I am not really sure that this is the root of the problem. I personally do not hold so much of the psychological approaches. I do agree that this is an addiction and therefore it should be dealt with in this manner, and I agree with you that there are certain "triggers" that set it off,but if we start at the beginning, we see that the ribbono shel olam gave us an unbelievable Taivah. And, we are told to control it!
    It is inherint for us to be attracted to the opposite sex so that we will fulfill the mitzvah of periah v'riviah. Chazal were aware that "Arios" were so severe, and that to keep away from this mikshal, they tried to be mevatel the yetzer harah for arios, just like they did with the yetzer harah for avoda zorah. But, as we learn in the gemorah, even the animals stopped reproducing. (I personally don't see why they couldn't just be mevatel the taivah for the arios without losing the healthy desire to fulfill the mitzvah.) Anyway, this has been known from the time of chazal to be an almost uncontrollable taivah. How many yidden perished in the midbar when midyan sent their daughters there to seduce Am Yisroel, until Pinchas came along to rectify the aveirah. I don't believe that they were all suffering like this Patrick Carnes is talking about, i.e. some chilhood psychological disorder from lack of validation. Chazal do speak about not touching your Amah when urinating, not to walk behind a women etc. Why, because it was known what we are dealing with. So all of us here didn't take their advice, and so things got out of control and became addictive.
  We have so many examples that this is a very difficult taivah to control throughout our history. (Dovid Hamelech-Bat Shevah)(Yehuda-
Tamar) I do believe that in these cases there were/may have been some devine influence as is found with the avos.
    Speaking about free time as a trigger or cause, I remember seeing in the Michtav M'Eliahu (R. Dessler zt"l), that the mind is like a vast empty field. This field will not remain empty. If you do not fill it with good positive thoughts, or busy yourself with something whether it be learning, working etc, the yetzer harah will surely fill all of this empty space. So, if we keep ourselves intellectually busy, there will not remain any empty spaces for the yetzer to fill.
   

After my last post, the moderator of this wonderful forum posed the following question to me:

"What would be really beneficial for us to know is, did you use any specific methods to break free of your sexual addiction or was it simply a very strong determination? Did you use any therapy, group support, medications, specific methods, Rabbanim, Mentors, anything? If yes, please share them with us, and if not, what pratical steps did you take to ensure that you wouldn't go back to your old ways?"

OK, I will try and respond to this as best I can.

My initial reaction to your first question was to say that it was simply a strong determination. But on further introspection, I realized that to say that would not be 100% true. Fact is, I did have a very strong determination to stop. But much like a smoker's determination to stop smoking, the determination alone didn't translate into stopping! Since I was about 11 or 12 years old, I was a very curious boy. This curiousity led me to various bad places, which had very negative effects on my life. Sure, it started slowly and subtly, but before I knew it I was intimately familiar with my bris, and was an expert at pleasuring myself in all different places, in various different methods, and at all times of the day and night.

Though at the time I began masturbating I had no idea I was transgressing a sin (or at least I didnt have an idea of the severity of the sin, and how Iwas ruining  the Kedusha in my body and for the future generations that were to come from me), still it became second nature to me, and by the time I was mature enough to know that what i was doing was terrible, it was too late (or so I kept telling myself)

Yes, I was determined to stop. No, my determination alone wasnt strong enough for the over two decades that I fought this horrible addiction.

Deep in my heart, I knew that I had to grab the bull by the horns and stop this! I knew it just wasn't the way to live my life. It was having a negative effect on my life in so many different ways, but I still felt trapped by it and continued living  that dark and secret life.

My family, my wife, my friends, my co-workers, and everyone that knew me, all thought I was a normal, healthy, religious guy with perhaps a "fun streak" in me, but none of them in their wildest dreams would ever imagine that I was a person with dark demons deep within me, who posessed me down to the core of my soul!

Noone would have ever dreamed that I was aperson capable of bowing to the whims of those demons, regardless of what they asked of me!

