Our addiction (YH) tells us that we can do Teshuva by passing by places we used to go, just to say we passed by and didn't go in again, or didn't meet that person again.  But this is a setup, because when you do it enough times you will go back to it.

Its like this story in 6 chapters:

Chapter 1: I walk down the street, I see a hole, I fall in.
Chapter 2: I walk down the street, I see a hole, I fall in, I get up.
Chapter 3: I walk down the street, I see a hole, I walk around it.
Chapter 4: I walk down the street, I see a hole, I cross to the other side.
Chapter 5: I walk down the other side of the street
Chapter 6: I walk down a different street.

This is the story of recovery... setting boundaries, falling sometimes, getting back up, keep going but not pushing it.

Hi All,

It appears to me that you may be a sexaholic (sex addicts) like me, and will never get cured. This is a mental illness and it only gets worse. The only option for me is to "work the twelve steps" and today B"H I am sober now for about 1000 days.

Hi All,

It appears to me that many of you may be sexaholics (sex addicts) like me, and will never get cured. This is a mental illness and it only gets worse. The only option for me is to "work the twelve steps" and am sober now for about 1000 days.

What's with a reliable filter? Believe me Lev tahor, you don't want to go down the path of addiction. It's pain, pain and more pain, until life becomes unmanageable. We can help you at that stage too, but we don't want you getting there. PLEASE take the advice of the tips on the site. Install a strong filter, maybe use vows to punish yourself with various painful things if you fall, or before you allow yourself to fall.

This whole struggle is in the mind. Once a good filter is in and you have various punishments you will have to do, the mind let's you be free of this and it becomes 100 times easier.

Dear whatsitcalled,

The 12 steps are about connecting with Hashem on a new level. Please read yesterday's chizuk e-mail on this page. Scroll down to #319.

You know, you shouldn't think of this struggle as a "problem" that you "unfortunately" have to deal with. It was given to you by Hashem so you can GROW! This is your opportunity to come close to Hashem, that is why he gave you this struggle. He is calling you, he wants YOU. And this is one of the reasons you came down to this world. Hashem wants you to use this struggle with sincerity, as a "spring board" to come closer to Him. He has given you the "spring board", all you have to do is JUMP on it. And if you fall, G-d forbid, you just gather momentum for a higher jump next time.

Now to address the practical side.

If the computer you are using is your parent's, don't be afraid to ask them to put in a filter. They will respect you for it. See this page of our FAQ.

Please join our chizuk list, get yourself a partner, read the tips on the site and keep posting on this forum for some great group support, which is a vital ingredient in breaking free. I would also encourage you to join the anonymous phone conference that meets on the phone once a week. For the importance of a partner, see here. To get a partner, we can help match you up. Download this questionnaire in "Word" format, fill it out and e-mail it to us to help us find you the most appropriate partner for your situation.

There is no such thing as giving up. Please work hard on stopping now, before this becomes a full blown addiction. You don't want to go down that path. It just spirals downward into more and more pain until the person's life becomes unmanageable. We have ways to help anyone break free, no matter how far they have fallen. But we don't use a tank to fight sticks and stones, therefore I suggest you start with the tools that this site has to offer, and with determination and by accepting that ONLY HASHEM CAN HELP YOU, you will succeed.

The tools on our network include:
• The "Daily Chizuk List",
• The "Jewish Healing Group",
• A live hotline,
• Hundreds of tips; tips of our own, from therapists, from other sites and from fellow strugglers
• An active and thriving forum – perhaps our most powerful tool (group support)
• Sign up for a partner / Sponsor
• Many stories of recovery,
• An elaborate FAQ page,
• Over 20 filter options, and everything you could want to know about filters,
• Important links,
• A section on the 12 steps,
• A "Kosher Isle" to help people find entertaining and more productive things to do with their time.

Rabbi Twerski once defined for me "addictions" as any behavior that you know is bad for you and that you want to stop, but somehow you keep falling back into it (even if there are great spaces of sobriety in between).

Lev Tahar: Hatzlacha Rabba in your amazing chessed project. May that be a zchus for your own battles.

Guard: I never thought I was "addicted" to .... and I still am not convinced, but regardless, I think I am addicted to this websight. Every time I get on the computer this forum is the first place I turn. (Perhaps that means I am in fact addicted to ... but who knows.)

Thanks for spending what must be every minute of your time giving us the chizuk that you do.

Chasdei Avos

Hi

Like you, I am a greatful recoveing sex-addict.

Giving tzdaka, fasting, praying, tikunim, learning, etc. I did it all but nothing helped untill I realized that I am sick (ein adom chote eloh eim kain necnes bo ruach shtus) porn, masturbation, cybersex, prostitution, etc. are all a mental obsession which I got my self into it and once hooked can not stop, as chazal say "aad she'naase olov melech". This is the job of the yetzer hora to get people hooked so he ownes them for life...

