, look, I’m free there, it’s crazy!".
So at first it was the euphoria, then the calm and peace of life. I feel that I will be able to devote myself to other challenges. Having overcome this mountain makes me able to work the other midot to work, beezrat hachem.

mebetter wrote on 21 Oct 2024 20:04:

Search in : "What Works For Me" >
Title: "Some Tools"
And 4th on the list.
from the battle of the generation or were u talking about somthing else.

Fantastic to hear. 

a gut vuch

yeh, addictions tend to come בחבילות.  When you plug one leak (drugs, alchohol), most people report and insane increase of urges in an "alternative" addiction.

If not this pacifier, than we just use another one.

The solution is not SOBRIETY per say, but RECOVERY.      זה לק הניקיון אלא ההחלמה

Hey everybody I just wanted to say my story and share what had worked for me.I started having p and m issues in 9th grade and it wasn’t so bad until I slowly realized how addicted i became in 11th grade. That’s when I found GYE and I instantly just threw myself into it and watched videos and clips non stop. However the problem was that I just rushed everything and didn’t really internalize it or think about it. And  since 10th grade I don’t think I was clean of m for more than 3 weeks . All this started getting better in 12 th grade when I started listening and thinking everything over that I read and watched on GYE, and bh I had many streaks of 2 3 weeks. But the massive turning point was before the summer when I broke an almost 4 week long streak, i felt so defeated and let down. But I didn’t let that get me down like it always did, instead I used it As a serious starting point for change. I spent a lot of time looking at all the plans and programs before camp. And bh I’ve been clean since then and it has been the longest streak of my life, 140 days.

Amazing. 
Truly simchas hachag. 
What an amazing display of gevurah. 
How do you feel having left behind the life of challenge and heavy weights on your shoulders?

There it is! I’m there! I did it! I’m 91 days clean! Thank you Hashem and GYE for this deliverance. Thank you Hashem and GYE for this simcha, during Yom Simchateinu!
My message is really: everything is possible! No despair! I’ve been addicted for 14 years, I tried a lot of things to get out of it, really, and the app literally saved me.

My story is this:
I fell in P&M when I was 15. Quickly I couldn’t get out. 
I prayed, cried, studied the subject of the importance of Kedusha, made hitbodedout, made nedarim, made "punishments" if I fell by giving tsedaka, listened to videos of chizuk (GYE and Vayemaen), but I did not get there, I was too lenient towards myself. The addiction was too deep in me...

And what saved me was the app! The videos are tailored, adapted to the stage at which we are, there is the forum, the 90 days charter, the daily follow-up of success or failure etc... What helped me a lot was a post by someone on the forum (sorry I did not remember your name but you saved me) that told his method Taphsik, and I took the same: before allowing me a fall it was necessary to first do 50 push-ups, 50 abs, study 1 daf of gmara, and do 2 brachot on food. (in my physical conditions it is accessible and a little difficult, it takes me 40 minutes, the time that the urge passes). If I did all the protocol then a fall would cost me 50 dollars to put in tsedaka, if I fell without having done the protocol I had to give 1000 dollars to tsedaka. I never fell again since!
During these 90 days, there were two critical phases: First the beginning, the first 3 weeks. This difficulty is used to, I had rarely exceeded 3 weeks but I felt that it was feasible. I watched the custom videos every day, I noted my level of difficulty on the daily check.
And then after those 3 weeks, there was a lull, suddenly I felt good, like liberated, as if it had ended. But it was a trap. From the Day 40 to the Day 50 the temptation came back stronger, I had never experienced this, I thought I was going to go crazy! I couldn’t stand it anymore, I didn’t see the end. Fortunately the only tool at my disposal was the application, and I stayed on the application for 1 hour a day, if not more. And Baruch Hachem it worked. After Day 60, it became much easier, less urge, easier to resist. And since Day 70 I have no more urge at all Baruch hachem. During the difficult period, I was sad to have to leave this "fun" p&m, but today I understand how being free makes me much happier. Yes, a life without P&M is obviously better and meaningful.
I wish it for all of us !  Hag sameah'!