I think they would all fall off their chairs if they ever knew that i spent many hours a day engrossed in my darkest desires and steeped in  the lowest of the low places. It wasnt enough for me to simply masturbate every now and then (which is bad too).  No, I had to have every sinful fantasy of mine fulfilled! At first it was the chatrooms, where I got to know likeminded women who were also entrapped by their Yetzer Hara.

First it was cybersex. that blossomed into phone sex. From there I graduated to meeting women in the flesh. one thing led to another, and one woman led to another, and my life was consumed with real, hardcore sex affairs!

Nothing was taboo (I am embarrassed even to write these things, but as I said previously, if my story can help even one other Yid, it will have been worth writing it)

Most of the women  I was with (besides the last woman I was with, for whom I had real , not just sexual, feelings for, yet  have no contact with anymore since I started doing Teshuva)meant nothing to me, other than being a  vehicle for me to fulfill a sexual fantasy.

Each time I sinned, I knew it was wrong. Deep down , I wished I could stop, but I rationalized it, and blamed one thing or another for my faliures, and continued doing it.

I even asked G-d on more than one occasion to help me stop (but, in retrospect I realize that those prayers werent totally sincere, as they were not for the right reasons). yet, I continued becoming an even bigger sinner.

On the outside, I looked like a typical religiuos Jew, but on the inside I was fast approaching the 50th level of impurity, from which there is no escape ( even though according to the Ohr HaChaim and others, after Matan Torah, there is ALWAYS a way out of Tumah, even if one reached the 50th level. So nobody out there think that they are beyond Teshuva!)

I did not seek therapy, medication etc. , as I don't think they would have helped me. Every person needs to know what works best for them, and for many people therapy, medication, group support etc. is imperative, and they should indeed pursue those options if they find themselves G-d forbid in such a predicament.

As far as I am concerned, and I think I know myself very well, the only thing that works for me specifically is to combat Tumah with Tahara.

I knew from past experiences, and from past chapters in my life, that whenever my situation of Tahara (i.e. Torah study etc.) was elevated, my Tumah wa weakened.

After I found myself After G-d placed me at the crossroads, and i found myself having to confront my demons, that I have been hesitant (or perceived as unable ) to confront, I went on a drive to clear my mind.

I shut the radio. I was driving in silence, but my mind was filled with noise. Very loud noise.

My mind was racing with all sorts of options for the path I would take for the rest of my life.

Was I ready to give up sin?

Would I survive a life without masturbation and illicit sex?

Would I manage to never again watch TV or movies?

Was I ready to finally commit to Hashem after all these years for real?

Would Hashem even accept my Tefilos and my teshuva? I was after all a soul that was filthy and ruined.

Would I have the guts to tell the woman I was "in love with" that i would never speak to her again?

My mind was hoping for the answer to all of the above to be a resounding "YES", but the Yetzer Hara (who of course came along with me for the drive) was tapping me on the shoulder and trying to tell me to just give it all up, and forget Hashem, and go live a "good" life of sin.

I cried like a baby on that car drive.

I listened to some wonderful CD's of Rabbanim discussing Teshuva etc., and it felt as if they were talking directly to me and giving me the courage to go with what i always wanted deep down in the depths of my Neshama.

By the time that drive was over(it was many, many hours of driving) I had made my decision, and there was no turning back.

I came home and went directly to my computer, and deleted  any email addresses, blogs, or other accounts that I had that were in any way related to sin.

I slowly started purging my home of any influences of sin. I got rid of Movies, magazines etc.

I started davening with Kavanah, and I started learning a lot of Torah (though it is far from enough)

I installed a filter on all my computers, and started seeking out sites of interest to replace the sites of sin that used to fill my down time. (which is how I found this site, Baruch Hashem)

One thing i will tell you, which is how the Yetzer Hara tries to re-trap us back into his miserable world of sin, dont assume just because a website is "Jewish" that it is kosher! It is far from the case. many "Jewish" sites are full of Lashon Hara, lack of modesty and no Torah ideas. Just be careful, and verify before  surfing.