Giving Tzedaka while not realizing that it is Hashem who helps not the zechusim is like a toyval v'sheretz byado. A person must know that nothing, absalutly nothing happens without Hashem. He enabled us to get into this by giving us the bechirah and he can take us out of this.

The only option is prayer, davening, davening, and davening. Also, all of us have may things that can trigger us like people things and pleaces. We must know it by heart and ask hashem for help to avoid these things at any cost, otherwise our life is in danger. If does not no matter how much tzedaka you give, one day you will be back out there and go down the scale so fast you could never imagine...

JW8,

What courage you have to post your story!

So much of what you write reminds me of myself at your age. Please feel free to contact me privately anytime, and I will try and "compare notes" a little to help you.

Chazak  V'Ematz!

This is so true!

So much of what the non Jewish world has accepted as "matter of fact" and "normal" news is 100% Assur for any Jew to be listening to, looking at or thinking about.

I personally have stopped listening to the radio and I have stopped reading secular newspapers and "news" magazines. Period.

I know not everyone can do that, and each person needs to do it at his/her own pace.

But just know that the Yetzer Hara's major tool against us is the media. No matter how innocent it looks, it is poison for all Jews, especially for us struggling with sexual addictions, masturbation and impure thoughts.

You don't need these media to get the news. There are plenty of frum websites that offer the same news, and leave out the garbage.

YOU CAN ALL DO IT!!! IT WILL TOTALLY UPSET THE YETZER HARA! (ISN'T THAT A GREAT INCENTIVE?)

Chazak V'Ematz!

Thank you for your reply (and the posts in jw8's thread)! I'm very painfully aware that I'm addicted to a significant degree, although it's a bit puzzling to me that in the past I haven't have a harder time whilst in Yeshiva. (I've also only rarely struggled with certain personal 'no-goes' like using my credit card for age verification (once I was old enough...) - although that isn't very limiting at all nowadays. On the other hand, I never was able to commit to any *moral* limits (in terms of perversions that were just 'too far' to contemplate), and things like promises never felt like they'd really deter me - although I haven't ever actually formalised a Neder in this direction.) Apparently if it is just totally not an option, I'm fine, but as soon as there is any hint of availability, I end up tracking it down and finding the crack in the system. Indeed, last week was a lesson in "Al Tiftach Peh l'Soton" for me, as I spent basically the whole Thursday night/Friday doing things I would never have imagined myself doing in Yeshiva. I'm not so surprised actually (which probably made my resistance beforehand much lower than it should have been), as almost every time I've slipped it's been at least a few days of false starts before I've gotten back on any kind of track - and this time, having only slipped the day before leaving home, I was still especially vulnerable. Now, after a good Shabbos, I feel much more 'on-track' and in control of myself, and I expect this coming week should be much better (though of course I know I can't let my guard down, which is why I'm forcing myself to post here before going to sleep).

I do have K9 on my laptop, but I've always come up with excuses, and have never yet had the internal strength to give the password to someone else. This site might just give me the impetus. There is also a tracking program on the laptop (Yeshiva officially requires it, although most Bochurim don't have it), but I'm pretty confident that it's rarely if ever checked. (The person the Yeshiva assigns to check the logs for all the Bochurim, is already busy enough.)

Dear Lev Tahor,

Welcome to our forum and site. You have come to the right place.

The first thing you need to know is that the phenomenon you are dealing with is not because you have huge desires and can't seem to be able to deal with them. Rather, you are dealing with an "addiction". It is important to understand this because, as an addiction, it can be dealt with in many tried and proven ways and methods. You may say that you don't believe you are really addicted. The definition of an addiction is any behavior that a person tries to stop many times and he knows that it goes against what he believes and what he wants for himself, yet he keeps falling back to it.

The fact you were able to stay clean for long periods shows you have strength and you won't be able live with yourself comfortably ever again if you don't break free of this all the way.

I believe you can learn a lot from the story and the answers that were just posted on THIS THREAD in the forum (click on the words "THIS THREAD"). Read carefully the story and the replies. I just finished posting a long reply there, and I believe much of what I wrote there applies to your case as well - although thankfully you haven't gotten as addicted as he yet. But you will soon, if you don't stop now. Addictive behaviors are downward spirals. A person loses control more and more, if they don't stop early on. And that is why we are here to help you. Please see the steps I suggested that he take there, most importantly - a strong filter - yes, on your laptop in Yeshiva - even if you think you are strong there. And if you can, at home too. Otherwise we may have to find ways that you can keep yourself off the computer at home unless other people are in the room. Perhaps even by using vows... (But we'll deal with that before you go home next).

