You are truly an inspiration! Finding a Ta'am in Torah instead of filth and garbage. Halevei all Yidden would take an example from you. This is the highest level of teshuvah!

And what you write is so true about the secular Media. Check out Chizuk e-mail #323 on this page.

If you need open internet for your work, we highly suggest accountability software. See here for a few options.

You write that the longer you don't look at porn, the more you want to look at it. But you should know that this stage doesn't last for long. After about 90 days, the desire to look at porn becomes weaker, and as you put more distance between you and the addiction, it will get easier. You are doing great. May hashem give you the strength to continue to be an inspiration to us all!

Dear Jew, Welcome home.

This website and forum are a "Teivah" (ark) in the Mabul of internet "Taivah". On this site and forum you will find people going through exactly the same thing as you, making great progress and giving each other support. Just recently, "Jack" – who just answered you above, hit his first 90 days of sobriety. Jack was heavily addicted for 38 years and didn't have one clean day in as long. He struggled with a difficult childhood, and a host of other issues, such as low-self esteem, anxiety and depression. If jack can do it, we all can. Read Jack's inspiring time-line over here.

The reason your whole Yiddishkeit feels threatened is because Shmiras Habris is known in the Zohar as "Yesod". It is the foundation, the part that is underground, that no one sees. It is the real YOU. And if the foundation is weak, indeed the whole building is weak. That is why it is so important that you get control on this before the cracks in the foundation cause the building itself to start to crumble.

You are dealing with a strong sexual addiction, and as such, it needs to be dealt with in the right way. There are tried and proven methods for dealing with this addiction. The home-page of our website has a whole list of the tools on our network. Grab a hold of them and don't let go. Here are my initial suggestions.

1) A strong filter is a must. Having it all within hands reach will make it almost impossible to start healing. See here for all the options and info.

2) I added you to the daily Chizuk e-mail list. You will learn approaches and tips every day.

3) Join Elya's FREE weekly phone groups on Sunday 3/4 PM. (Ask me for the number and PIN). It's fully anonymous, no one knows you are even listening in (although we encourage everyone to talk. It helps the healing process). You need group support, you need to hear others who are going through the same thing, even worse off than you - and yet making wonderful progress.

4) Make a log of your struggle in our Forum, in the "Wall of Honor" section. Aim for 90 days and post each day or two how you feel. You will get tons of Chizuk from what you will quickly come to consider your "spiritual family". Since you are already 3 days clean, i can put you up on our chart. You have passed Level 1. The chart is here and the rules are here. Send me your info as detailed in the rules.

5) Read the stories of recovery on our site. You are not alone. People much worse off than you have done great feats of Teshuvah. Just a few days ago, someone posted his story of recovery on our forum. See here. This guy is not married and had no religious upbringing. If he can do it, you can too!

6) See a sex-addiction therapist. There are religious ones, but it doesn't have to be. See this pagefor a list. If you can't afford it, join the Tuesday night conference call for only $10 a session, with a frum sex-addiction therapist on the line. See here for more info.

7) Join a 12-Step group in your area. Work the 12 Steps. See here. Recently someone posted on the forum (a chassidish guy BTW): He writes: Nothing helped me until I was told that I am a "Sex-Addict" and that my only option is to work the 12 steps. Nothing, absolutely nothing in this world can keep me sober, but Hashem is working with me thru the power of the program. Listen my friend, if you are a addict like myself then be aware that it only gets worse, this addiction really kills. It kills us spiritually, mentally, and physically. If you are an addict, the only option is to work the twelve steps of recovery.

We are here for you dear Jew. Grab on to this website and forum, and don't let go. It's not just your life in this world which is falling apart, it's your ETERNITY we are talking about here. Post on the forum when you feel weak, you will get a lot of answers and chizuk! Don't get down about the past. Hashem gave you this struggle and waited so many years, only so that in the process of breaking free, you will learn how to give Hashem over your heart. For that, it was all worth it. Through this struggle you will grow tremendously. The fact you have found our site, just as you were making a new push to break free, is a proof that the time is ripe for you to begin the journey. Zeh Hayom Kivinu Lo. Hashem has been waiting for you, and finally led you here. Grab on, and don't let go, and we won't let go of you.