When I walk the streets, i try to the best of my ability to not look at any immodestly clad women (unfortunately this isnt easy today, as many of our dear sisters, daughters of Hashem go dressed worse than the non jews, and cause many people to sin. ay Hashem cause them to see the error of their ways and do teshuva)

Am I perfect? Not by any stretch of the imagination! However, I do aim for perfection, and that is what our task on this world is, to try our best to do what hashem wants us to do, and not be discouraged my the naysayers (who often  are our best friends)

The main thing to remember is a) to never trust yourself totally (as the Mishna says) and alway be on the lookout for the Yetzer Hara's new trap and b) Hashem loves us more than we can ever love him (so says Rav Moshe Chaim Luzatto), and he wants us to do Teshuva and will wait our entire lives for us to do it.

I am sure that many people who know me (or those who I no longer allow to know me) say that i went mad! Perhaps.

But I will take being mad and following in Hashem's path anyday over being "normal" and following in the Yetzer Hara's path.

May Hashem give me (and all of you reading this) the inner strength to persevere, and be amongst the select few who merit to join Mashiach  in the rebuilding of the Bais hamikdash and the glorification of Hsshem's name very soon

What would be really beneficial for us to know is, did you use any specific methods to break free of your sexual addiction or was it simply a very strong determination? Did you use any therapy, group support, medications, specific methods, Rabbanim, Mentors, anything? If yes, please share them with us, and if not, what pratical steps did you take to ensure that you wouldn't go back to your old ways?

Hi all,

Just a short post to wish all my friends a Good Shabbos. I was fortunate enought to have a phone conversation with yidvre last night who explained to me how the phone in works. Unfortunately, I would not be able to participate as it takes place usually 3am my time in the UK!

He told me that he would mention this to other recovering addicts at his next phone in on Tuesday and hopefully put me in touch 1-2-1 with other guys and we could relate, help, support each other.

Until then, what can I say? Some days i'm stronger than others.... Some hours pass by easier than others.... One thing is for sure, The Yetzer Hara is working over time during the 9 days and it takes super human resources to overcome his devious ways and tactics.

So, in this week Parsha, we say "Eicha Esah Levadi". I would like to suggest that in addition to the poshut peshat, another thought is "how can i carry this burden of guilt/addiction/sin alone?" The answer is, that we cant manage on our own. We need each other to help one another climb out of this mess and if we all stick together and help in each others problem by the various means available, we will all prevail in the mother of all battles in beating the Yetzer Hara.

Good Shabbos and may Tish'a Be'av this year be the last in exile and may we look forward to the coming of Moshiach sppedily in our days. Omain!

Menachem

In the not too distant past, I used to belong to the Yetzer Hara. He knew he had a trusted friend in me, and he didn't have to worry about how to get me to sin. All he had to do is put the thought in my head, and there I was standing erect (pun intended)ready to sin!

It's not that i didn't know better, as i was raised in a very religious household and I knew exactly what was right and what wasn't. I just pretended that I had no choice, and that the Yetzer Hara had a grip on me that I couldn't get out of. So, as time went on I didn't even bother fighting, I just went along with him.

It started with small things and turned into a total disregard for Hasjem and his Torah: Coming late to shul turned into not going to shul at all. Eating without a Bracha turned into not davening at all.  Sneaking a peek at an attractive female turned into a full blown sex addiction.

Soon enough, my entire day was consumed with sinning!

I woke up in the morning, didnt bother washing my hands or davening, and ate a nice breakfast without washing or bentching.

On the way to work i would listen to the most vile radio stations I could find, and often masturbated in my car in traffic, just for the thrill of it! (yes, I was very bad)

At work I would check out  various websites that should never be seen by anyone, let alone a religious Jew! I would lie, steal and cheat just to get what I wanted! My entire day was consumed with pleasuring myself, and not a moment was spent thinking about Hashem.

