sleepy wrote on 17 Sep 2019 08:20:

Someone asked that question in the public chatroom

sleepy wrote on 17 Sep 2019 08:20:

I think Bob Dylan posted it on the public chat. Thank God I didn't respond because I would've gotten censored again.

So how does this really work i was thinking and the obvious answer is for me i dont know but it sure works when i work it. 
The first thing i have to learn is to want to be sober, even when i am desparate to look to be MZL or whatever it is, i have to know that to be sober is alot better than to be addicted - there are so many advantages to it. 
I can be open and honest with my wife, i can look my wife in the eyes and say i love you, i dont have to worry if my work colleagues come behind my computer - all they see now is the GYE Website. I can have a clean conscious going out on the street. Plus there are many more advantages, so if i am desparate i try to think of these advantages and pray to God to take away the power of this fantasy. I hope i am on the right way, it feels better than just to wait till the wave passes - i pray that the wave should pass because then when it comes back it is less powerful.

Not sure that I agree with those who say to get a new RY. It obviously depends on the situation. You have any given us a minimal amount of information so I, for one, am willing to take it at face value - you wont get married. Okay. 

Chazal define actions in many ways. One of those is the split between Bein Odom L'Mokom, Bein Odom L'Chaveiro and Bein Odom L'Atzmo.
The destruction of masturbation is seen by many as B'O'L'M, however, those of us here know that while that is true, it is very much the other two as well. In your case, the B'O'L'C fades out mainly (although don't be fooled that watching porn is harmless, you perhaps don't realise what harm is done to other people by the perpetuation of the industry) but the B'O'L'A is very much there. The self destruction of immorality is very real. The lack of self control, the immersion in one's own gratification and the addiction are all elements that create this. Rav Yonoson David (Rav Hutner's son-in-law) once told me that of the bimmel aveiros chamuros, giluy aroyos is B'O'L'A!

I totally get your fear of not having an orgasm. I cant imagine how unmarried people are able to keep up this battle. To me, they (you!) are mythical men of stature that I don't even stand up to their (your!) feet.
I cant offer advice as I don't know what I would do. All I can offer is what I wrote above - that even if you are living alone, the battle is worth fighting. Wishing you Hatzlocho rabbo - you're fighting the fight at the right time of year. 

How do I feel when I have two options, from which to decide?
And I know what is the right one, deep down inside
"For now  there is no dveikus..perhaps in your life there is sorrow 
"But do the right thing tonight, dear talmid.. Your yeshua IYH WILL come tomorrow
"It is best to stay put- stay status quo
"It is what is in your best interest"..or so I have been told
But alas.. addiction ..atraction ..intense loneliness..fear..
Whispers my fantasy gal..my "night time companion" :
"Come closer my dear!
I will make you feel wanted, guilt free,  and free of your "pursuit of perfection" "Jewish disease
You know sweety ..The lifestyle you tell me which brings you to your knees
She is a confidant strong beauty, warm, aggressive so very charming.. 
So right then I am distorted, of just who I am harming..
My Health. Heart and happiness. My body and soul
Because on this given night: Lust fulfillment, is my only goal
So the fire :SO very hot, burning so very bright 
Providing overpowering sensations, ecctatic delights
And all ties to Torah are severed, when I "jump in"
and let go
Such bone chilling sensations.How I love it so!
But alas all "good' things must come to an end..
And from my drug like joy ride, I abruptly decend
Alas. Intense torturous "burns" on the soles of my feet
Once more I swear: "No more to go through this intense fiery heat !
" Yes this is it self..NO more! This WILL be the very last time"
( A man  of stupidity who can find?")
So the burns are sheer torture! They cover my skin
Such "comfort" to know technically shichvat zerah livatalah is not a sin 
But I have not given up. I am still in this fight.. 
For my soul to know tranquility, and spiritual delights 
Ya know.. maybe way back, I would have known that sexual magic,say, by a campfire and under the light of the moon 
But I couldnt- wouldnt- or mustnt.. for I am an Orthodox Jew
So somewhere deep deep inside. I deny myself a Harlequin like romance
Please please HaKadosh Baruch Hu .. This year..could you give me just one more chance??? 