It's me again. I wasn't able to keep my commitment to go this whole week without starting, because I slipped late Friday. But the amazing thing is how much strength I felt when I went so far and was still able to hold back. I'm still going to try to keep my commitment for the rest of this, my third, week (until Wednesday). I realize that if I go down this road (starting and stopping) I will fall. I'm glad that it is now a battle not to start! Before, I would start and finish without even the slightest bit of guilt. Now I can't even allow myself to finish and I usually am able to resist starting. I can't wait for 'the less you feed it the less you need it' to kick in. This is certainly the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. Harder than scoring well on the SATs or getting good grades on tests. I'm starting to understand what pirkei avos means when it says the strong person is the one who defeats his yetzer. I can pick up 200 pounds, but that doesn't make me strong. I'm doing something that the bodybuilders who lift 500 pounds can't do! I'm going against my nature. I have never smoked or done drugs, but I feel like this addiction is probably harder to beat than any other. Tomorrow (Sunday) is day number 18 (chai) for me!!

dear poshut yid - you have come to the right place.we ALL were where you are, some even worse.first thing to do is call the healing hotline.you will speak to someone there who will listen to you and understand you.you can not do this alone.speak to him, he is willing to help you.cry your head off, he will listen.scream your brains out, just dont GIVE IN! the anxiety associated with breaking an addiction is murder - it hurts a lot - you need someone to talk to you cant do it alone.just dont give in, please, if your wife finds out...well you said it yourself.you dont want that! think of the consequences! some of us were lucky and were never found out.but some of us were found out and the consequences were enormous. pirke avos says the wise man is the one who sees what will be born from his actions. BE WISE!! you have already taken the first step by coming here.continue on the path to tshuva - it is a difficult path, but the right and proper thing to do - you know that.hatzlacha rabbah and dont lose sight of this site!  jack

watsitcalled,

I used to be like you and nothing helped, until I was told that I am an addict a "Sex-Addict" and the my only option is to work the 12 steps nothing absalutly nothing in this world can keep me sober but Hashem working with me thru the power of the program.

Listen my friend, if you are a addict like myself then be aware that it only gets worse, this addiction realy kills. It kills us spiritualy, mentaly, and physicaly. Don't think that by just makeing phone calls, and/or posting on this forum you will be healed. It doesnt work this way.

Maybe you are not an addict but if you are, then the only option is to work the twelve steps of recovery.

Dear Jew, Welcome home. Your username is the same as another user on this forum. He is a great warrior and has done a 180 degree Teshuvah in the past year. Read his story here and let it be a source of inspiration to you! The username you chose is beautiful. In physical matters, a goal isn't reached until the person achieves that which they set out to do. But in spiritual matters, being a "Mevakesh" is the goal itself! As the Pasuk says "Yismach Lev Mivakshei Hashem". It doesn't say "Yismach lev Masigei Hashem". Rather, the act of striving and wanting to get closer to Hashem, is already reason for great joy!

This website and forum are a "Teivah" (ark) in the Mabul of internet "Taivah". On this site and forum you will find people going through exactly the same thing as you, making great progress and giving each other support. Just yesterday, "Jack" hit his first 90 days of sobriety. Jack was heavily addicted for 38 years and didn't have one clean day in as long. He struggled with a difficult childhood, like you, and a host of other issues, such as low-self esteem, anxiety and depression. If jack can do it, we all can. Read Jack's inspiring time-line over here.

The fact that you had a difficult childhood, and especially so much exposure to these things, are direct causes of your addiction. A sex-addiction therapist can help you work out the underlying issues. But my dear Jew, the fact that you were able to be clean for 1.5 years in yeshiva shows you have great inner strengths. I don't believe you will be able to ever again live comfortably with yourself until you have beaten that record!

There are two secrets to breaking free.
1) Never accept it. Always keep trying. Never give up. Believe that with enough work and the right tools, you can break free.
2) Never let a fall get you down. That is the trick of the yetzer hara and just leads to further falls.

In a sense, it seems that these two principles conflict with each other. Because if you never accept it and believe you can stop - so how do you not get down when falling? But we have to reconcile ourselves to this seeming conflict if we want to make progress.

Shmiras Habris is known in the Zohar as "Yesod". It is the foundation, the part that is underground, that no one sees. It is the real YOU. And if the foundation is weak, indeed the whole building is weak. That is why it is so important that you get control on this before the cracks in the foundation cause the building itself to start to crumble.

The bottom line is, it is essentially a sexual addiction, and as such, it needs to be dealt with in the right way. There are tried and proven methods for dealing with this addiction. The home-page of our website has a whole list of the tools on our network. Grab a hold of them and don't let go. Here are my initial suggestions.

1) A strong filter is a must. Having it all within hands reach will make it almost impossible to start healing. See here for all the options and info.

2) Join the daily Chizuk e-mail list, if you haven't yet. You will learn approaches and tips every day!

3) Join Elya's FREE weekly phone groups on Sunday 3/4 PM. (Ask me for the number and PIN). It's fully anonymous, no one knows you are even listening in. It is run through a phone-conference company. You need group support, you need to hear others who are going through the same thing, even worse off than you - and yet making wonderful progress.

4) Make a log of your struggle in our Forum, in the "Wall of Honor" section. Aim for 90 days and post each day or two how you feel. You will get tons of Chizuk from what you will quickly come to consider your "spiritual family". Since you are already 3 days clean, i can put you up on our chart. You have passed Level 1. The chart is here and the rules are here. Send me your info as detailed in the rules.