The only time I went to shul was on Shabbos, and even then i spent my time there shmoozing and speaking Lashon Hara, and did not bother to respect the sanctity of Hashem's house of worship.

I can go on and on,, but I think you get my point: I was dressed like  jew, but my heart was the heart of a sinner and my actions were the actions of a sinner; I was a sinner. Kosher  meant nothing, Shabbos meant nothing, Taharas Hamispacha meant nothing etc. etc.

I did not sin to anger Hashem, rather out of the pursuit of what I perceived to be pleasure.

Each time I transgressed a sin of a sexual nature (be it myself or with someone else)  deep in my heart I regretted it, and had no real pleasure from it afterwards, yet I was too weak to truly change my ways and become a different person. On many occasions I resolved to change and become the good Jew that i knew I could be, but that resolve usually disippated and I remained the same old sinner that i used to be.

Then something happened one day (which I am still not ready to relate here, but hope to eventually) that in retrospect i see was hashem's way of giving me an ultimatum:

"My dear son" Hashem said (his is how I perceived it) " You must make a decision now and repent for good  become the good son that I know you can be, or your life from today and on will be a miserable hell and you won't be able to walk the streets out of shame and embarrassment"

That day I was totally torn as to which way to go. I was debating  giving it all up, and going to live a life devoid of Torah and Mitzvos, but also devoid of any true happiness of family, friends and truth; that would have been the easier decision at the time!

Baruch Hashem, Hashem gave me the fortitude to choose the other path, the path of truth. It was not easy. It was not without pitfalls. It was not without pain and suffering. But I did it! I truly regretted everything bad I had done in the previous 20 years of my life. I regretted the fateful decisions I made in transgressing the fundamentals of Yiddishkeit.

I accepted many guidelines upon myself, and perhaps some things are perceived as radical, but I had no choice but to make a sharp turn. A turn inthe right direction.

One day I went into a private room and recited the long Vidui of Rabbeinu Nissim, which enumerates hundreds of sins. I was crying like a baby as I realized that I have transgressed nearly each and every one over and over again!

I was a sinner. But no more!

The Yetzer Hara tried to convince me that I was hurting people by turning my back on them. (This may have been true, that I in fact hurt the feelings of the (mostly) women that I was involved with in one way or another in various relationships of Aveira by simply disappearing from their lives). I recognized it as a ploy and didnt fall for it Baruch Hashem.

I am rambling, and I apologize for that.

Let me end by saying that I am far from where I need to be, but Baruch Hashem I am very far as well from the low point where I was, and I will never ever allow myself to fall to those depths of hell again.

The main thing that I think we all can agree on is that the only way to grow spiritually is to learn more Torah, daven more, do as many mitzvos as you can, and lean on each other (because no one else understands us) for chizzuk and friendship.

Chazak V'Ematz to all! May Hashem keep us strong and steadfast in our ongoing battle against the Yetzer Hara!

Hi Snax and Admin

I appreciate your words of chizzuk. You are right, after falling at the 1 week stage I do feel a whole lot better going on for longer and more confidant that I will manage better from now on. It gives me great strength to learn that there are genuine happily married men that also suffer from this but have overcome somewhat their demons and are on the way up.

Obviously this is probably the most taboo subject in heimishe circles and the most embarrassing subject to be discussed openly, however, like all addictions, there exist support groups and anonymous relate meetings etc. I think this website is a real first in this field and I hope that others who have this problem (c'mon lets be real, most frum men have this problem on some level, the question is how many like to admit it, never mind talk about it) can benefit from it.

I think the next step for me is to join the anonymous phone in so that I can share my problems with others and hopefully learn from their experiences. I genuinely feel that I’m a recovering addict who is turning to whoever understands my plight for chizzuk. To this end, the daily chizzuk email is a real boost and helps me throughout the day,

I can write and talk for ages and ages about this subject but now isn't the time. I've taken upon myself to learn a few lines of Mesilas Yeshorim every day after shacharis - this helps to set the tone a little for the day ahead.