A few thoughts, many of my strategies and responses to urges focus on recognizing that acting out will not help me feel better, but they don't address the reason I have a strong urge. Just seeing a women dressed down doesn't usually created the overpowering pull towards lust, I think there are preexisting emotional tensions which acting out numbs, being triggered just brings the urge to the forefront of my mind. So even if it won't help me long term and I will feel worse after, I still feel tremendous discomfort and anguish right now, and this is the only "medication" available. 
also I had an insight into how this particular problematic\addictive behavior presents a challenge not found in substance abuse (please correct if I'm wrong since I have very little experience with substance abuse), even when P is not available I can always conjure up images in my mind, I am never in a place where I don't have access, it's like trying to quit drinking but always having a small bottle, only a few ounces, in the cabinet.
Trying to remind myself that my goal isn't to be clean for a year, or 2, or 10. I am quitting using P and M forever. I am done using it. It is never coming back into my life.

Reposting with edits, hopefully not too triggering: 

post 1 from a week or two ago: 
post two originally written last night:
I tried to keep it ambiguous and non triggering, while still clarifying thoughts and feelings. Please let me know if you think I should make any further edits, thanks. 

I am going to my parents for the first half of Yom Tov, and plan on sitting with my mother to ask her what happened and to have a conversation about this molestation parsha....

scared of what might come up. 

The truth is hidden from me, and I suspect that this trauma is what kicked off my addiction(s). I've come to realize that addiction (at least for me), is my mind's way of not facing life - especially when it comes to traumatic topics. 

I'm in a headspace where I am ready to face my trauma and work through it... I have no idea what I am opening the door to but I do know that in order to heal, the best way forward is through. 

Please daven for me to have strength and clarity. 

empoweredowl90 wrote on 10 Oct 2024 02:36:

wow i totaly understand you, I alsomthink alot if times, "why is it that you see these otd or irreligious jews have these fascinating stories of a near death situation like a major accident or a illness etc. that cause them to turn around, yet I who keep hashems commandments just i keep on falling with some bad stuff am not worthy of a wake up call? do i need to fall to rock bottom in order to get that awesome wake up call, that i'm so badly craving for {yes that near death situation, so long as i'll end up being a better jew}?"

I dont have a nswer to that, (& please don't tell me that the reason is because i really am good, nooooo i want to be bettttttttter),
but i did happen to come across a sefer {that moreinu harav r` refael shur recommends} its called "darckei noam" from the current slonimer rebbi, where his shmues for rosh hashana is exactly on this topic, he speaks about the "tefilla achas bashana, aka malchius, zicronos, shofros" basically being the solution.

Now to acheive ehat he`s saying there is actually a madreiga, but the bottom line take out from what he`s saying is easily achievable for anyone, basically the point is like lets say a person is driving on a buisy high way and theres traffic, so you try to get off the first exit, while the guy reporting the traffic on the radio is sitting in the helicopter and is laughing at you, cause he sees that the traffic here is just another high way merging, once you pass that your good to go, but if you get off the exit your going to get yourself into much heavier traffic just further down the road.
same thing here when a person really immerses himself in the high holy days and all it has to offer mainly the tefilos which are full of hashems love to jews each and every one baasher hu shum, the main character in the yomim noruim is efraim who is the symbol of the struggling jew as the darckei noam points out there הבן יקיר לי אפרים, אפרים מתנודד, ובאו האובדים בארץ אשור, etc. so therefore he gets a birds eye view of how his year and life should really look like, so he can then strategize with the right kabbullos for the coming year to guide him in the right direction.

now that really is a wake up call, to get a birds eye view and see the full picture of how it should be, and immersing your self and licking and enjoing every second of hashems love to you is better than anything else in the word, its the real "love" we're all so desperatly looking for

whishing you lots of hatzlacha gmar chasima tova and feeeeeel hashems love towards you      

Well today is 2 thank hashem!! on a separate note
I feel like I'm in a spiritual coma(my learning is still good thank hashem).
Ik hashem loves me but i just don't feel it at all.
ik hashem listens to teffilah but i just dont feel it .
Ik hashem controls the world and in particular my life,but i dont feel it.
I could go on but im not going to.I need to be waken up  but i dont know were to go or what to do.
This is a scary thought but i find myself wishing/praying i experience something life changing/shattering to wake me up from this spiritual sleep since it is very painful on the other hand I have a good life so I'm not sure i want anything to change.Another  point i dont think this addiction is the reason(or at least the main reason) for this spiritual coma as i have been clean for over a month and still felt the same.  so if  u tzaddikim have any advice that would be greatly appreciated.Thanks 

From a "sleeping" Bochur.