|
19 Sep 2018 20:24
|
|
mikestruggling
|
Shnitzel and kugel wrote on 09 Sep 2018 03:25:
mazel tov!!
This conversation took place today between my yetzer horag (yh) and yetzer tov (yt)
Yt: wow! Wow!
Yh: what's the wow?
Yt: what do you mean? I just reached 90 days clean today on first try!
Yh: so what? you still had these lusting thoughts from time to time..
Yt: well that wasn't intentional
Yh: but your only clean based on gye's terminology, you still subconsciously look at woman and fantasize
Yt: so what? I didn't act out for 90 days and our action is what we can control, we can't have complete and constant control over our thoughts
Yh: so many guys reached 90 days and still fell, so what are you celebrating?
Yt: tommorow is the future I'm just focusing on the present!
Yh: I still haven't given up on you
Yt: neither have i
Yh: I'll put more effort to get you to fall
Yt: and I'm counter attacking and putting much more emphasis to stay clean.
Yt: just the fact that I'm clean for 90 days consecutively, shows me that I can survive without acting out.
Yt: I'm going to tell everyone that they too can defeat you
Y"h: oh man! He's actually winning me
Y"t: great! Hopefully moshiach comes right away and hashem will shecht you finnaly so we wouldn't have to constantly fight you!
For all those that haven't read my whole thread, I'm a 22 year old single Bochur, non addict and bh just reached 90 days on first try, one day before Rh! Definitely will have a totally different Rh like never before bh!
What keeps me going is,
1) hashem helping me out! (Miracoulsy found gye just over 3 months ago)
2)the huge desire to get rid and to put an end to this after all these years
3) the 90 day challenge, iyh my next goal is to reach 200 days clean (thanks to the advice from hhm)
4) seeing that so many normal people have this struggle and I'm not a low life for having this issue
5) people's inspiration and talking to people
Wishing all of you a sweet clean and happy year!!
Wow wow wow!!!
What a gr8 post. it's inspiring for me to see your obvious work you put in to reach your goal. Hashem should give you koiach to reach your next goal and the one after... until this world finally reaches the ultimate goal
במהרה בימינו
|
|
18 Sep 2018 14:43
|
|
Hashem Help Me
|
There is a lot to comment regarding your post. Time is short, so a little can be addressed now. Firstly, the "need" to ejaculate, whether done in a kosher manner or through masturbation, simply does not exist. We "need" to eat, drink and sleep. We "enjoy" ejaculation, and unfortunately can fall into the bad habit of "thinking we need it", sometimes to the extent of addiction. I use to do it multiple times a day. And also at most inappropriate times - during tikun leil Hoshana Rabba, immediately after the mikva the day of my chasuna, and many other non sensible times. BH I am now clean almost 650 days with a tremendous yishuv ha'daas. Read my thread "My Story and G-d Bless GYE" in the balei batim forum to get a picture what worked for me. Secondly, although this is definitely a kedusha issue, for the sake of recovery, put that on the side. Of course daven to Hashem for help. However as long as you will view yourself as a rasha or loser or tamei person, it is extremely difficult to break free. Hashem recognizes the whole you as a good person. I assume you definitely do many mitzvos each day and obviously have good retzonos - which is why you are here. You are not a hypocrite. If you were, you would not be on GYE. To cement that concept that you really are good it helps being in touch with the various people here. The chevra here are normal frum successful people, shomrei Toah u'mitzvos. And guess what? They used to do all this same garbage. And BH have gotten better. I hope some of what was written here is helpful. Gmar chasima tova. Hatzlocha.
|
|
18 Sep 2018 14:10
|
|
Shnitzel and kugel
|
I'm happy that you are doing well but I refuse to think about sex addiction and yom kippur in the same sentence. I find it counterproductive.
I'm not the first to do so, our great sages did, that's the reason why during mincha on Yom Kippur (highlight of Yom Kippur) we read the parsha of עריות because we always have to remember about these things even when we're so called flying high.
|
|
18 Sep 2018 09:51
|
|
mzl
|
Shnitzel and kugel wrote on 18 Sep 2018 06:55:
What better way to go into Yom Kippur then on the day that I reached 100 days clean on first try!
(I once mastrubated on yom Kippur itself, that's how crazy I was... ) So easy, meaningful and clean fast to all!!
I'm happy that you are doing well but I refuse to think about sex addiction and yom kippur in the same sentence. I find it counterproductive.
|
|
18 Sep 2018 00:48
|
|
ape
|
When you stopped using your "bottle" and got clean, that left a vacuum. It might be good to fill this vacuum with "replacements". Just think of all the great things you can engage in now with all that free time. It's even better to engage in replacements that give you some of that good feeling that you would get from acting out, like exercise, activities that make you feel alive. Addiction is a pathological relationship with something, like a substance or a process. Therefore, make healthy relationships with healthy activities and with people. The opposite of addiction is not sobriety. The opposite of addiction is healthy connection.