I suppose, ultimately, I would love to talk anonymously to another frum/heimishe married man 1-2-1, build a kind of relationship with him where we could share in each others growth and chas ve'sholom in each others slip ups. I'm from the UK but wouldn't mind talking to anyone who is interested....

To all my fellow teireh yiedden, at this stage, I just want to end by a thought that I had on Shabbos. The possuk of "Acheinu kol beis yisrael, hanesunim batzoroh ubashivyah" doesn’t necessarily refer only to those unfortunate yieden in danger in Sderot and Kiryat Shmoneh etc. It’s referring to US TOO! I’ts referring to those of US 'happily married with comfortable houses and decent standards of everyday living'  who are enslaved and embittered to the terrible tzoroh of the yetzer horah who entices us daily with his snarling long reaching tentacles that cause us to be mashchis zerah.......

We beseech from Hashem, Hamkoim yerachem aleihem (US) ve'yoitze'aim me'tzarah lirvacha - Dear Hashem, have mercy on us and tear us away from this terrible tzarah, me'afaila leoirah - from this terrible daily darkness and emptiness to the wonderful light of your shechinah, umishib'ud lig'eulah  - and take us from the shackles of the empowering yetzeh horah to the freedom of serving You with a clean heart, Hashtah, ubizman koriv ve'noimar Omein!

Menachem

There are a few things you need to know as you start out on your journey to recovery, sobriety and new found freedom in your life.

The first thing you need to know is that the phenomenon you are dealing with is not necessarily because you were born with larger desires than other people and can't seem to be able to deal with them. Rather, you are dealing with a strong "addiction" which was built up over the years. Yes, it may be true that G-d led you into this because of sins from previous gilgulim and because you had a great tikkun to make. But don't look at it as if you have stronger desires than others, but rather that you were led by G-d into a strong addiction. It is important to understand this because once it is recognized as an addiction; it can be dealt with in many tried and proven ways and methods.

There are two prerequisites to being helped.
1) You must truly believe you can be helped (reading the recovery stories on our site can help you with this)
2) You must truly want to be helped.
The fact that you have taken the first steps means you already have mainly these two conditions - but they must be strong and finely tuned.
Take heart. Haba Le'taher, Mesayin Lo.
Be ready to give your addiction and disease over to the care of G-d. Be ready to trust G-d that he will care for you, as you heal.

Know, that the first few weeks are the hardest. Once you have put some distance between yourself and the addiction, it gets a lot easier.

And, like mentioned above, it would be very helpful for you to join the weekly hotline for 1) group support, 2) therapy by professionals and 3) accountability.

