Just about 2 weeks in, hormones finally starting to kick back...
Funny how every time I'm a week & a half in I feel like I'm good forever...

sigh.

Very tough question.
Went to SA last night & 2 things broke my heart:
1 friend walked in, I knew he was divorced, but now I guess I know why...
Another person I shmuessed with after, married over 15 years and never breathed a word about this to his wife. He nebach has to make up stories to get out & RECOVER... kills me to think of spending hopefully many many years with someone you constantly need to lie to & can't truly connect.

Obviously the longer you put off telling, the harder & more hurtful it's going to be. But unless you're issue is not really taking over your life (-ie not really addicted), not telling means living a double-life with the one you should be most connected to. You'll be living with secrecy. Addiction breeds on secrecy.
Obviously I wouldn't tell if I wasn't yet involved in a serious recovery plan (more than just posting on this forum), and wouldn't share all the dirty details either, just the basic struggle.
Telling is hard but getting busted is harder. An addict does risky things & very likely will get busted eventually. Happened to me, & I thought I was an expert in covering my tracks...
:relieved:still married over a year later, went thru rough times but in a much better place now. הודו לה' כי טוב!

Is there such a thing?
Over the past few weeks I dove in full force, busy all day with friends from GYE, friends from PA, friends from SA, therapists, reading the big black book, the almost as big white book, sneaking to meetings, etc etc.
I feel much more like I'm living a double life now than I did before...
Just like before I can't concentrate on work, learning, davening, chatting with my wife, etc.
Anyone ever experience this before?
Are there any Recoverholics Anonymous groups? I'd love to find more groups I can join...

A couple of weeks ago I had a similar self destruct after being 40 days clean - was off from work for a few days and didn’t take the preemptive measures that deep down I know I should have taken. Good to hear that I’m not the only one this has happened to. 87 days and 7 months are both tremendous gains. the 90 day goal is a good goal, but I have found at least for myself that it can be a very daunting and sometimes demoralizing goal especially right after a fall. Some may be able to relate to this, but for many years of being on GYE I somehow convinced myself that I am only a good person if I am at that 90+ day clean mark and if I am not...then I am a very rotten person. Only recently have I been able to make some progress unwinding those thoughts, it started with accepting my flaws and accepting myself for who I am...a lot of self esteem issues...but of course it’s something that I and I’m sure many here have to continue working on. When I get caught up on those questions I ask myself how many days could I stay 100% clean not speaking loshon hara, or exaggerating/lying, or speak arrogantly, or forget to make a bracha rishona or acharona, or miss a minyan...if I’m not clean for 90+ in any of those does that make me a rotten person? I don’t think so...and for those of us on GYE struggling with lust etc, I think it’s healthy to think about this...both for current clean and cumulative clean streaks. 

EscapeArtist wrote on 06 Jan 2019 21:15:

Only you or your sponsor will know for sure. For some, both methods are part of the process.

I agree that I act out when stressed and use it as a mean of coping with problems, but that's not how I got there in the first place.  I do not fit the profile of the first article at all.  I believe since a young age (under 10) I had an overcharged sex-drive, and years of being young and not serious enough to curb it lead to a state of addiction that is now very hard to shake off.

any advice from real addicts out there with some sobriety under their belt? (sorry)
I started both SA & group therapy; but therapy=$$$$$...
Is it necessary if Im doing SA a few times a week?
Thanks

Welcome Escape Artist.

I totally can relate to your post.

Recently I was clean for over seven months.
I was close to a time when I would have a few days off work for the first time in ages, so I was looking forward to some time to get some energy back and do some extra reading etc.

So what happened?
I broke my clean streak just before that!

Inside it is like I press a self-destruct button.

Totally understand what you write about being under pressure when you are forced to do things that you have to do rather than want to do, it is as if you do not get the time off to yourself that you feel you deserve.

That is a big problem for me too, and I know I fall when I am faced with these unwanted commitments.


My plan going forward is to

1 - Minimise these commitments
2 - Reward myself for doing these commitments by having something nice lined up afterwards i.e. a good book, a film, a nice walk, a visit to friend, etc.

Also I can tell you that 87 days is a monumental achievement.
Do not put too much stock in this 90 day time period, I have kept that before and still fallen afterwards.
It is merely a rough guide, it is not a fact that if you are clean for 90 days you will never fall again.
You are less likely to fall, and it is great to embed good habits, but the harsh truth is that all of us on this site will have to take stock every day for the rest of our lives, and remind ourselves every day that we have to be aware of keeping clean that day.

I know, but I think the number that appears near your name when you post is what matters to most people...

Hakolhevel wrote on 06 Jan 2019 01:29:

It shows both numbers on the chart and on your homepage

Hashem Help Me wrote on 04 Jan 2019 05:17:

Or at least have both numbers up there...

Gm guys, today is day 4. 
A summary of yesterday... I had two situations where I was just sitting waiting to Daven and all of a sudden an inappropriate thought randomly creeped up my head. I stopped- squashed the thought and then asked myself “why and how did this even happen”? It’s not like I just saw something or went fishing for dirty thoughts it was totally random? So idk for sure but I told myself it had to be the y”h. He’s chalashing to get me to fall that hell do what even he can to get the ball rolling. Anyways my day bh was a succes in this battle and I won yesterday. 
I did though have my phone in bed to just go through some of my chats that I didn’t get to go through but then put away my phone when deciding to go to bed. 

Bh today is a shorter day so it’s a drop easier however afc I started to feel the withdrawal effects a little today. The reason is Bec im having a huge exam coming up so I’m home studying and just being home alone in the past was never a good thing. So I sat myself and said listen you can’t continue like this and always act when ur home alone... so I went on to the forum and started to read what people had to write and it just killed my whole buzz and I’m back in control. I never liked staying home Bec it always got to me but not today ( I normally should avoid these situations but today is a short day and hard to go to a public place and study) 
my motviatin for today is that I’m looking at just today and what I need to do to get through today so that my addiction can be weakened and enable me to feel proud of myself and not to feel like I’m ungrateful for having a lovely wife and kids. That really bothers me, I’m expected to lead by example for my family ... they look up to me so I gotta be strong and do wtvr it takes to get through today. 
No need to think of ways how to bypass the gedarim Bec there’s no way! I’m not interested in shelling out 150$ again when I’m not the richest person by far. 
Ok im better now... ty guys for listening. Good shabbos 

Please formally request this from the administration here. It is so true what you wrote. Any relief from feeling demoralized is extremely beneficial.

I agree 100%, everything is much simpler when wife is a niddah; both in terms of not having to deal with "kosher arousal", and also the whole real s-x vs. addict s-x frustration; for all those in that סוגיא...
Keep it up! Watching you stay strong gives the rest of us the push to stay strong!

Maybe stop obsessing so much over the little slips. So you took a second glance or enjoyed a conversation a little too much... just say oops and move on. avoid the situations that you can but cut yourself a little slack. Hashem knows that you're only human, He made you that way.