Day 9

So today was really really hard. Couldn't get myself to do anything productive, all I was thinking about was how much instagram photos are lost in cyberspace for ever and how much I wanna go on instagram. It's not as bad right now. I still am clean and have not broken any rules. I need to make it to 90 days to break my addiction (refer to previous posts as to why I have set my deadline to 90 days)

The previous post was reply to @doingtsuva

@OTR
Sorry to hear that. And to answer your question, I do enjoy being clean because I have been able to do some things each day that I never had time for before but that I really wanted to do and I have G-d on my side. And ideally I do want to stay clean like this forever and lead an addiction-free life. But the truth is that I don't think it's possible. You know, I didnt think it was even possible to go more than a week maximum, but 8 days ago I had a sudden feeling of empowerment after being on r/nofap and reading all the science about this stuff so I just went cold turkey and committed to being clean for 90 days! But the key is that in the moment I felt that I could achieve 90 days so I committed to it. And since I believed in myself then, I know that I can complete my challenge. But I never believed in myself for more than 90 days, and until I feel that empowerment, it is not something I can achieve. And I'm not sure if I ever will feel this empowerment but if I do, then I may commit to longer than 90 days.

So I know that I might fall on day 91. But I need to have a deadline or else i don't know that I can make it to 90. My entire motivation for doing this process comes from me needing to do a full "reboot" which takes 90 days. Yes, I'm not a tzadick and if I was truly motivated to do this challenge because of Judaism then going 90 days would seem arbitrary. But as I mentioned before, my main motivation is a secular approach-I need to break my bad habits and stop wasting so much time and being addicted to social media. So to be honest, I don't know where I end up after 90 days, but my goal right now is to only focus on 90 days and conquer it.

you can spend some time on GYE
just be careful not to get addicted to the site

Workingguy wrote on 02 Apr 2019 02:09:

I don't want to spike the ball, but I'm sober now for some time in a long time, because someone told me not to look at myself as an addict. Sometimes the solution lies in the simple, at your feet, not in all the fancy terminology. 

rolemodel wrote on 04 Apr 2019 00:04:

Hey dude. It's inspiring that you are so devoted. I just wanted to let you know my day 90 the first time I ever did that I think, was probably the absoulte worst day of my life. I can't go into details but it was the worst this that ever happened to me. IN anycase I stuck it through and still can not understand why Hashem made that happen to me on a day I was working so hard toward. _ BUt that is up to Him. For me, I held on to sobriety for a good few months aferward I think.. but ultimately fell right back into my old habits. Over the years I gradually grew back and more in sobriety But to be honest the point is more about living sober and clean than about the day  count. Are you enjoying being clean? If not why not? I f yes.. great.. keep enjoying it more adn more.. we do the things we enjoy most often. 

End of day 7

I had an exam and I felt while I was studying for it, and even when I was taking it that Hashem would help me do well because of my 90 day challenge. It's a relieving feeling that I haven't felt for a while. So when i got stuck on the exam I was able to keep calm because I knew I had a guardian. I didn't do as well as I would've liked but I couldve done much worse. 

I still have a perfect streak of not breaking any of my rules (I haven't viewed anything stimulating, masturbated, and a bunch of other rules). I'm gonna get to 90 days so I do a full "reboot" and break my addiction

End of day 6

So during the day, my motivation to do this goes down slightly, but when I come back to this site, it comes back strong. I need to make it to 90 days! I need to break my addiction to instagram (I know i havent broken it yet until i hit 90 days) and to youtube.

I have had so much more time to do what I need. Also, since I have stopped masturbating (not even for a second), I haven't had any urges. I know that I was never able to make more than a couple days without a huge urge to ejaculate, but maybe that was because I was always masturbating.

I feel like I am a new person, and things I couldn't control before and I had lost the battle before I started, I now feel that I have won the battle before I started.

Posted on the evening after petira of Skulener Rebbe zatzal :

As a zchus for the neshomo of the Skulener Rebbe ztzl lets do something extra today to stay clean and help others do the same. This was his battle. Even before technology took center stage, he would publicly beg people to keep immodest publications out of the house, as well as protecting our children's eyes (and our own) in the street. TAG was his creation among many courageous initiatives (Citifield for example) that he took to educate and protect yidden from the dangers of technology and to spread kedusha. He publicly addressed these issues before it became popular to do so.  He also advocated educating younger boys to know what is right and wrong at an age before desire sets in, and explaining how tough it is, which was very novel in his day. Doing so would save many from falling innocently into masturbation, mishkav zachor, etc from simple lack of knowledge that it is assur, and also would open lines of communication for those who were nichshal, thus sparing them the torment of secrecy, anxiety and depression, along with catching it early on before addictive tendencies set in. He was definitely the lochem milchemes Hashem on shmiras ha-bris and shmiras eynayim of our generation.  May he be a meilitz yosher for all of us who are working in these areas, along with all of Klal Yisroel.

rolemodel wrote on 02 Apr 2019 01:40:

Instead of going crazy, accept the reality that it will be tough to break an ingrained habit, and that in the beginning there will be a special challenge of withdrawal. If you come to terms with that and are at peace with the fact that there will be urges, but those urges do not define who you are, you will iyh be able to pull through. Who are you really? A tzaddik who is putting shame and embarrassment on the side and reaching out for help with an issue that unfortunately many people are struggling with. Posting here defines you, not an urge....

OTR wrote on 02 Apr 2019 00:37:

For practical purposes, not for the sake of a philosophical argument- Markz used to, and maybe still does, have a long list of people who succeeded in being sober after a long time. Many who were told, who thought, or who said, that they were addicts.

I went through most if not all of them when I rejoined, and I saw a crazy thing. Many addicts learned they weren’t addicts or got downgraded, and the variety of ways that people became sober was almost as varied as the names of the people.

And yes, some used religion and Mussar. So while I think most of us here agree that Mussar won’t cure true addicts (whatever that means), there is so much variety of definition, and so much variety to who succeeds around here, that I wouldn’t dismiss any method outright.

AlexEliezer, I believe, cured himself through some method with the Arizal’s teachings and some other things. 

I, a former twelve stepper, succeeded for long periods of time by learning that Shmiras Einayim and staying away from triggers works. 

So so by all means, if someone is recommending something that you think is detrimental, stop them. 

But otherwise, I don’t know if you can assume as fact that it doesn’t work. 

And as for the disease model of addiction-it’s one model, and plenty a controversial model. See the Rat Park video, read Stanton Peele and Gabor Mate, and you’ll see that it’s not a given either. 
(And Dov will tell you that it doesn’t work for the addicts, but that way too many people think they are addicts, and that for those people it might indeed work. )

OTR wrote on 02 Apr 2019 00:37:

Pinterest, which I don't have (because I'm such a tzaddik), is filled with recipes for "tool cakes."

End of Day 5

Going a little crazy. I haven't had any major urges since I began the challenge, but I am desperate to have the urge. Like I can't focus because I need the pleasure. And I can't relax because my relax position is with my hands in my pants. I'm also scared for when I do get big urges, because I know that it's gonna take so much self-control to stop it and so much effort. I know ill be able to control myself, but also that it will take a lot of energy. I'm so addicted, I MUST make it to 90 days!

It's been my personal experience as well as that of many on the forum that utilizing Torah and mussar to address and addictive personality is akin to using a drill to bake. Wrong tool for the job. It's not a lack of yiras shomayim. It's an illness of the mind. Are you new here? This is pretty standard knowledge amongst addicts.

Workingguy wrote on 01 Apr 2019 04:52:

I was actually thinking of replying in the same manner, for you are indeed correct as to my intention, but then I said, "who cares?"