Let's be honest, what is the root of this terrible disease? Our computers. How can anyone sit opposite a computer with the entire world at their fingertips, and not stray away.
  I personally fell into this about 12-13 years ago. In fact,when I found out what was available in 'the privacy of my home', I ran out and bought a computer.(I didn't even have money for it). I was able to vent my yetzer hara in the privacy of my home. I tried stopping year after year. The truth is, many times I did avoid the computer for 4-6 weeks at a time, and even a few times I went a few months at a time, but I do not need anyone to pat me on my back. Why?  It wasn't due to my tidkus. It wasn't due to my struggling and overpowering my yetzer. NO, there were just times that I actually overdosed with porn, until I couldn't stand looking at it any more. I was exhausted with staying up until the wee hours of the morning and feeling terrible the next day.So, I did stop......until the next time when the desire would return. This went on over and over again for years.
    I installed a very good computer filter, but I was only playing games. I knew that it really wouldn't help when I was the one with the secret code. How many times I put that code in and went full steam ahead until 3-4 in the morning.
  I knew that if I had the code for my porn filter, I would have NO chance of success. Yet, I was scared to death that if I did not have the code, (like giving it to my wife), then when the urge came, and I would not have that outlet that  I had for the past 13 years, what would I do?  The urge and temptation was so strong that I thought about it, and I came to the conclusion that I might even die without this outlet. Or, I was afraid I might do something even more severe and lose control and do something irresponsible outside. I knew that this was an addiction as strong as drugs, and we all know that drug addicts who can't get their fix, they will do almost anything.
  So, I was really frightened that if I cut off my access to my computer, in the end it would be even more damaging. I was afraid of this unknown.
  I spoke to the one above several times about this, and I came to the conclusion that I cannot continue like this. Even if I have to die, I cannot expect to get out of this filthy hole while still providing myself with access to porn. I also knew that Hashem did not want me to die, and this was a step that he was waiting for me to take.
  So......I did it.  My wife put in the code. Then I went into the internet and began looking for all types of loopholes that the filter did not take out. For example yahoo groups (which are not considered sex by the filter, but there is plenty of it there if you look). There were alot of sex groups there with plenty of pictures etc that I had to add to the delete list. I continued to add more sites, and then I could feel my self over the weeks to start my eventual  downfall, I knew that if I didn't put in all of the xtra sites, then in my state of eventual weakness, I would surely go there and indulge.
    The bottome line:  There is still so much filth on the internet that even the best filter cannot remove. But, B"H at least all of the porn sites are not accessable. As far as the sexually suggestive sites, we do still need to fight to go up. This is what Hashem wants from us.

I have struggled with this horrible addiction for close to 20 years! I have tried to stop in the past, but never managed for more than a week at a time. I was at a point where I was a Jew only in name and outer appearance, but not in practice and in depth of heart. I was at a point where nothing was disgusting for me! My mind was pure filth. I masturbated almost daily. I chatted with as many likeminded females as I could find to help me in sin. The level of how low I have gone is shameful beyond description, and perhaps in a future post I will describe in more detail how low the Yetzer Hara made me stoop.

I will not go into the whole story now, but Hashem orchestrated  a whole sequence of things that brought me to a crossroad in my life. I had to choose a life of Torah and closeness to Hashem or a life of embarrassment, faliure, dejection etc.

Baruch Hashem I was able to choose wisely and am now free of my addiction for close to 6 months. I am davening again.  I am connecting with my soul. I am learning Torah again. I am living a life of Torah. I am trying to spread  the ways of the Torah as well to the best of my ability.

(The way I see it: If I was able to use my gift (from Hashem) of persuasion and charm etc. to entice others to sin with me, should I not use those same gifts now to try and persuade and entice people to the beauty of the Torah!)

I am trying my hardest to do Hashem's will ,and he is giving me the strength to become a better person,  a better Jew, a better husband and a better father.
One of the key things that I did was to give up watching ANY movies or listen to ANY radio stations! It is all filled with znus oriented stuff! When i am in the car I listen ONLY to torah tapes. Without the words of Torah the struggle is impossible to overcome! IMPOSSIBLE!!!

I hope to share more details of my struggle with this forum in the coming days. If I can help even one person become a better person, as I have, it wll be worth the effort!

If anyone feels that I can be of assitance to them privately, please feel free to contact me privately  anytime.

Chazak V'Ematz!

Dear Crakerjak,

We are with you in this struggle. The first few weeks are the hardest. See here. Once you have put some distance between yourself and the addiction, it gets a lot easier. Read the tips on our site - one or two a day, join the chizuk list, join the anonymous telephone hot-line. Don't just assume you'll be able to overcome it all on your own. It is not easy, and group support is very important.

May G-d give you strength!

Kol hakavod that you managed to stay off the addiction for 100 days! I am going strong now for over a week and i'm finding it really difficult. there have been so many times when i've just thought of doing it just once but somehow i manage to restrain myself. when i read your post stating that you've held out for 100 days, it gives me strength, belief and resolve to go on.
My mind has become tormented by all the images that i have seen and all the streaming videos that ive watched. When i walk the streets, especially in this weather, i feel like a caged tiger when i see all the stunning women and girls walking around. i dont know how, but recently i have been really good in controlling myself not to look.
i hope it lasts!!
Chazak ve'ematz
Menachem :D

Some practical advice for those who struggle with this problem.