5) Read the stories of recovery on our site. You are not alone. People much worse off than you have done great feats of Teshuvah.

6) See a sex-addiction therapist. There are religious ones, but it doesn't have to be. See this page for a list. If you can't afford it, join the Tuesday night conference call for only $10 a session, with a frum sex-addiction therapist on the line.

We are here for you dear Jew. Grab on to this website and forum, and don't let go. It's your ETERNITY we are talking about here. Write on the forum when you feel weak, you will get a lot of answers and chizuk!

Post Modified:

I have modified the original post because I am concerned that I may have disclosed certain things that could jeopardize my privacy.  As such, I have removed my background summary.  I will, however, disclose some basic information.

I am in my mid-thirties, married with children and have been a porn addict for almost 20 years.  I have made numerous attempts to quit, but as-of-yet have not been successful in achieving long term sobriety.

As of the date of the original post, I was on day 3 after a stretch of 27 days without porn.

in order to really live, we must kill ourselves. sound like an oxymoron? well it's a chazal that everybody knows. horotze lichyos, yamis es atzmo! and for ANY addict, not succumbing to the temptation is like dying.and we cant die alone, right, we need someone to be there with us. well, we on the forum are with you while you 'kill yourself'. but it's really living.the alcoholic says 'if i dont have another drink, i'm going to die'. but in reality, that next drink will kill him. jack

Jack, I bought today a bottle of whiskey and two types of cakes in my shul. Everybody made a lechayim in your honor. I just told them it was a simch shel mitzva!!

Jack, when we end one journey in life, we begin the next. Your next goal is Level 8 - Half a Year!

Ahron, who also hit 90 days not long ago, recently wrote me that he is struggling to build himself up. He writes "my biggest challenge continues to be "filling the void", whether it's boredom at work or motivating myself to engage in meaningful and fulfilling activities, be they learning and ruchniyus related or otherwise, during non-work hours."

I want to share with you what I answered him, since it applies to you now too.

The "building yourself up" that you are working on now is fundamentally different in nature from the other challenge that you have been doing so well at. Although it wasn't easy for you to give up the addiction, you were able to take the steps necessary and do it. However "building up ones self" is not the same. It is not something you can "accomplish" in 90 days, by stopping one behavior or another. This is a LIFE-TIME job, and that is what we are here for. And lucky for that, or you'd be done and ready to go "home" :-) So relish this new challenge. For that is what gives our life meaning. The progress you have made in conquering the addiction now frees you to deal with the REAL work. Until now you couldn't even think of building yourself up properly. So as long as you keep seeking, you will find. Never stop seeking Hashem. Never be afraid to take on new challenges, new Mitzvos, new sedarim. To set new goals, to be kinder to those around you, and to live each day as if it was your last. (I am laughing at how easy it is for me to tell this to someone else).

i have a problem. after watching so much porn i seem to be imune to seeying such perverted pictures. its like im numb to what is there. not that i dont want to see it, obviously theres a reason i keep coming back to it, b/c im addicted to it. what is scary is that my mind cant be in normal mode if i can watch these things, and have i gone and ruined my - not yet - relashionship with my - not yet - wife? has my mind become distorted forever?

Congratulations Jack!! The fact that you have succeeded for 90 days has given me much strength. You had been a slave to this addiction since well before I was even born. If you can do it, then I can too! Keep up the great work jack!!

My eyes are literally filled with tears and my feetare literally aching from all the dancing! I just wrote a new post in honor of jack the Tzaddik.

Jack, the lower you were, the higher you climb when you do Teshuva! I know this personally and I know that youknowit as well!

Jack, however I disagree with one thing: GET - and stay- addicted to this site!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Cha"Jack" V'Amatz!

can you imagine how i feel inside? after being tied to filth for my ENTIRE ADULT LIFE for a period of 38 years? i'll say that again - my ENTIRE ADULT LIFE! going to the most decadent places on the face of the earth? seeing transvestites who wanted to pick me up? and then out of nowhere - this site just 'popped into' my life! can you imagine the happiness i feel right now? i wish all of you who are trying to take advantage of this site and use it for all it's worth! and it's worth a lot! dont let this site out of your sight!! (dont become addicted though, addictions are no good, even to this site). i love you--jack

You're doing great. May Hashem give you strength. Remember, this is not just about breaking this addiction, it is about breaking some of the "self" and becoming a better person, and much closer to Hashem. You are from the few valiant warriors in today's world who seek this with sincerity!

Wow Jack. I just read today's chizuk email and I now have even more respect for you. To have gone through so much and then after so many years to try to break this addiction - its simply unbelievable. My daily chizuk is complete. Thanks - cant wait till 90!