It seems you have lots of "Blogging" and "Forum" experience. Well, consider this forum your new "spiritual family". We will give you chizuk and support, and help you break through this. Keep posting here about your progress. We really want to hear from you.

Dear Yiddishe Neshama,

Welcome home. This is the first time a frum Yid has where to turn to in these areas. So many people in even worse situations than you, have broken free. I want you to read some of the recovery stories on our site over here, and particularly this story, which reminds me a bit of yours. The part of that story I want you to see mainly, is the "Update" he writes (scroll down on the page to see it).

The fact that you were able to stay clean for two full years is very important for two reasons. 1) It shows you have great strengths and Kedusha in you, only now it's been covered up and needs to be revealed once again. 2) You will NEVER be able to live with yourself comfertably again once you have seen that you CAN be free. That is why you feel terrible about this as a whole, and this is also what led you to post your heart-felt story on this forum.

There are two prerequisites to being helped.
1) You must truly believe you can be helped (reading the recovery stories on our site can help you with this)
2) you must truly want to be helped (your own suffering and distance from G-d, along with reading the stories of people suffering from the other 3 stages can help you with this).
The fact that you are seeking help means you already mainly have these two conditions - but they must be strong and finely tuned., Take heart. Haba Le'taher, Mesayin Lo. Be ready to give your addiction and disease over to the care of G-d. Be ready to trust G-d that he will care for you, as you heal.

Know, that the first few weeks are the hardest. Once you have put some distance between yourself and the addiction, it gets a lot easier. See here for more on this.

For someone starting out on their journey, I highly suggest the following steps:

1) It's too hard to have all the garbage within a mouse-click's reach. Install a good reliable internet filter that you can't get around. Let someone you trust hold the password. If you must have open internet access for your work, at least install "Accountability Software". When you know that someone you respect will see every site you visited, it will help you control the urge to stray. See our Filter Section for tons of info and for over 20 filter options.

2) Join the daily Chizuk e-mail list. Like drops of water on Rabbi Akiva's rock, over time, the e-mails can make a serious impression.

3) Read one or two of the tips on the website every day and try to implement them if possible. (Don't read too many at once; bite too much and you won't be able to swallow anything).

4) Join the weekly phone group. Group support is very important, and this hotline is the first time that religious people can get the benefit of group support and trained therapists in an anonymous way! The counselor on the phone is trained, (religious) and really "gets it". And you can probably also find a "sponsor" in the group for accountability and help when you're feeling weak. You can also sign up for an accountability partner on the forum as well.

5) Keep posting on this forum. You will get tons of great support, advice and chizuk. Also, being honest with those who you will quickly come to consider your "family", will be a great incentive to stay clean and not let them down :-)

Rav Hutner wrote to a Talmid once that it's the dynamic struggle with the Yetzer Hara that makes a person truly great, not basking in the constant presence of the Yetzer Tov. That's what it means "Sheva Yipol Tzadik Ve'kam". Hashem had much Nachas Ruach from your spiritual successes once, but he wanted you to take it to the next level and therefore gave you these pitfalls, even though he knew you would fall. What makes a person great is his ability to get back up, despite all his falls. And I strongly believe, along with everyone here, that with some determination you will come out of this with a much closer Kesher to Hashem than you had, even back then when you were doing great.

I also believe that you should begin dating even if you are not fully healed, but rather as soon as you feel you are well on the way to recovery, say, after having been clean for 90 days IY"H ,with the help of this site and forum. (There's a recent study that showed that it takes 90 days to develop new mental patterns in the way the mind has come to think in addictive behaviors). Dating will boost your self-esteem and help you stay clean, especially since you know you are about to start your life in all seriousness, and you will want it to be the way you've always hoped.

And never stop davening. This is what Hashem has been waiting for all these years since you started to slip. He was waiting for you to finally admit defeat and ask for help. He was waiting for you to come here, to our site and forum. And he will give you his help.

Dear Yid,

  B"H you have been led to this forum. You should know that you are in good hands. I do not have much to add to the 2 posts preceeding mine, but you should start to cheer up because you are well on your way. Also, you you are still young and you have an entire long future ahead of you. A future of Torah, Tefillah, and all in Kedusha and Taharah.
    You should be very happy and optimistic when you consider that many of us here didn't start to "clean up" until we have already married and raised grown children.

What part of the country are you located in?  The reason I'm asking is to help you get some counseling help. Browse through the entire GuardUReyes site and also look at
slaaws.org for more information.  We have a group that meets by phone on Tuesday nights and talk about these issues with a religious counselor.  It is NOT a replacement for therapy.  There are also places you can go for a week or 2 to "dry out" and get some real healing and help.  If you'd like information on any of this, let me or someone on the forum know.