Sleepy wrote:


End Quote

Do you know the famous story of the lady stranded on her roof during a massive flood. She davened for Hashem to save her and a boat came by. She did not get on though since she was waiting for Hashem to save her. Then a helicopter came to rescue, but she stayed put waiting for Hashem to help... Eventually she drowned. In shamayim she asked "what happened? Why didn't Hashem save me?" To which the reply was, He sent you a boat and a helicopter but you were looking for something else...

Immediately after I started this thread I got nervous that I should have added a question mark to the topic in case I don't make it through bein hazmanim clean. Boruch Hashem that wasn't necessary, and this bein hazmanim was amazing compared to last year when I went all kinds of places that I didn't belong. The only difference between this year and last is that this year I'm on GYE and this forum. I must therefore give you'all here at GYE who have given me chizzuk over the summer a tremendous yasher koach. May you all be zoche to complete freedom from all taava and addiction. I plan to block my internet access for the Zman so goodbye to everyone and I hope to be in touch next time I get access. 

Hello chevra,

I just wanted to give a public yasherkoach to the anonymous person who has been having signs posted around town advertising the amazing work that happens at GYE. It is a huge zechus to share this amazing program that has saved thousands of neshamos (zillions, if you count all the neshamos saved from being brought down with no where to go, if you know what I mean) It should a big zchus for you whoever is behind it!!

I just wanted to ask you if there is a sensitive way you can make it clear that the program has also helped many people struggling with hotzoas zera levatala issues besides internet addiction. I am personally having a tremendous yeshua in this inyan (be"H it should only continue) and so many people can be helped with this, whether or not they also struggle with internet issues. I don't think it is as known that the GYE program also address this issue. Maybe a sensitive way to say it is something like that GYE also helps people with other kedusha challenges, or if that's still to vague maybe its okay to say it straight that thousands are being helped with shemiras habris. Not exactly sure what the best way is, but I think one  way or another it should be clear. So many people struggle with this!

Please keep up your amazing work!!

Ksiva vachasima toiva to all,
Determinedtowin

Some addicts binge in streaks, while some lust everyday.

Some tools work better for addicts, while some aren't necessary for a non-addict. To me it's pretty simple. Try to stop. Really try. Use the tools here on gye. Learn extra musser. Engage with others here about ideas and try them. Really really try. If you've done all that and still can't stop, you're probably an addict. 

Just a side point, being an addict does not mean that one is doomed to a life of misery. It does mean however that one has to be honest about who he is, take the appropriate steps, and not fool himself about half efforts.

Best of luck.
Sg

My Dear Freind 
The hardship at the beginning is the withdrawal pain of the drug you have used which in your case is porn 
But please do remember that what has pushed you all the way to watch porn is still in you and learning in yeshiva by itself by not necessarily  help, the way you describe the past that you stopped and started all the way indicates that addiction to porn is at play and for that the best solution is the 12 step 

every so often on here, the subject "am I an addict?" comes up for discussion.

I agree with the other posters...it is not very relevant.

The key is to know that you can fall any day for the rest of your life, or stay clean any day for the rest of your life.
You do have control.

So learn what triggers your falls, and learn ways to cope when you feel the urge.

And better still, learn how to pre empt the urge, learn the situations that put you in trouble, and take evasive pre emptive action.

Agree.  Maybe now, you can go a couple of weeks, but if there is no changes in this behavior, it can potentially lead to a more frequent and dangerous path.  

what difference does it really make if you fit the dictionary description of 'addict', if you are not in control of yourself than you need to regain yourself again. labeling doesn't change the facts

ad·dict/ˈadikt/noun

1. a person who is addicted to a particular substance, typically an illegal drug."a former heroin addict"

ad·dict·ed/əˈdiktəd/adjective

1. physically and mentally dependent on a particular substance, and unable to stop taking it without incurring adverse effects."she became addicted to alcohol and diet pills"
   from the Oxford English dictionary 

I have periods where I can jerk it every other day and watch some really twisted stuff and then sometimes I can go a couple of weeks without watching. The issue is that when I get the urge I am completely powerless... Even if I subdue it for a day or two, it keeps coming back and impossible to fight. I know addicts generally do it more often than every few weeks but I was wondering if that part doesn't matter and if it's just the fact that I am completely powerless.