1) Understand that this is an addiction - like cocaine. However, also understand that you're strong enough to break its hold over you.

2) Decide to make a stand! To fight it, and resolve to never give up - even if you slip up once in a while. If you look at it like eating pork, and how it defiles you - it will help to galvanize your will.

3) Take each day, one at a time. Don't worry about next week. Don't even think about tomorrow. Just push through the day. You can go weeks, p-orn free like this. It gets much easier after the first few weeks, but beware, the urge can become seemingly overpowering without warning - no matter how long you have been pure. Just push through it. Don't give in! Focus on some other important topic, and in a few minuets the urge will subside.

4) Important!

Step A: Take all of your downloaded pictures of pretty females, and burn them to a disk. Label it 'corrupted old programs'.

Step B: Delete all of the above pictures from your hard drive. All of them! (And resolve not to visit any more p-orn sites. A filter will help. One reason for creating the CD, is that most addicts will never be able to get rid of the p-orn without having first made a copy.) Now if you feel the urge, these photographs/vids will not be a mere mouse click away. You will actually be forced to take the time to search through your cds, select it, and then place it in your drive. This will not be whimsical act - a quick peek, but rather a deliberate action on your part to break your holy vow. This gives you the needed time to reconsider your actions.

Step C: Throw away your training wheels. When you have gone one month without looking at po-rnograghy, destroy the CD that contains your pictures.

5) You're free! Now resolve to stay that way. The above advice worked for me.

The fact that you were able to stay clean for over 100 days and put such a distance between yourself and the addiction, this is very powerful. With this knowlege, you will never be able to go back to your old self again. Also the fact that you didn't go all the way even when you fell, shows you have great inner strength!

Don't let the fall of the past week get you down. You haven't slid back to first base, you are still just where you were before. Only you have to get up, brush yourself off and continue the journey. Sometimes heaven makes a person fall so that they should get back up and become even stronger than before.
 
I don't know if pre-cum is as serious as real semen. I don't think it contains actual sperm cells but I am not an Halachic authority. In any event, this is besides the point. It is the 'porn watching' which is the root of the problem, and it is those types of behaviors that are truly addictive and dangerous to your soul. Also, bringing oneself to an erection intentionally is seen as very serious in the eyes of our Sages.

But it does not matter anymore. The you of yesterday is not the you of today. What was, was. Jewish philosophy and Chassidus teach that a Jew has to look at the past and future as out of their hands. Whatever was already, G-d wanted to happen. Only the present is in our hands. For more explanation on this seemingly strange concept, see here.

To make sure you don't fall again, try to learn to guard your eyes everywhere you go. Not just on-line, but even in the street. Shmiras Ainayim can take years to perfect, so be patient. Every time you turn away from something bad, it is like you are putting a coin in the box. Even if you fail many more times that day, that coin remains. When the box is full you will have perfected your Shmiras ainayim. And I can't tell you what great reward awaits those few, select people on this world today who have overcome this great battle. You will be worthy to behold the Shechina when Moshiach comes and in the next world!

Keep posting your progress on this forum so we can give you encouragement and be encouraged as well

This forum's goal is to provide a platform of recovery for believing Jews who finds themselves struggling with pornography addictions, addictions to masturbation or other sexual problems. Here, one can post anonymously about their struggles with shmiras ainayim, shmiras habris or sexual addictions of any type, without fear of anyone finding out who they are.

Get advice and tips from the experts who will be monitoring this blog, as well as from fellow strugglers who will be able to offer encouragement and ideas about what worked for them.

May Hashem be with us all on our journey to Recovery, Nachas Ruach and Teshuvah!