So, fill your spare time with healthy activities, and fill the vacuum with healthy connections and relationships.
|
|
17 Sep 2018 22:56
|
|
Michael94
|
I would like to say thanks to all those who replied, I find it guiding on a emotional, practical level.
thank u mr growup for ur well defind description of the LIPROKIM
thanks g-d I found gye before I became addict L'olom (may hashem protect me)
Mr cord, when I first arrived at gye I knew you as cord800 now I know u as cord1234 may hashem bless u to grow to become cord12345...(arichus yomim vshonim tovim, V'rabim yoshiv me'ovon)
|
|
17 Sep 2018 15:40
|
|
i-man
|
Michael94 wrote on 17 Sep 2018 05:16:
Can the chevrah please share some advice, as to what worked for them to cope with the nisayon on the Yom Tov time of the year?
what helps me is to make shabbos and Tom tovmore productive and fulfilling , I've come to realize that if I want it to be like that I need to prepare myself .
-I look up nice things to say
-I try to plan what I will sing
-I sometimes discuss with my wife what she feels will make it more meaningful ,
and similar things like that
(although this comes natural to many including myself I find that it's very easy to get tired, uninspired, etc. preparing mitigates it )
when you feel like your properly utilizing the time and get ulifted you are in a much better place and less vulnerable to fall
Hatzlachah
|
|
17 Sep 2018 14:23
|
|
growup
|
HeyJust a comment on the title of the thread. a Lot of people find this site helpful, when they are going through hard times, so they post a rant, or they wanna make it to 90 days so they use support for a little or some just discovered thus site so they use it to open up the pain and "lost" years of their private lives, these people, come and go, start a thread, usually dont really update it, because they sorta hopefully got what they needed. But many, post here simply because we dont know the specific days or times that hashem will decide we are ready for the next test, and sometimes we are no where near equipped or cognizant of it when it comes, so we are a very weak army battling the y"h who is always ready and 5 steps ahead. So, these people just try to keep in touch with the boyz, they post, chat, phone conference, meet, work on their shalom bias, listen to a shiur, read other peoples lives, check their email, make a phone call etc. all in a successful attempt the gain ammunition for when the "leprakim" come around. The ADDICTS have a totally different battleground, you could always tell from the way they post - what type they are.
As for the y"T question, yes its a gemara and halacha that most litvish are nohaig called bh"B after succos and pesach, not exactly the type of yetzer hara that we deal with here in the gye world, but same field.
|
|
17 Sep 2018 13:20
|
|
cordnoy
|
mzl wrote on 17 Sep 2018 12:18:
Michael94 wrote on 17 Sep 2018 05:16:
Can the chevrah please share some advice, as to what worked for them to cope with the nisayon on the Yom Tov time of the year?
I quit doing tshuva for my sex addiction. I know it's counterintuitive, but the addiction is caused by the philosophy that the acting out classifies you as a reject of society. That's why it feels like you can't stop. Because as long as you feel like that it's not your fault and you get to continue.
II agree strongly with the first sentence. (I don't know enough about the remainder of the post to venture an opinion.) The seforim say like this as well. The books also do. Step zero is to stop! Repentance can come at a later date. Wallowin' in pity can keep us in the same rut.
Godspeed!
|
|
17 Sep 2018 12:18
|
|
mzl
|
Michael94 wrote on 17 Sep 2018 05:16:
Can the chevrah please share some advice, as to what worked for them to cope with the nisayon on the Yom Tov time of the year?
I quit doing tshuva for my sex addiction. I know it's counterintuitive, but the addiction is caused by the philosophy that the acting out classifies you as a reject of society. That's why it feels like you can't stop. Because as long as you feel like that it's not your fault and you get to continue.
|
|
17 Sep 2018 11:21
|
|
Hashem Help Me
|
Most important is to be aware that yom tov and motzai yom tov can be triggering and not to panic when and if urges arise. The thought "How can this happen with such holy days?!" is demoralizing and debilitating. Just knowing that, being prepared and staying calm is half the yeshua. Secondly, many of us have difficulty processing emotional highs. When they are over we itch for the release. Some heavy physical work, a good jog, or similar exercise can replace "other ways" we trained to release in the past. Hatzlocha.
|
|
17 Sep 2018 05:16
|
|
Michael94
|
Can the chevrah please share some advice, as to what worked for them to cope with the nisayon on the Yom Tov time of the year?
|
|
16 Sep 2018 17:45
|
|
stillgoing
|
forging on wrote on 16 Sep 2018 14:40:
.
i also am realizing that my addiction is not too porn at all, it's more about tech in general, and for that reason now I'm thinking that PA won't work for me because I will still be addicted and it won't be focusing on what the main focus really should be for me.
HHi Forge.
WWelcome.
(HHow come my keyboard is stuttering?)
Perhaps some may disagree with me, it seemes to me, that PA, SA, AA, NA, OA, and DA (Doughnuts Anonymous) are all basically doing the same thing, with some minor tweaks to make it more applicable. Many people on gye follow the 'Big Book' even though it was written primarily for Alcoholics. The examples may be different, but the ppoint is the same.
Hatzlacha
Sg
|
|
16 Sep 2018 14:40
|
|
forging on
|
Thank you everyone for your support and advice. I agree that I definitely need therapy. What type of therapist should I go to, someone who specializes in addiction or someone who specializes in emotional traumaI? I'm not sure.
i also am realizing that my addiction is not too porn at all, it's more about tech in general, and for that reason now I'm thinking that PA won't work for me because I will still be addicted and it won't be focusing on what the main focus really should be for me.
|
|